Help My Spouse Does not Would like to get Healthy

 

What to do when your partner is unsupportive | Mel Robbins

Video taken from the channel: Mel Robbins


 

What a Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Episode Looks Like

Video taken from the channel: MedCircle


 

9 Ways to Handle A Cold And Distant Spouse

Video taken from the channel: Brad Browning


 

What People With Anxiety Want Their Significant Others to Know

Video taken from the channel: The Mighty


 

What To Do If Your Significant Other Doesn’t Want To Spend Time With You?

Video taken from the channel: Kristin Coaching


 

074: Help! My Significant Other Doesn’t Want to Get Healthy Part 2 by Steve Kamb of Nerd…

Video taken from the channel: Optimal Living Daily


 

073: Help! My Significant Other Doesn’t Want to Get Healthy Part 1 by Steve Kamb of Nerd…

Video taken from the channel: Optimal Living Daily


 

What a Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Episode Looks Like

Video taken from the channel: MedCircle


 

9 Ways to Handle A Cold And Distant Spouse

Video taken from the channel: Brad Browning


 

What People With Anxiety Want Their Significant Others to Know

Video taken from the channel: The Mighty


 

What To Do If Your Significant Other Doesn’t Want To Spend Time With You?

Video taken from the channel: Kristin Coaching


 

074: Help! My Significant Other Doesn’t Want to Get Healthy Part 2 by Steve Kamb of Nerd…

Video taken from the channel: Optimal Living Daily


 

073: Help! My Significant Other Doesn’t Want to Get Healthy Part 1 by Steve Kamb of Nerd…

Video taken from the channel: Optimal Living Daily


 

The Truth Behind Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD)

Video taken from the channel: MedCircle


Create a reward system with each other – If you have a significant other that is already interested in getting healthier, spend an hour with each other creating a fun spreadsheet of rewards for each other, keeping it as innocent or not innocent as you want – your call ��. If your partner fails to do so, you might want to reconsider why you’re spending time with someone who doesn’t support your needs and vision. On the other hand, if your significant other isn’t being supportive because you’ve either failed to explain how their behavior makes you feel, or because you’ve failed to give clear examples of how you’d like to be supported, it’s essential that you have a.

This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclaimer for more info. Steve Kamb of Nerd Fitness shares how to motivate others to exercise and get healthy. This is Part 1 of 2. Episode 73: Help!

My Significant Other Doesn’t Want to Get Healthy – Part 1 by Steve Kamb of Nerd Fitness (How [ ]. I also think that encouraging a significant other to do what’s healthy can reinforce those behaviors. For example, socializing can be very difficult for somebody going through depression. Relationships affect everything: your health, work life, career, and more. Make sure yours are healthy and help you become more successful, not less.

If these keep showing up, it’s time to get. Be honest with the other person without being vague or going into long explanations for why you no longer want to stay together. Own the breakup Listen to.

Finances are something to discuss with your significant other, but they should never spend your money that you don’t want them to spend. or health matters, your partner doesn’t. The best way to help is not to point out what your partner is doing wrong, but instead consistently and casually offer healthy options in a non-judgmental fashion. When my hubby and I met, there were many healthy foods he’d never tried, like hummus and roasted Brussels sprouts. If both of you are willing, a therapist can help you to move beyond this impasse and have a more productive conversation.

If he is unwilling to engage in therapy with you, it might be a good idea. However, if that is not the case with your relationship, yet they won’t introduce you to friends as a significant other, then consider it a red flag. If you are spending time on this relationship.

List of related literature:

Support her efforts by making healthy changes to your lifestyle as well.

“Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn: The Complete Guide” by Janet Walley, Penny Simkin, Ann Keppler, Janelle Durham, April Bolding
from Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn: The Complete Guide
by Janet Walley, Penny Simkin, et. al.
Meadowbrook, 2016

Another is staying healthy—we both struggle with this one, but we try to remind each other to take a break, exercise, go to the doctor when we’re sick, and just take care of ourselves.

“Lazy, Crazy, and Disgusting: Stigma and the Undoing of Global Health” by Alexandra Brewis, Amber Wutich
from Lazy, Crazy, and Disgusting: Stigma and the Undoing of Global Health
by Alexandra Brewis, Amber Wutich
Johns Hopkins University Press, 2019

When you really understand that getting healthy is about love, you stop saying things about getting healthy being hard, expensive, or boring, or about not wanting to deprive yourself.

“Feel Better Fast and Make It Last: Unlock Your Brain’s Healing Potential to Overcome Negativity, Anxiety, Anger, Stress, and Trauma” by Dr. Daniel G. Amen
from Feel Better Fast and Make It Last: Unlock Your Brain’s Healing Potential to Overcome Negativity, Anxiety, Anger, Stress, and Trauma
by Dr. Daniel G. Amen
Tyndale House Publishers, Incorporated, 2018

Her doctors tell her to exercise and make healthy food choices.

“Foundations of Interprofessional Collaborative Practice in Health Care E-Book” by Margaret Slusser, Luis I. Garcia, Carole-Rae Reed, Patricia Quinn McGinnis
from Foundations of Interprofessional Collaborative Practice in Health Care E-Book
by Margaret Slusser, Luis I. Garcia, et. al.
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2018

Or maybe she sees your efforts to get healthy as an unwelcome mirror for her own unhealthy habits—and she’d rather sabotage you than make changes herself.

“The Diet Trap Solution: Train Your Brain to Lose Weight and Keep It Off for Good” by Judith S. Beck, Deborah Beck Busis
from The Diet Trap Solution: Train Your Brain to Lose Weight and Keep It Off for Good
by Judith S. Beck, Deborah Beck Busis
Hay House, 2015

If you know that she thinks and agrees that being healthy is important, start there.

“How to Get People to Do Stuff: Master the art and science of persuasion and motivation” by Susan Weinschenk
from How to Get People to Do Stuff: Master the art and science of persuasion and motivation
by Susan Weinschenk
Pearson Education, 2013

Boundaries move the relationship to health.

“Red-Hot Monogamy: Making Your Marriage Sizzle” by Bill Farrel, Pam Farrel
from Red-Hot Monogamy: Making Your Marriage Sizzle
by Bill Farrel, Pam Farrel
Harvest House Publishers, 2006

You may wonder how you can help your partner create a healthy lifestyle, especially if they are ill and have no motivation to change anything.

“Loving Someone With Bipolar Disorder: Understanding & Helping Your Partner: Easyread Large Bold Edition” by Julie A. Fast
from Loving Someone With Bipolar Disorder: Understanding & Helping Your Partner: Easyread Large Bold Edition
by Julie A. Fast
CREATESPACE PUB, 2009

Also, her stipulation of not having to eat healthy foods that she doesn’t like is inappropriate because the variety of healthy foods she likes is rather limited.

“Wellness and Physical Therapy” by Fair, Sharon Elayne Fair
from Wellness and Physical Therapy
by Fair, Sharon Elayne Fair
Jones & Bartlett Learning, 2010

Does she need to learn more about nutrition for healthy living?

“Lifestyle Wellness Coaching” by James Gavin, Madeleine Mcbrearty
from Lifestyle Wellness Coaching
by James Gavin, Madeleine Mcbrearty
Human Kinetics, 2013

Alexia Lewis RD

Registered Dietitian Nutritionist and Certified Heath Coach who believes life is better with science, humor, and beautiful, delicious, healthy food.

[email protected]

View all posts

327 comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • Do you know anyone with symptoms of paranoid personality disorder?
    Watch the full exclusive MedCircle series on paranoid personality disorder HERE: https://bit.ly/3gFMPjz

  • God never promised an easy marriage but if you value it enough you will put whatever you need to in it. Funny how you people are quick to call him an idiot or a moroon but if that’s the case why did u all watch the video?? We are to love our spouse as God loves the church and he sent his own son to die on the cross to demonstrate his love so doesn’t seem to difficult to put some effort into your marriage. There’s no perfect relationship and i have been the distant partner before and we made it thru it I am now on the other side of things with my husband being the distant one. We have been married 17 years and it was the act of kindness and love that saved us when I was the distant one just praying it will save us again, I will be taking what I learned from this and using it.. thank you so much for this video

  • Lol everything is a disorder today. What even is classified as normal? They’ve created a “disorder” to label everyone and sell them meds and “treatment”. Get off YouTube folks.

  • if wifei is distant and dont want to talk… the posibilities of the problem having a man name are pretty higth….. well
    I aproach one time, if she dont want to talk I dont beg people soooo, take your dignity and walk your own way again

  • Paranoid people can be dangerous to interact with, I wouldnt diminish paranoia into hypersensitivity because of the above. Bulky people who claim that are being watched, monitored, by neighbours, are often violent freaks. They often come to paranoid conclusions in their sick brains, which requires them to retaliate actions of their imaginary enemies which are often next of keen, friends, neighbors etc children. Dont under estimate the violent potential of the paranoid freaks.

  • Never had these problemsuntil I dealt with narcissistic abuse. Now, I deal with all of this and it sucks so badly. I only think the people that want to hurt me are narcs or strange men (my ex-narc that is still in my life, my mother) I’ve endured a lot of abuse. I have 10 ACES and ongoing trauma as an adult. I want to get better. I know my paranoid thoughts are paranoid and I usually have power over them, but my trust is so wrecked after my narc ex.

  • In my mind everyone is out to get me i dont wanna go outside because im scared for my life what can i do please help me it destroys my life completely

  • I used to constantly change my name or I would never tell people my real name. I shut my windows because I feel like I’m being recorded by neighbours or watched. I cannot develop close bonds to people because if they make a hurtful comment I cannot trust them ever again no matter how hard I try. It’s very lonely and tiring existence.

  • It seems like there are a lot of gullible people out there. I’m intelligent because I don’t believe everything. I take my medicine every day so that I see reality. I believe that people want to harm me because no one trusts people with my diagnosis. I hate aggressive drivers and people who shout out insults. I hate people who call themselves, they call themselves angels that can’t trust me because of my damn diagnosis. This lady seems like she’s adding to the stigma. She doesn’t know me. This is the year of Corona virus. What do you call a schizophrenic who has to deal with an overreaction? I’m anxious as hell. People stereotype middle aged people as Karen’s. It seems like the word is a word that is used by many
    paranoid people. I have been around psychotic people. I have been screamed at. I have been ignored. I feel like a scapegoat. The stigma is for me than many. Insecure people love to talk about how scared they are without evidence that someone who has mental illness is harmful. A woman said that I can’t work with knives because of my diagnosis. If you don’t respect me, why should I respect you? I had a psychiatrist who talked about my private parts. This lady seems like she has grandiose delusions that she is an expert on whatever. She is so sure of herself

  • I don’t know about you, but I have been bullied in high school. I listened to three kids sing, “Go down Moses. Go down into the gas chambers.” I went to a Quacker school where I found myself complimenting the students. I didn’t have one. One day, I caught a girl say that I am f—— up to other students. My diagnosis is schizo affective. I’m not a narcissist. I guess that I have this diagnosis because my spastic is dark.

  • I oftent feel ashamed and will keep my anxiety to myself. it’s not that i don’t trust u. it’s that i don’t like feeling weak and helpless in front of u

  • It’s so disappointing when the person you married has changed so much that they are no longer really alive but something has taken over their body. They are just a shell, it’s so sad to miss the old person and that is ok just a memory in time, a time in history that has now passed and they are no longer on earth. So disappointing they could come back only if they believed in good but they don’t and nothing can be done to snap them out of it, it’s over.

  • I think it’s over kill to attach ppd to belief in “conspiracy theory”. Although some conspiracies are clearly not based in reality, other theories are actually a clearer picture of our world (for instance the US government was complicit in murdering MLK which was a “conspiracy theory” until 30 years later when it was proven in a court of law). By saying that paranoid conspiracy believers will look for evidence to support their “paranoia”, she’s being dismissive. She also said that persons with ppd will look for any little shred of information (she called it gossip) to support their beliefs. A great way for well established people in a given field to discredit supporters of less popular (but potentially more valid and correct) beliefs is to question the outsider’s mental state. I think its important to allow new theories, new perspectives, and new possibilities to have it’s fair share of a person’s mental space. To be sure, I don’t disagree with her insight about a person who suffers from ppd having hypersensitivity and paranoid distrust. I just think it’s a bit unfair to keep attempting to connect ppd to “conspiracy theory”.

  • My ex girlfriend had this and I can say I feel so bad for her be carful anyone who thinks you can have a meaningful relationship they will dissapear without a trace and have no concept of your feelings she bought into the targeted individual theory and acusused me of trying to poison and murder her and thinks that a 2 and a half year relationship my job was to keep electronic symptoms upon her it’s a no hope situation

  • I often feel like someone is out to get me wanting to hurt me I offen try to learn way to protect myself, it’s hard to sleep at night because I feel like someone is outside ready to kill me and my family at any second if I could I’d make myself a room with no door no windows just unbreakable walls. I’m constantly scared I cant even sleep without a constant noise like a fan to keep me feeling safe because quietness is terrifying! I got so scared my mom would die that I’d never leave her side I’d always go shopping or go on 10 hour road trips just to calm my nerves I keep sacrificing my happiness and time doing anything to be around her, and that’s what I’m like around all my friends people have even called me a slave to my friends because I would stand up to them even though I knew it was none of my business and I’d get hurt for them I’d let them stab me without stopping them, I’m rambling sorry, I use to think this was all just anxiety but I think its something more I never feel safe unless I’m distracted that’s why I love YouTube so much its distracting it make me feel correct not worrying about everything. Wow writing this all out made me feel better wow

  • Hi there I think that I have this disorder plus avoidant personality and maybe more. Can I ask what effects will intensify if you called your partner on unfaithfulness and were correct. Instead of how you said they accuse them but they aren’t cheating.

  • This is my dad 100%. He seems so high functioning because he works and lives by himself and takes care of himself but his extreme distrust of everyone has negatively affected his life so much and has pushed everyone away from him. I’m the only person he’s got because the rest of his family just doesn’t want to have anything to do with him. I’ve been trying to convince him to get help for years and the worst part is that he is so deeply in denial that he doesnt believe there is anything wrong with him. All of his delusions are so real to him. They all sound completely logical to him. One time for example, there was a dead bird on his patio. I had automatically assumed the bird flew into the window, because that was just the logical conclusion most people would make. But my dad, he had actually thought that one of his neighbours had thrown a dead bird on his patio because he got a sense that they didn’t like him. He moves from job to job and place to place with a pattern of distrust everywhere he goes. He claims that every single person he has ever lived with has been stealing from him (he always rents out a room in someone’s house). Also, he always thinks that his coworkers are sabotaging his work (he is a welder). He dated a couple of women back when I was a teenager and in both of those relationships, he was constantly accusing them of cheating on him. But here’s the catch. With me. His teenage son. The only “evidence” was that I was up all night talking in the living room. I was actually always up all night playing Call of Duty and chatting with my friends because that’s what teenagers do. But no, he thought I was trying to steal his middle aged Filipino girlfriend. Another time he couldn’t find a salad in his fridge and accused me of stealing his keys, giving them to my mother (who he has had a 23 year grudge against) so my mother could copy the keys to his house, then returned his own keys so he wouldn’t notice they were missing. Then he thought that my mom must have been in the house and took the salad. Because that was the only logical explanation.

  • Well well…I don’t know what happened to the good ol’ days.
    Some people have to remember some things kill romance and some bring romance back.

    Some folks cut the partner off and spent the rest of their lives on the TV and social media. Households have no privacy anymore with friends and family who are always present through the door or social media. It’s bad enough if the partner is stuck in some weird situation they have no control over and don’t want the other partner to know or help. That’s some weird stuff in there hey. Sometimes it’s hard to appeal to your partner if you ignore your personal hygiene or sense of fashion…let alone bad diet and some personal habits.

    What happened to old good days when a woman’s way to a man was through his stomach… beautiful delicious and nutritious food. And your partner would help with cutting vegetables and doing dish and all that. And a good glass of your favorite drink also that would lead to other activities of the evening.

    Beautiful movies and TV shows or drama. You know…keep the fun and love in the family. Pull the house phone off the wall or switch the wi-fi off. And those in-laws keep them away for a few weeks and do ya thang! Good old music and stuff like that.

    Couples used to go on cheap get-aways… breath freshness of nature and being away from home. Damn…how did we all go wrong.

    People needs to do what works only for them. We can’t always be looking for textbook on marriage.

  • Yeah i have impulsive type bpd and was binge drinking over a period of time which basically made me feel like a total Ahole and lost me the woman i love as she couldn’t cope anymore with it. Have felt completely worthless ever since

  • I feel awful after i have an episode
    I feel like
    How could ihave just acted like this!!!
    But
    One really cant understand y or how
    Its alot

  • Now I know what my mother in law has…OCPD. White couches, white carpets, white sheets, white towels, no grandchildren allowed to visit.

  • To anyone who might be diagnosed with PPD or have loved ones with PPD, I just my love and prayers goes out to all of yall, it is really hard to live with such people but God has a plan for all of us, stay positive.

  • I have this IV realised…. Have been told by my g.p it’s bi pola but I’m sure it’s this.. seems very clear. Scary hard disorder

  • The more EMF pollution we have, the worse people seem to be acting. The more paranoid and sensitive people are getting. Ironic? Cohen-cidence?

  • I have always thought my ex was a narcissist, but it might be PPD. He always thinks I am talking behind his back and everything I do or say is some how to hurt him. I ask him to show me facts on why he thinks what he thinks and he wont. He makes up crazy stories and acts like he knows they are facts. He tells everyone he knows stuff about me and they believe his stories bc they only hear his side. No matter what I say or what evidence I show he still thinks I’m “playing games”. We have a child together and he tells her I am brainwashing her and turning her against him and talks about me very negative constantly. She tells him that what he thinks is not true but he doesnt believe it. This is the worst situation and there is nothing I can do about it and now my daughter is dealing with it also.

  • Can you talk about people who try to trigger or intentionally cause these kinds of disorders? Kind of like the movie gaslight. The character in the movie had an agenda to purposefully cause a mental breakdown or confusion which as a result the victim will be less trusting, paranoid or suffer from PTSD.

  • Can you still have the disorder if you’re aware sometimes that it’s abnormal but can’t stop worrying about it? Because I do all of these things, but you seemed to make it very clear that people who have the disorder aren’t aware that they’re doing it.

  • my ex consistently paranoid me cheating. Check my bed sheet and duvet everyday, questioned any stain he could find on it, accused me had a side partner; I have multiple life; suspected me that I am sex worker; accused someone spam on his underwear, t shirt, pillowcase which all from his mind. when I had a black eyebag after argument with him without good sleep, he suspected that I was dating a gang member. When the painting dropped down to the floor left some white paint stain, he suspected I dated a tradie at home after he went to work. When I ate KFC answering his phone, he fantacied I was sucking someone’s dk. When I drove back on the way home, he questioned my background noise, suspected I was dating someone at beach.even try to meet me on the middle of the way let me pull over, then question me that your mate just jump off? but there’s no one else expect myself. Every stranger turned up in our drive way, he question me, acting like I knew them, they all come for me to have sex. When I had a new job and checked my phone msg from my boss, he accused me I may get my job under table and had crash with my boss, even follow my boss’s facebook threaten me he will contact his wife to reveal our relationship. after consistently argument about this kind of issue everyday,,my immune system unbalance, so bottom has some hash and had some creamy discharge, he suspected I had too much sex with someone else, he checked my neck, my face, smell my hair…..When I wanted to end the relationship, he always blame me I just want a casual relationship and he knew it I had meet someone already. He called my slut, cunt…He never will understand how heartbreaking by his suspicious and paranoid. He never feel tried to continue his “evidence finding ” game on my life. The worse attitude I gave to him, the more worse he played on his game. He doesn’t has a normal logic and analyse, he even don’t feel any wrong of what he thought and spoke. I almost used my life energy to fight back in argument to guard my dignity. at the end I feel so worthless and hopeless after this kind of long time mind abuse. I called the police to end this relationship. I do think he got paranoid disorder, the only thing I want from him is to admit his illness and sick mind, and give me an apologize, but I understand I never will get it. It’s really an heartbreaking, as I gave him 100% faithful and love in that relationship….it’s a nightmare.

  • I lived in a housing building and my neighbor hates me / she gets men to follow me on foot and in cars to the point it has given me extreme anxiety. She sends different people all the time and and it has made me so paranoid but I feel like I have reasons to believe this. My counselor lately think that it’s all I’m my head and unfortunately that’s not true it’s just so sad cause I live alone and it’s like they don’t believe me and there’s no one there to tell them otherwise. I hate my neighbors and I hope god handles them for the trauma they caused

  • Glad the lady isn’t perfect herself considering the restless feet shot in the beginning of this video. But hey, they just might have shot this little scene on purpuse, in order to show that she is just a little like us.

  • All mental health problems are caused by severe calcium deficiency. This begins in the womb or in infancy. The human body can assimilate calcium only from fresh, natural, uncooked foods especially leafy greens and grasses, wheatgrass. Artificial supplements do not work. The best way to get the calcium from greens is through green smoothies.

    Brain chemical imbalances have never been proved.

    One of the reasons why mental health problems generally develop or manifest in late adolescence is because of the body’s need for tremendous amounts of calcium due to the sudden spurt in physical growth.

    Calcium is needed for proper neurotransmitter function.

    It is also important to minimise chronic cellular inflammation by avoiding white sugar, refined carbs and oils and fats that increase cellular inflammation.

    Cellular inflammation prevents the absorption of nutrients vitamins and minerals.

  • I have Paranoid Personality Disorder. I just cried for an hour because someone canceled on plans with me and I think they hate me. And a few years I convinced myself that someone sneaks in my room at night to watch me sleep or kill me while I’m sleeping. I always think people hate me and are happy when not talking to me. I don’t trust people around me there’s very few I trust. I always think the worst but I have too much anxiety to talk to people about it. every comment I make on social media or in person I’m scared they’re going to delete it or get mad at my comment even if it was a nice one. I hate having this disorder it really messes with my head, life, and relationships with people. I also think that I’m alone in this struggle and no one understands and actions of others in my life effects my paranoia and how I communicate with others about it which is little to none anymore. I’m actually paranoid about posting this but I have to work through it…Please don’t judge me..please don’t judge us. We, the people who have this, need support, reassurance, proof, understanding, patience, and to be able to communicate at least thats what I need I can’t speak for everyone so please don’t think I am. This is super real and sometimes super scary.

  • I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I am paranoid all the time about my boyfriend “cheating” on me. And I’m also paranoid that people are talking about me negatively. I’m paranoid at my workplace too, I think everyone’s talking or thinking negatively of me and it’s making me respond in an angry manner when it’s confronted. And when people take a glimpse of me, I automatically think that they “know” me and will tell others about me and waiting for me to screw up on anything. They’re just waiting for me to mess up, whatever the issue may be. People keep telling me “really, they’re not even looking at you” but I just KNOW it somehow that they’re talking about me. Sounds really self-absorbed. But I can’t help but be suspicious of people.

  • Oh really? Cold & distant in my first marriage meant he was with someone else, which is why he was suddenly no longer interested, although it’s not that simple. I was with him for 18 years. Then he leaves at the worst time of my life: right after my brother was sent to Iraq, which was 18 months after watching someone I know died in the World Trade Center and on top of all that, counselors ruin my entire life by stabbing me with a label of “Depression: Clinical presentation.”
    Acting as if none of THEM would be depressed under the same conditions. Depression isn’t a diagnosis. It’s a label that ruins your ability to find employment if potential employers learn of it.
    Watch while someone you know dies in Tower 1 and leaves behind no remains at all; then watch your brother be sent to Iraq on March 24, 2003; then watch your husband of 18 yrs. drive away on June 1, 2003, never to return; and tell me you don’t feel even a little depressed & devastated by it.

  • She speaks very very well I learn from ppl like that who speaks well and who wisdom like here I thank you for sharing ppd & others stuff I loved this video ❤️ I love �� you all

  • Through out this whole video I literally would finish this womans sentences… I never understood why I think he way I do and I called myself crazy but it makes sense now.. I have ppd it comfort me knowing I’m not alone and I’m not crazy now I hope with this knowledge I can learn and better myself.

  • Super women. Love her. I want to be her slave for rest of my life and die serving her, washing her cloths, cleaning her house, feeding her dog. I am Dr ramani servant and slave.

  • So what should I do if I’ve tried all of this and she still doesn’t want to talk to me? She doesn’t open up, she doesn’t have anything nice to say to me, she doesn’t show affection, she’s cold if not regularly yelling at me for something. I don’t know what else to do. I give space, I try taking things out, I take her to nice places, nothing works…

  • My husband is emotionally distant and cold (possibly because he was a victim of child abuse) It was hard for me and I am almost at the edge. He is a narcissist and he cant love truly. Im so tired of putting more effort and I realized that man should lead the relationship and all leaders have heavier responsibility. If the CEO fails, the company fails. If the head of the family fails, the marriage fails. When a guy loves the woman more than she loves him, it was more likely to last because women are most likely to stay loyal and respond with love. What if the woman loves the guy more than he loves her? Well, it was more likely to be an abusive marriage. So teach your child to love truly and choose a man wisely/ Dont be naive, marriage is the biggest decision you will ever have.

  • Everything he said was pretty much on point, I’ve been doing a lot of this before watching the vid, we are on lock down and we both need some space

  • “I need to know you have my back at every moment.”
    I’m sorry, but that sounds incredibly immature. Even for a relationship of two people without anxiety, it’s an unrealistic ideal that sounds reminiscent of how high schoolers overly romanticize things.
    As a person suffering from GAD, I know I rely on my s/o more than others, but I also TRY to take responsibility of myself and my illness.

    My heart goes out to every s/o of people with anxiety if y’all are anything like my s/o, be sure to speak up when you feel unheard/overloaded. We need a lil’ extra compassion, but your feelings are equally important too.

  • The one that I think of the most is the one that says “it means a lot to me when you read or learn about anxiety “ most people think that they know what it is

  • I oftent feel ashamed and will keep my anxiety to myself. it’s not that i don’t trust u. it’s that i don’t like feeling weak and helpless in front of u

  • So what happens when your girlfriend still doesn’t understand and pushes you to everything that you can’t do? She doesn’t care anymore and I don’t care either.

  • I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but a lot of us are burnt out. We are humans with flaws too and you can’t put all of these expectations on us:/ Speaking from the other sides perspective I feel like all this can be summed up into one note. “You need to be Superman/woman Therapist every time I have anxiety so that I can be mr/miss helpless. And if you are not, you’re not a good partner.” This “victim” of anxiety mindset makes people who suffer from it the most double standard and hardest people to deal with. They expect everyone else to be okay with their anxiety and expect everyone to act like so perfect towards them when they have anxiety, but they don’t hold themselves to nearly the same standards of behavior. Does anyone ever think that it’s extremely hard being the other person and that we get burnt out and anxiety ourselves from feeling like doormats all the time, walking on eggshells constantly and feeling like we have to be your perfect therapist at any given moment? I’m tired of feeling like I have to be Superman all the time and be okey dokey with everything all the time, but if I ask even a small portion of the same from my partner I’m the bad guy who “doesn’t understand anything”. Does anybody have any other advise other than “be the perfect partner”? Because I’m stuck, relationships are a two way street like it or not, and IT’S EXTREMELY HARD being the other person all the time:( Some more advice would be much appreciated:)

  • “I am not my anxiety” that one hit home. It’s so hard to really believe that, because sometimes I feel my anxiety and I are so close it’s suffocating.

  • God never promised an easy marriage but if you value it enough you will put whatever you need to in it. Funny how you people are quick to call him an idiot or a moroon but if that’s the case why did u all watch the video?? We are to love our spouse as God loves the church and he sent his own son to die on the cross to demonstrate his love so doesn’t seem to difficult to put some effort into your marriage. There’s no perfect relationship and i have been the distant partner before and we made it thru it I am now on the other side of things with my husband being the distant one. We have been married 17 years and it was the act of kindness and love that saved us when I was the distant one just praying it will save us again, I will be taking what I learned from this and using it.. thank you so much for this video

  • How do I get her to be more affectionate? It seems I’m always the one who is initiating any form of intimacy. She’s become soo distant lately and I know it’s bc she has a lot going on right now coupled with us having five children but it seems before we were married she was soo flirty and affectionate and showed the love versus just saying it… I just really miss her and want us to be back to normal she’s my everything and best friend. Thank you for the video it was very helpful.

  • That moment when you think you are watching this for the first time & notice you liked the video..I’m still hoping that my husband will learn to have more empathy & that I can better understand him.

  • I having a same situation my my marriage.Silent treatment is most painful pain that a man can do to his wife.Emotionally damaging.I wish man can realise what they do when they act like that.

  • Commitment matters so staying on.But if there is a chance to rewind the clock, i would happily stay single…!! Its too much effort compared to the happiness it offers

  • For me, its physically painful. I just cant stop crying. I can’t. Doesnt matter how much I try. It’s exhausting. My head hurts, some parts of my body become numb. I get depressed. It happens mainly when I feel humiliated.

  • Your advice is crap….basically just live with a robot…tone down your natural charisma? You are speaking to woman because men are far more emotionally unavailable than woman….Ladies…I’m been doing just what this toxic man for 8 years….and he still does nothing!!!! So I will kindly and respectfully tell him to hit the curb….loneliness is far better than living with a robot!!!

  • Reminds me of Stephen A. Smith from NBA once said about a player that he had ‘rabbit ears’. Out of the 25.000 spectators he hears and reacts on the one person out of the crowd that is saying unpleasant things.

  • I need help I have all 9 treats everything you have said on each video I am just like that what do I do how do I bring it up to a doctor what kind of doctor do i even go to i cant handle this….

  • My husband is antisocial, he doesn’t have any friends, I can’t talk to him unless he initiates the conversation. I respected his differences at first but after 25 years, he calls me names, he calls me a f-head, tells me to shut the eff up and shows no affection anymore. If there’s a conversation that he’s initiated, he’ll talk over anything I have to say. It’s like living alone. I suggested doing things he likes to do, but he doesn’t like to do anything anymore. I’m constantly tiptoeing around him, wondering if I’m allowed to talk to him. I make sure the house is clean, his dinner is ready, his clothes are washed. I feel like I’m living alone the last 10 years. I didn’t hear anything to help. I’m tired of being kind, considerate of his feelings. I just can’t bear living this way anymore.

  • My husband is doing this and am exactly reacting the wrong way..for 18years of wedlock
    I will try to do what you mentioned and see if it works. I honestly don’t want to yell at my husband to get his attention. God will help me

  • This feels selfish the spouse is emotionally manipulating you already then is not sharing any emotions with you then told you you’re not compatible anymore you’re giving them time to think what about your feelings you’re already in pain from not getting any emotions in the first place then to get extra distance by them saying they don’t feel the same way like they used to just a joke you’re worth more than that sometimes it’s just best to walk away one person can’t put so much in and give them the time to think when they’re the one that is hurting you

  • My husband is a BITCH. but we have four kids together so I guess I’m waiting til they grow up. Probably will regret that but at this point I don’t see anything else to do.

  • I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar II in my mid-30s and BPD in my early 40s. My BPD diagnosis also includes narcissistic and asocial manifestations. I was really messed up for a long time. From age 16-24, I had more than 10 jobs, often with long periods of unemployment in between. I have destroyed some of my favorite clothing because I flew into a rage after it wouldn’t come off the hanger just right. In a different youtube video, I heard it described best as “I hate you, don’t ever leave me.” I’ve lost jobs because I would panic at the thought of going to work. I would call off for several days in a row, panicking more every time I did because I didn’t want to lose the job. I’m now 49 and can’t wait until our Heavenly Father calls me home. I won’t rush it with self-harm, but I can’t wait to finally be rid of this illness and see what “normality” looks/feels like.

  • i am only recently discovering that this is for sure what i have. all 9 traist to look for as described bydr ramani are a descriotion of my life since my latest traumatic eveent of my moms suicude which followed my sisters murder. added to childhood shit leads me to now. but an “episode ” for m is wen something, usually not a big deal to others, like my husband havong a conversation with most any female even though i know hes not going to cheat ever, i will hear conversations that dont happen, i will imagine things that arent there and to me i am losing him i go into panic mode i will cry rock grab him like hes leaving m when everyone aroundis like wtf is going on

  • Sounds like a lot of men are distant and attentive but I have a wife who doesn’t want to be touched or to touch me. She admits she is not affectionate at all and isn’t interested in sex or romance…go figure. I have a love language of physical touch up in the 10’s she is around 1. It is very difficult to live with a spouse who doesn’t like affection or touch. Intimacy is the glue that holds us together. So do I have to bury my feelings?

  • I have recently been diagnosed with BPD and I completely agree with Dr.Ramani that there is no specific episode of BPD.
    THANK YOU FOR YOUR WONDERFUL INTERVIEWS.ITS BEEN REALLY HELPFUL ON MY PART.

  • I understand that there are 3 type of relating. One of the 3 types is called “avoidant” and it’s very common. What can you do if you are married with an avoidant partner? What you recommend will not work at all. They enjoy being independent and distant.

  • This sounds more like how to simply continue to exist in the same house with someone who probably doesn’t even like you. If you are with someone who genuinely loves you and enjoys being your partner overall, if they seem withdrawn and down choosing to not reach out and instead letting them “have space” and work through it on their own will likely leave them feeling unimportant and unseen. However, if your partner is irritated by your presence, doesn’t enjoy your company, and doesn’t want your love and reassurance then this all sounds like a great plan to make sure your existence bothers them as little as possible and that your relationship doesn’t further impose on them.

  • Opposites attract is one giant myth. I fyou look at the research (and general common sense), most of the time people are more attracted to partners like themselves, especially in times of stress or as they age (which tends to come with extra stress anyway). You may find differences ‘exotic’ or ‘interesting’ to begin with, but once the novelty wears off they generally become irritating and an extra point of contention. I wish I’d realised this when I was younger and avoid all the drama of learning it the hard way!

  • Beautiful advice. I wish I knew this 2 years ago. I was with a Russian guy who used to joke around just because I told him I didn’t want to have anal sex. He used to joke about that all the time (which it seemed he didn’t respect my boundaries) I told him I was going to leave him so he stopped. He then told me I needed a career instead of my own business otherwise I’d be a janitor. He said ‘once you come to Russia you’ll go to the university’ basically he wanted me to pursue his dreams not mine. After one year I realized I want someone who accepts me the way I am and respect when I say no and supports me in life.

  • Thank you. Where does this fall when its things that are self-destructive for your spouse? I think my husband is getting really depressed and his behavior is making it worse (isolating, drinking, binge eating, etc). I really want to help him but I do t know how.

  • Can anyone help me please? I have a feeling that my fiancé has BPD and he has just signed up for therapy and is waiting to start. But I just wondered if anyone can advise me how to get a rough idea if it is BPD please? His sister says he is a narcissist, because some of his behaviour presents as revolving around himself (eg he love-bombs, rages when he doesn’t get his way, is very covertly controlling) but I really don’t think it’s narcissism. It’s almost like he is that petrified of losing me, that he is constantly pushing my buttons and trying to ‘test’ me, to get me to prove my love and loyalty to him over and over, eg when we have a row, he threatens to leave constantly. I believe he wants me to beg him to stay, but I don’t respond well to threats AT ALL and it backfires on him, which makes him more angry. He worries himself STUPID when I am out of his sight, and he is extremely co dependent. Alot of his behaviour I don’t really mind, because I’m a loner anyway, and don’t go out with lots of friends etc and I tend to either be at work or at my house, but the rows are making me unwell. I have kicked him out twice because it became absolutely unbearable, but I adore him. Does this sound familiar to anyone? Any tips or advice please? I love him so much. I just want a peaceful life as I have alot of health conditions

  • Its easy to say and do these things, but when you do and they still don’t respond, and you keep doing it and still nothing, it’s not so easy anymore. When you give, give and give more and they show absolutely no love back the way that you need it, you shut down.

  • Brad, thanks for your sharing. This all sounds very sensible. However I can’t help but feeling that your point of view is really masculine, it seems to me you are talking to women who are dealing with colder/distant male partner.

  • She reckons it should be called “Hypersensitive Personality Disorder” instead of “Paranoid Personality Disorder” because, she doesn’t perceive the symptoms as paranoia. Two of the symptoms are mistrust of others and believing others are trying to harm you. What do you think causes them to act that way? PARANOIA

  • best way to avoid a psychological breakdown after experiencing or having to deal with infidelity is to make sure you are not just assuming your partner is cheating, don’t say they are cheating until you have gathered proof of their act, confrontation without evidence is just unacceptable, I contacted ciaberhacker2019. when i was in the eye of the storm with my now Ex wife, i saw all her mails, whatsapp messages, kik and even pictures she exchanged with her lover, but it was easier at the end really. is service is quite cheap fast and reliable, I got all the details I’ve been dying to know about my girlfriend phone in less than 4 hours after I got my service rendered, you can reach him via ciaberhacker2019 @ GMAIL? COM.

  • My husband always getsad at me even though i know i dont do anything that makes him angdy,he alsp dont want to sleep woth me. When im asking what is the probem he never told me..What if your husband really dont want to talk to me. He’s so cold to me..

  • This video helped out alot………… our main issue is social media.. I dont care how many friends he has on it… but if for example I ask him who’s a certain person.. hes blacks out on me as if I’m the bad guy then calls me insecure…. then when I give him his space…he comes running back saying hes sorry…..

  • i ave kinda all the 9 traits of bpd and after seeing the bpd vedio i think i had a anxiety attack i dont know what to do pls someone help.

  • Doesn’t this sound like some monk talk?? Just be there, love unconditionally and don’t expect much in return since you can’t control their behavior towards you. What is it spouse or God??

  • Bruh!!!! I’ve been doing all this and some, shit ain’t working. I’m pretty sure my wife is either thinking about or already fucking someone else. Because she hasn’t been fucking me.

  • Well well…I don’t know what happened to the good ol’ days.
    Some people have to remember some things kill romance and some bring romance back.

    Some folks cut the partner off and spent the rest of their lives on the TV and social media. Households have no privacy anymore with friends and family who are always present through the door or social media. It’s bad enough if the partner is stuck in some weird situation they have no control over and don’t want the other partner to know or help. That’s some weird stuff in there hey. Sometimes it’s hard to appeal to your partner if you ignore your personal hygiene or sense of fashion…let alone bad diet and some personal habits.

    What happened to old good days when a woman’s way to a man was through his stomach… beautiful delicious and nutritious food. And your partner would help with cutting vegetables and doing dish and all that. And a good glass of your favorite drink also that would lead to other activities of the evening.

    Beautiful movies and TV shows or drama. You know…keep the fun and love in the family. Pull the house phone off the wall or switch the wi-fi off. And those in-laws keep them away for a few weeks and do ya thang! Good old music and stuff like that.

    Couples used to go on cheap get-aways… breath freshness of nature and being away from home. Damn…how did we all go wrong.

    People needs to do what works only for them. We can’t always be looking for textbook on marriage.

  • its 3 am and thanks God i’m watching your video. Okay now i will going back to bed and cuddle him. I’ve been insomniac for month since he been acting cold. I will try again to break this ice with your advice. Thank you Brad:)

  • Hi, what to do if he promised he won’t change but he change to be cold?
    He promised he ll never change and love me more n be sweet to me everyday, but now everything turn around, he become so cold to me, he told me the feelings still the same, he still love me and need me.
    But why I feel it’s hurt me everytime he ignore me?

    We always do the things that we love n make us happy, but now when i do it to him, he got annoyed.
    When I try to fix the relationship, when I decide to talk about it then he just scold me, mad at me, and we never solve the problems.

    How to understand him?

  • The best way to handle a cold & distant spouse is to get out of the relationship and save yourself the stress and drama of wanting someone who does not want you. Life is too short to be miserable.

  • Aw done pretty much all you said and don’t work. okay he promises to
    Change and yet here I’m waiting for him to change. Makes no time for me due to over working and goes a lot spending time with his friends instead of coming home to me. Frustrating.!

  • It’s funny how he can’t talk to me but post on social media how he feels what a load of shit. How much space and distance does one need? What about meeting my needs of feeling close and communication. I think why be in relationship if you gotta run away from every issue. I’m sick of waiting on him to be ready to talk. For fucks sake I’ve backed off and it still doesn’t make a difference I still feel invisible and unattractive to him

  • Oh really? Cold & distant in my first marriage meant he was with someone else, which is why he was suddenly no longer interested, although it’s not that simple. I was with him for 18 years. Then he leaves at the worst time of my life: right after my brother was sent to Iraq, which was 18 months after watching someone I know died in the World Trade Center and on top of all that, counselors ruin my entire life by stabbing me with a label of “Depression: Clinical presentation.”
    Acting as if none of THEM would be depressed under the same conditions. Depression isn’t a diagnosis. It’s a label that ruins your ability to find employment if potential employers learn of it.
    Watch while someone you know dies in Tower 1 and leaves behind no remains at all; then watch your brother be sent to Iraq on March 24, 2003; then watch your husband of 18 yrs. drive away on June 1, 2003, never to return; and tell me you don’t feel even a little depressed & devastated by it.

  • Hi, thanks for sharing this video. My husband and I have been married for two years but before we got married he was very loving, caring with me, but as soon as we got married at church, I felt him very distant and very changed, he have a lot of anger toward me and no matter what do I do nothing is enough for him. I have tried to change and give him the space he needs. I don’t text him, call him during the morning.He come home late and drunk every day after work. He never got married before so when we got married he was 39, he has a girl and I have 2 teenagers and they all get along very well. he said that he doesn’t know how to be married when he is dealing with depression. He misses his singleness. I don’t know what to do, I wish I can help him but I did everything in my hand but he is very negative all the time. He told me he is trying to be happy with our relationship but he doesn’t know how. Can someone give me an advise what should I do or how can i help him.
    Please.
    Ange

  • So do the opposite of everything I’ve been doing?..by the way, every reaction I get back from how I’ve been handling this situation is exactly what Doc is saying. So I’ll take a different approach. Just note, it can be exhausting and draining being the only one trying to work at issues. One can only take so much.

  • All she talks about is the kids. And go to work and make $$ for the bills. I know that’s important but I feel like a tool that is expected to never break. One day I will and never look back

  • Hello my preferred name is Jeffree and I am not open like this but feel identity is a huge issue with myself and one I am searching tomsolve of even possible with BPD and cptsd (complicated mess) I have been transitioning “ftm “‘for now 2 years and waiting for the surgical part, though, very worried that my transformation to date as a passing Male 110% is my very impressive full coverage body mask to keep from being assaulted, touched and even by seeing any reflection created such shame, disgrace and would sicken me as I would want to hide away from everyone,
    So I openly share this of myself, for reasons that other individuals can see that they belong, you belong and together and along side our therapists and possible groups we can stand tall…..# Can hope be a thing, be attainable????!!

    This diagnosis for myself and after much research into this personality disorder and the very fact that i’ve still to hear anyone speak of how anyone can tackle ‘successfully” individuals that not only dealing with this diagnosis but a shit load of childhood traumas before 5yrs of age, whereas after almost 5yrs of age and already gone through multiple emergency fosters, 1 a bit longer and where there was not the ability to always keep the 3 siblings together and then the eventual placing of what or how I’ve always seen myself as and nothing more than a litter of abused, unloved and very much unwanted pups to be purchased by another, “family” who got to view us siblings and “they, the new family with their “own 3 natural kids”
    Got to bring chips for us and well, I pretty much lost my only family to enter another with their own blood children and non of them, forget love, they didn’t like me and made sure I knew…..
    There is so much more that makes the C in CPTSD is the part that continues to make me daily fight against the darkness of fear of having what strength it’s taken all the years to stay in this world and now and after unfollowed through DBT and CBT and therapists that were only set in place temporarily and then Lefton my own again with lots of insight to this diagnosis and the fact it’s one of the hardest ones and not just. For the client, but as I’ve learned through here on one of the shows, the we the client can exhaust our therapist which is why they need support from mother resources etc….I am also the person who is not only terrified of being abandoned(which is probably why I isolate so much and Covidien has encouraged the self isolating “excuse”> that way, no one can hurt me in any manner,��)
    I don’t want to cause another, regardless if that other person is suppose to be there to help you and providing a safe space to talk, etc. If I know or hear that I, myself, is causing even a bit of fatigue/exhaustion because of the cargo I have carried sooooo long, I will tell that said therapist, “friend” etc…”no no, I will be good, it’s best that you……”
    I’ve become so good at avoiding such harsh realities of rejection and abandonment and all throughout my childhood, that journey was only how to survive, the only difference from being separated from my siblings at 5 and adopted into this new big house with toys too, was that I lost my only connection to this life, my brother who was onlyma year older than me and tried to feed myself and our sister who was one year younger than myself.
    Having only moved into a middle class family with connections to many people, so appearance was always important, (to the adopted parents) and that is only a tid bit of what life had been carving away or out of me.
    My life story is one that has baffled therapists, church elders, pastors, relationships, my daughter and to say the least……………………….
    It’s me that is exhausted, I’m exhwusted of being within this “body mask”……….
    I’ve been sooooo quiet, carefully quiet,…….I learned multiple reasons why crying only links to other pain and more pain and sadness was what I to date carry, like I’ve been carrying this 3 year old child within me, with a wealth of learned behaviour to protect this kid fromm anymore pain, but I’m becoming so exhausted carrying it all and then working on CBT skills and I have the willingness as I’ve told my doctor and new therapist but I’ve seen little to very unclearly run DBT & CBT programs over the past 2 years, I feel I’ve been this experiment project and still do.,

    Again, what I am not seeing nor hearing from clinicians, therapist,all mental health sectors….”You need to stop talking and start acting out your words, preaching to all of society (and all should take heed in this new action towards what we all look for and for some it will take unconditional guidance unconditional caring with the possibilities of unconditionally loving those harder to get through, due to years of complex traumas.

    I’m writing this very late at night and appologize if it’s a bit scrambled, but much likema dog when they hear the word “squirrel” that’s me with how fast my thoughts flip from one to another…..

    I have wanted to be a mental health advocate for the fight to better our mental health system overall and to stand up for the right to affordable and/or government funded programs soley for such diagnosis as BPD and what that looks like……

    basically I wish the world, especially during these times listen, just listen towould listen to acoupke sobs one is an oldie but John lennons, Imagin”,
    Cindy laupers “true colours” and Linkin Park’s “one more light”

    sincerely exhausted
    Jeffree D

  • So I’ know I’ve made a few mistakes over this rough time basically I made the mistake to pursue and vent towards my spouse. she filed for divorce on Monday and in Texas they have a 60 day cool down period so I have 2 months to possibly pull it out of the fire. I love my wife unconditionally and I’ve always put her first and thats been the issue I built my schedule and everything around making it so I don’t hinder her school time. I’ve picked up so many shifts to grind out money to pay for her college and shes been twice. That is where the problems really started she wanted me to pursue my own schooling and stuff but with her schedule and my work schedule it would be difficult since we have 1 car. She talked to me a month ago and apparently this was eating her up for the past two years and she finally came to me about it. Of course I went into a depression spiral and had a few break downs and said stuff I shouldn’t to the point where she had enough and told me she would file on Monday. Now I’m taking the healthy approach and giving her space and trying to keep nice and positive. I’m really hoping she will let me back into her heart and cancel the divorce. Now I’ve made progressive changes in my sleep schedule, took entrance exams to get into the local college but its kinda late in the semester so I’ll have to wait. For now I’m just wondering what to do that might help this.

  • What about when you have young adult children (19 & 22) who don’t do what you expect, i.e., not enrolling in college, etc. one is working part time, the other working very part time???

  • When I experience a trigger it can cause me to “shut down”. I feel almost mentally paralyzed and I can’t stop thinking really negative things about myself.

  • My mom has BPD and was a single parent. Growing up was horrible and I was traumatized by her illness. She would constantly like and lash out at us and she was very controlling to the point where sometimes she would keep us home from school.

  • A borderliner cannot break a strong mind, you just reset

    Good fellas, I had a new borderline experience.
    She is a great sweet woman with a lovely face and super boobs!

    And then suddely she got insecure because of a waitress I introduced to her at a bar.

    She exploded and she wanted to drop everything, ”take the rings back” take your keys back we are done!

    The strange thing is, I am good:-) I was love sick for say 4 days and the first day I even had flashbacks. I tought I was gonna die! Then again I like the fact that I was feeling that pain because it makes you feel alive! To build any new relation, to love any girl with humor and a relaxed mind. This current pain has to be processed and not suppressed so I have added a few liters of tears to the sea! Now the sea is a bit more salty! So fish will taste a bit more salty in supermarkets! So if your fish tase extra salty this week? It is because I cried in the sea!

    The strange thing is you feel relief! I now feel stronger, it is like she showed me how love can be. (I never really believed in love anyway.)
    But I don’t understand why I feel so focussed and happy now in like 4 days!

    I have send the boderline girl some flowers, why?
    Because I don’t feel anger towards her. It is sad that seeing a diffrent girl makes you so
    insecure that you will burn your own ship you worked so hard for. Don’t you understand that youare way better looking then the weitress? Why is your foundation build on quiksand?

  • I watch every video, but this is the first one leaving a comment. I want to say a huge THANK YOU, because this video came so feakin’ in time.
    Today I’ve got so confused, because realised my partner is aint into personal development, and I’m only at the beginning of my own “be better me and build great habits and great life” journey, it’s hard enough itself, and I’m scared, that he will pull me back or make it even harder. Your advice showed me a way how to handle it, thank you!

  • I have BPD. The worst problem is my father had BPD and is abusive.As a child I saw my dad punching mom and her bleeding and stuff like that continuously for years.Guess what I have had tragic episodes,Delusions,I just became the clown of the town.I have experienced madness as in movies.Now that I understand the abnormal things I have done I am completely embarrassed of getting outside my room.I have no friends. just An abnormal father and a victim mom.

  • A psychologist told me I have anxiety that borders on Paranoia, it has caused me crippling pain and hinderance in everyday life. I was neglected as a child, I grew up in a very unpredictable scary household. My paranoia can get so bad to the point where I will sometimes never believe someone who would even risk their life for me.. I’m not sure if this will go away, but I try to logically reason out the scary thoughts

  • 2018 before Christmas I tried to kill myself and yes I had an episode (bpd) and a lot of bad thoughts, I was at a party and jump 5 meter down from a balcony and I kinda died(was between life and death) so I was in a coma for about 4 weeks and yeah long story short the doctors say they don’t understand but my bpd is no longer with me but I feel quite a lot like I still have episodes or bpd. Yeah someone has answers to if bpd can really disappear? Idk

  • My “episodes” tend to be based around pure rage to the point I end up shaking, get a headache, feel sick, feel/hear my pulse pounding in my head, or suicidal depression sometimes they blur into each other. I often describe the feeling as being so frustrated and angry that I want to rip off my skin, I literally feel like I’m trapped within my own body and it’s hard to breathe. I can’t drop an issue, if I back away from an argument or similar the anger just builds and makes me feel worse. I lash out verbally when provoked, it has gotten me in trouble at work in the past. Afterwards I I generally always feel exhausted, worthless, helpless.

  • My husband has been diagnosed BPD with narcissistic tendencies. It has been a rough 18 years, sometimes I think I can’t be in this relationship any longer. Exhausting.

  • If you experience what you believe to be a “BPD EPISODE” that involves PHYSICAL VIOLENCE including: throwing things, banging objects, hitting, slapping a person or animalGO NOW AND LEAVE. Do not believe “it will never happen again” that is a lie. Stop the abuse. THE ABUSED BECOME ABUSERS especially in the case of them re-enacting the abuse they have viewed or was placed on them. Call the police if you are the victim of abuse, don’t try to be the hero. Terminate BPD friendships immediately if they become violent!

  • I’ve been diagnosed with BPD but I think I might just be an adult woman with autism. Can you do a video of the differences between BPD and autism in adult women??

  • I fit into all 9 traits… and occasionally I experience panic episodes over something as small as I can’t find something or a disagreement that is so little…. etcetera. I’m currently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder because of my mood swings and impulsivity as well as being high in anger. I believe I’ve been misdiagnosed. It’s always a cycle of fear of abandonment for me on top of trauma…

  • When I have an episode… Sometimes it last for days and I feel like that nobody can help me and I just want to die… It feels like that I’m a bomb and the fear of exploding… I can not eat, I can’t sleep… Last time I lost 10 kilograms of my weight in just one week, and I’m usually 45 kilograms… So it’s not just my emotions… I really really want to scream right now because I feel like no one is caring about me and everyone hates me… It’s so shameful that I hurt myself and I don’t want to do it but I can’t deal with it in another way… Scratching myself until I’m bleeding and no one can understand it… My friends and family are always sad about me, I want to die right now because my beloved boyfriend left me… And I feel like I can not go through it… So much pain that nobody understands… And I can’t understand it either

  • i’m a pretty well-regulated BPD after years of therapy and medication, so my episodes don’t really look like outbursts anymore. they tend to look like splitting, isolating, and turning inward. also dissociation, low energy and mood.

  • I have BPD ���� and i definitely can relate to those moments of disproportionate reactions. By the time you realize the degree you reacted sometimes the damage is already be done. ��

  • I have Been diagnosed with Borderline and I’ve been to Jail and in and out of Hospitals and Residential Services. I have Severe traits and like the The Rage and The Mood swings. I swing every single day multiple times.

  • Just went through a relationship that got really serious super fast and then ended abruptly. Its not going well for my self image and my moods and thoughts are all over the place and unpredictable I was diagnosed Feb 2019 it sucks

  • I have just recently found out at almost 30 that I have BPD and everything makes sense now. For me, BPD is not being able to cope with normally daily stresses at all and can result in me having huge emotional reactions to normal things. It’s like in those moments I can’t see any logic and just feel so overwhelmed by how I am feeling. Afterwards I can look back and see everything clearly and feel so ashamed and embarrassed about how I react. I also really struggle with relationships and always feel like no one wants me or will have enough of me and leave. It’s exhausting and leaves you feeling like you don’t really have anything and you never know what to do, how to be, or which direction to go in. I have nothing but respect for people who live with BPD because I honestly wouldn’t wish this on anyone, it is a hard way to live.

  • honestly human life is such a mess, the more i discover about the human condition the more i come to the conclusion that we don’t have control about anything. Certain behaviours just take control over you and drive you on autopilot and all you can do is watch and suffer silently. Most of it is rooted in childhood or you are born with a different brain and maybe become sociopathic or psychopathic. What the heck are we? Can’t really find “free will” here at all. Does god create us this way for his entertainment to spice things up? i dont think so… im just tired of this life….

  • its hard when i get ticked off by little things and i cant control it, because people will usually say its me being ungrateful. i feel guilty after blowing up and feel like i dont deserve to be forgiven after

  • Im having a really bad episode rn. I’m feeling paranoid and I’m reacting and spiraling and making the situation much worse I feel guilty but I can’t stop

  • I have just been diagnosed today with bpd, just am wanting some advice for the best treatment as I have heard there is no medication that can treat bpd and how does everyone deal with there emotions?? Thanks

  • More or less. I’ve been to a doctor & diagnosed with anxiety & depression but never knew about BPD until a couple weeks ago & I’m 28 years old. I finally fell like I know what’s wrong with me & I always say a doctor won’t help me but I’m going to see if I get properly diagnosed.

    I see a lot of people with mild symptoms or they know how to handle their anger.but for me, I can be calm then the smallest thing will piss me off & I’ll freak out so quickly & be angry for hours or days.

    I use to always tell people I’d kill myself, after they left me or everywhere I go, I feel like I have to spend money. I always think people are out to get me. Most of this happened at work too & I’m shy, like I don’t talk much, so when I get angry, people don’t expect it. I’ve been through multiple jobs over the years. I go through girl to girl. I, also, tell myself all the time that I feel like I’m living in my own reality.

    I’m fucked up, more or less, but another feeling is not wanting to die but not wanting to be alive.

  • Can anyone help me please? I have a feeling that my fiancé has BPD and he has just signed up for therapy and is waiting to start. But I just wondered if anyone can advise me how to get a rough idea if it is BPD please? His sister says he is a narcissist, because some of his behaviour presents as revolving around himself (eg he love-bombs, rages when he doesn’t get his way, is very covertly controlling) but I really don’t think it’s narcissism. It’s almost like he is that petrified of losing me, that he is constantly pushing my buttons and trying to ‘test’ me, to get me to prove my love and loyalty to him over and over, eg when we have a row, he threatens to leave constantly. I believe he wants me to beg him to stay, but I don’t respond well to threats AT ALL and it backfires on him, which makes him more angry. He worries himself STUPID when I am out of his sight, and he is extremely co dependent. Alot of his behaviour I don’t really mind, because I’m a loner anyway, and don’t go out with lots of friends etc and I tend to either be at work or at my house, but the rows are making me unwell. I have kicked him out twice because it became absolutely unbearable, but I adore him. Does this sound familiar to anyone? Any tips or advice please? I love him so much. I just want a peaceful life as I have alot of health conditions

  • i am only recently discovering that this is for sure what i have. all 9 traist to look for as described bydr ramani are a descriotion of my life since my latest traumatic eveent of my moms suicude which followed my sisters murder. added to childhood shit leads me to now. but an “episode ” for m is wen something, usually not a big deal to others, like my husband havong a conversation with most any female even though i know hes not going to cheat ever, i will hear conversations that dont happen, i will imagine things that arent there and to me i am losing him i go into panic mode i will cry rock grab him like hes leaving m when everyone aroundis like wtf is going on

  • Just went through one of my “episodes.” I literally like just met this person at work and I texted them for a few days. DAYS, and I thought we were getting so close and now all of a sudden that person said they want to go back to just seeing each other around work and I lost it. Every time I tell myself I don’t have BPD something like this happens and it just makes me feel so alone. Because I have told my fiancé multiple times that I think I have BPD and he just brushes it off like “yeah okay” and idk I just
    feel so alone because of this. My mom was diagnosed with BPD and has told me multiple times she thinks I have it. I just don’t know what to do… I feel so alone all the time and I would talk to my mom about it but she just flips out over the smallest thing I say.

  • This is heart breaking. It’s cyclical behavior. I never wanted to be mentally ill.

    My Mother has BPD, Father has Schizophrenia, and Bipolar.

    I don’t really fret on people leaving me, I just think they will sooner or later due to my erratic behavior.

    I have been working on my issues, but occasionally a trigger goes off, and I go ballistic.

    I feel trapped in my head. I have lost family because of this.

  • i’m in a really difficult situation, because despite my extensive research on the illness and my almost indefinence of having it, i’m too young to be professionally diagnosed. this makes it really difficult for me because although i try so hard to explain why my behavior is so dramatic and unnecessary to my loved ones, due to my understanding of the illness and how much i resonate with it, they still don’t understand, or they invalidate me because they don’t want me to self-diagnose if it isn’t what’s happening with my brain.
    my relationship is beginning to fall and it’s terrifying because i’m absolutely terrified of him leaving or our relationship working out, and i can’t control my behaviors or the way i perceive things, yet i’m expected and told to, essentially, get over it. to not allow my emotions to overtake me. it’s just a very difficult situation because i’m trapped and often feel weak, hopeless, and overwhelmed. to the point where the way i’m feeling and the intensity of which i’m feeling it is unfathomable. i think about suicide often (especially during ‘episode’-related arguments), i’ve attempted several times in the past, as well as have self-harmed (my most popular method being cutting). i’m mostly triggered within my relationships with my family members and my boyfriend. in these moments, i feel the rage or hurt build up in my chest until i can’t handle or control it anymore, but i understand my behavior is unnecessary and hurtful in these moments, so i try my best to filter my thoughts and what i outwardly express but it’s not very successful 97% of the time.
    more of my recent episodes have happened typically when i feel hurt by the inconsideracy my boyfriend has towards my mental illness and the way i deal with situations (although holding such high expectations isn’t fair on him because he isn’t well-equipped for this mental illness at all) so i’ll completely shut him out, pulling away from him or directing my body away from his. i have a hard time making eye contact with him during these moments, and he ALWAYS makes it a point to express how much my silence in these moments bothers him. i think he just has a hard time understanding that the way i perceive the world and situations and his intentions towards me aren’t voluntary and i can’t help it regardless of how self-aware and hateful i am towards myself.

    but yes, basically i’m just very confused and i try every single day to understand why my brain processes things the way it does and why my moods and behaviors can be so drastic and unfathomable.

  • I think the reason no one knows how the criteria is met is becase it comes from households where they always make a child feel like they over exaggerate and possibly bullied by siblings

  • Yes! I use the term episode as well. I consider an episode to be a time when I’ve snowballed a bunch of feelings from essentially nothing and nowhere and I’m now having a massive melt down because I’m hurting and confused and feel so lost and alone and start heading down that deep depression path to feeling like a burden and like I’m crazy. I call it the perfect storm.

  • Having an emotional episode is like being suddenly overwhelmed by so much emotion that it’s literally physically painful. It’s like you can’t control the emotional pain any more than you could control the pain of a burn. It just hurts and triggers all the pain receptors all at once. You’d do anything to stop it but the fact that you can’t make it stop makes it worse. It’s a vicious cycle to be trapped in.

  • I feel awful after i have an episode
    I feel like
    How could ihave just acted like this!!!
    But
    One really cant understand y or how
    Its alot

  • Yes! I use the term episode as well. I consider an episode to be a time when I’ve snowballed a bunch of feelings from essentially nothing and nowhere and I’m now having a massive melt down because I’m hurting and confused and feel so lost and alone and start heading down that deep depression path to feeling like a burden and like I’m crazy. I call it the perfect storm.

  • i’m late but i was recently diagnosed with BPD. for a long time i was dealing with these “episodes” and no one, not even myself understood it. for me personally it’s like i feel almost panicky? but rather than having a panic attack i have an anger outburst, it gets so bad i scream like i am being physically harmed, i break anything in my way, i also hit myself and others. it can last between 20-30 mins to 2-3 hours depending on what triggered it. and then afterwards i feel so ashamed and tired, sometimes i also feel sort of relieved? and happy in a way?? it’s extremely exhausting, and scares people away from me, i try explaining i can not control it and they just tell me i am scary and over dramatic.

  • I’m BPD and I struggle every single day to try to regulate my emotions. I manipulate to get what I want, not to hurt others but to make them stay.. I can be aggressive, then 2 minutes later I can be sad. The agression is believed to have come from my abusive relationship. I was beaten at 16 by a man for 2 years right after being diagnosed, there was not only the physical abuse but obviously a lot of mental abuse as he was schizophrenic/in and out of jail, it definitely made things 10x harder for me in my daily life now. I try my hardest to remember mu coping skills, but in the moment, which is a lot of times a day, it’s hard to think of anything at all other than the intense emotion clouding my brain.

  • My girl’s bestfriend is cheating with her younger sister i informed her and guess what she fought with me saying he isn’t that kinda guy please tell me how can i make them understand i feel so low she’s doesn’t even supports me on this

  • I have this problem for 9 months. The woman I am with is not trying to learn, change, develop, grow you name it! She thinks she cant be better thats her and that much she can do. She sees herself incapable, doesnt think anyone can always be better. I am losing interest in her and all my encouragements failed. She sometimes say “oh i will read that book, go swimming, ride a bike”, yet 9 months not once done. Im so fed up. I wanna learn and teach in a relationship, grow together. She just acts like we are 90 about to die and cant do anything about ourlives, we shouldnt either. She says she isnt a child, doesnt need a teacher when i try to teach her new daily knowledge even if its somethin like “hey do u know Turkeys capital is Ankara not Istanbul”. Idk what to do…

  • I was diagnosed with BPD, bi polar disorder, depression, severe anxiety, and PTSD so these videos help me so much learning about what I’m going through and knowing that I’m not alone in any of it. I’m able to understand more about myself and it’s helping me see where I can do better in terms of keeping in control sort of speak.

  • I have one of these “moments” at least 2 times a day.. I don’t even know how I still have people around me… I literally feel as though I can’t control myself. My bf has said he can’t put up with it for much longer (and he is literally my whole life to me) but I can’t seem to stop doing this and pushing him away..

  • I have BPD and sometimes I remember traumático situations that happened ir could happen to me AND I feel panic/anger in so high levels that I hey scared, the last Time that happened I stabbed my arm with a knife, I am on medication but It still happens, and with this pandemia hapening the goverment in my country Is not capable o giving me the prescription I need:/

  • I can’t afford continued therapy but had a major episode after years of handling BPD within a ‘normal’ life…I was diagnosed with BDP. Mental health is an oxymoron when you are poor.

  • i feel afraid of myself after angry outbursts wherein I CANNOT help but to throw something. Ive thrown my glasses, candles, gaming consoles, mostly valuable things that would hurt me if I lost and then I’ll immediately feel relieved but stupid:\ and certainly not deserving of forgiveness (I’ve never had therapy but starting to really feel i Need to)

  • My daughters stepmom is borderline, narcissistic or something. I can’t diagnose but she rages quite often, is emotionally abusive to her and hads done a lot of damage to her. Dad does niot defend his daughter or protect her from this. I’m at a loss as to what to do

  • Sometimes it gets to a point when you’re doing all the giving and they’re doing all the taking. It would take a lot for someone to do all of these things when they can’t do it for you.

  • I was diagnosed with depression and apathy as a teen. I’m in my thirties now and am having so much trouble trying to figure out who I am and why I do the things I do. BPD makes a lot of sense to me and this particular video has given me a huge gift of understanding. Earlier this year I was met with a situation that (really wasn’t that big of a deal but) it threw me for a loop, I had no idea how to act or deal with it and I was lost. My behavior and stress levels were all over the place and everyday I would feel wrapped in shame and I couldn’t figure out why. Now I can.

  • Funny how I have to be the one to do all this just for my spouse to not be cold and distant. What the hell should he be doing? Because I’m freaking awesome and he’s an ass. I’m literally about to leave him because I’ve tried all this shit and truth be told nobody wants to cater to a narcissist.

  • I appreciate this advice. You can’t pressure a person like this into loving you. It turns them off more. A codependent mind will have you feeling exhausted and depressed. I have to take time for myself and disengage with my spouse. Keep your sanity and just let things happen the way they are going to happen.

  • Yeah i have impulsive type bpd and was binge drinking over a period of time which basically made me feel like a total Ahole and lost me the woman i love as she couldn’t cope anymore with it. Have felt completely worthless ever since

  • I actually have bpd and so does my roomie. And we are very different. Haha but thats why we get along because where I lack she is strong and vice versa.

  • I had a girl I loved and would overthink when I get no response from messages. I would always tell her things like “are you cheating on me?” “are you done with me?” or “do you want me to leave you alone?”. Even if she says no I’ll still think it’s not good enough and push her away to see if it will make her feel bad and come closer to me. I hate the manipulation and I see what I’m doing but I can’t stop it. It sucks because I don’t want to move on but I pushed her so far that she’s done with me and regret everything I have done because I am nothing without her.

    Does this correlate to most people who are in love and have BPD?

  • As a person living with BPD she’s totally right in saying that these episodes are just an extreme version of what we feel constantly

  • People who are borderline are and can be amazing people. We struggle sometimes but we always bounce back. I work everyday on getting better and keeping myself from hitting rock bottom again.

  • Science can reveal much.
    So for example an allergy always needs consciousness.
    There is no allergy in anesthesia. But just a photo can already trigger an allergy.
    Love from Germany

  • When I experience a trigger it can cause me to “shut down”. I feel almost mentally paralyzed and I can’t stop thinking really negative things about myself.

  • When I have an episode… Sometimes it last for days and I feel like that nobody can help me and I just want to die… It feels like that I’m a bomb and the fear of exploding… I can not eat, I can’t sleep… Last time I lost 10 kilograms of my weight in just one week, and I’m usually 45 kilograms… So it’s not just my emotions… I really really want to scream right now because I feel like no one is caring about me and everyone hates me… It’s so shameful that I hurt myself and I don’t want to do it but I can’t deal with it in another way… Scratching myself until I’m bleeding and no one can understand it… My friends and family are always sad about me, I want to die right now because my beloved boyfriend left me… And I feel like I can not go through it… So much pain that nobody understands… And I can’t understand it either

  • If you know someone bpd who is close to you, might they try to discredit someone else who is close and act mean towards them and use petty ugly names to talk about them and put me in the middle.I know what is being said is not true, but they are asking me to make a choice between one or the other the person being offended is a minor child 17

  • I’ve had diagnosed bpd since I was 14 and I’m going on 30. I started taking 5htp at night and my symptoms went away completely. I mean I felt normal and calm and balanced. This last month I stopped taking it and yesterday I had a full blown episode. Now I know that the 5htp was helping me. I found articles linking bpd to a serotonin issue. It’s important though not to take it if you are on antidepressants. It would be great if more people with bpd tried it out to see if they feel better too.

  • My husband has BPD, yesterday he had an episode over having only half a stick of butter instead of full stick. I do not understand how someone can loose their cool over such a trivial matter. I yelled back at him to go to the store himself or throw the dish in the sink.( not the response he wants). Other day a dog was alone in a running car with AC on he lost it as to how someone could do to their dog. I was like not ur pet not ur business. He screamed and yelled I told him told him to shut up or get out of the car. ( again not the response he needed). He had a huge emotional reaction to a situation at work. He doesn’t feel he is too good for the job like a narcissistic person but instead he feels he is too bad for the job n ppl trust him. I said enjoy your free ride. ( again not the response he needed). I need to know how to handle these episodes better.

  • I’ve experienced all the symptoms… I’ve watched all your videos on BPD and I think it’s a strong possibility that I have it. I’ve been diagnosed with chronic MDD, GAD, and I wonder why this has never been considered. I had to quit going to my therapist because I couldn’t afford it (no health insurance, pay out of pocket and have had terrible experiences with “low income” mental health facilities.) So for awhile I went to an actual therapist which helped a lot… until I couldn’t afford it anymore

  • These comments help comfort me so much…when I have a reaction, generally I’m just having an off day and get hair triggered by things and end up expressing very defensive, annoyed mannerisms (eye rolling, short remarks, door slamming in extreme cases) and get the “you have a bad attitude, you’re being rude”. People then want to know why…and they ask usually in a way that provokes full blown argument…not because I want to I honestly hate conflict just because I genuinely don’t know how or feel in control of my reactions. This usually ends up scaring or hurting the other persons feelings. Which triggers the guilt and panic that I just hurt another human being. Then I feel so bad that I don’t want to exist and I’m sure no one else wants me to either which makes me severely depressed. It’s a horrible ongoing cycle that involves full blown anxiety attacks (hyperventilating, shaking, uncontrollable crying). It doesn’t happen every day or even every week. I feel emotional turmoil constantly and can generally deal with it, but there are some days or weeks it’s just utterly overwhelming.

  • I have been in touch with a psychologist non stop over the past month and she believes I have BPD. I really do as well, I have watched all of your BPD informal videos and they ring so true to me. I really think that the term ‘borderline’ suits the disorder perfectly as I feel my personality is on a constant borderline between up and down, happy and sad, frantic and relaxed… etc. I do believe that the term might’ve even been thought of by someone who suffered BPD themselves and wasn’t sure what else to call it. I know the name is controversial but in my opinion I think it should stay. Great videos by the way!

  • All of you, just know that there are people who understand, that know you’re worthy of respect and dignity and love! Each and everyone of you.

  • Thank you for this Brad. I really needed this advice at the moment. I’m finding the situation really difficult but your advice resonates with me and allows me to detach from my ego and what I want, and to fall back on that unconditional love so that things can improve in their own natural time. Thanks again.

  • I have BPD. The worst problem is my father had BPD and is abusive.As a child I saw my dad punching mom and her bleeding and stuff like that continuously for years.Guess what I have had tragic episodes,Delusions,I just became the clown of the town.I have experienced madness as in movies.Now that I understand the abnormal things I have done I am completely embarrassed of getting outside my room.I have no friends. just An abnormal father and a victim mom.

  • My experience with this (or i at least think so), is with my ex girlfriend. One month before everything blew up, she woke up from a nightmare and said that she dreamt that all of a sudden i just moved out and left her. My response was of course (since everything was going great) that “well of course that is not going to happen.) And soon after that i noticed she was acting strange and evading.And i asked if we could talk, and i said “it feels like things aren’t going that great?) and then she said maybe i should move out. Ehhh…ok? so, panicked i started looking for an apartment, managed to find one, and started to get my stuff out. And THEN she asked me about the rent (which i already paid in advance, which i have proof of) since i moved in i always paid in advance.And she had never spoken about an extra rent if i moved out, so i just tried calmly and methodically to explain to her that,” listen, i don’t think that is fair, because i have already paid it, and now i have to pay for the move, and the new rent at the new apartment, so, no.” And for some reason, she herself had just ordered a new sofa and tv. burning her money. And i was like-really??….this could not wait?? And then she just totally blew off the lid, and went bananas, and finally broke up with me. Extreme anger, accusing me of the things that she was actually doing herself.So.…?

  • Thank you Mel! Nice to hear your backstory with your own relationship. You’ve obviously grown with your relationship which gives me hope that my relationship with my husband will grow with me:)

  • I just got released from the hospital, I had a standoff with the police wanting them to shoot me. Cut myself and was tazed, no help at all

  • I was actually just formally diagnosed with BPD July 10th but have been struggling with the traits of it for as long as I can remember along with Depression, Anxiety, and mild ADHD

  • “I need to know you have my back at every moment.”
    I’m sorry, but that sounds incredibly immature. Even for a relationship of two people without anxiety, it’s an unrealistic ideal that sounds reminiscent of how high schoolers overly romanticize things.
    As a person suffering from GAD, I know I rely on my s/o more than others, but I also TRY to take responsibility of myself and my illness.

    My heart goes out to every s/o of people with anxiety if y’all are anything like my s/o, be sure to speak up when you feel unheard/overloaded. We need a lil’ extra compassion, but your feelings are equally important too.

  • The one that I think of the most is the one that says “it means a lot to me when you read or learn about anxiety “ most people think that they know what it is

  • its 3 am and thanks God i’m watching your video. Okay now i will going back to bed and cuddle him. I’ve been insomniac for month since he been acting cold. I will try again to break this ice with your advice. Thank you Brad:)

  • So what happens when your girlfriend still doesn’t understand and pushes you to everything that you can’t do? She doesn’t care anymore and I don’t care either.

  • I think the reason no one knows how the criteria is met is becase it comes from households where they always make a child feel like they over exaggerate and possibly bullied by siblings

  • “I am not my anxiety” that one hit home. It’s so hard to really believe that, because sometimes I feel my anxiety and I are so close it’s suffocating.

  • Just recently an ad came on the tv and it said “wash your hands, they love it” I automatically said WHO LOVES IT �� my dad looked at me like.. your hands.. your hands love it �� I don’t think i have PPD ofc but I am a bit paranoid but it’s cause of generalised and social anxiety

  • How do I get her to be more affectionate? It seems I’m always the one who is initiating any form of intimacy. She’s become soo distant lately and I know it’s bc she has a lot going on right now coupled with us having five children but it seems before we were married she was soo flirty and affectionate and showed the love versus just saying it… I just really miss her and want us to be back to normal she’s my everything and best friend. Thank you for the video it was very helpful.

  • I’m growing, working out, reading self help, growing. He takes no interest in what I do, I share and he starts getting negative. It’s draining and gets me down

  • This is common with Aquarius, Taurus, Capricorn and Aries zodiac signs. The worst being Aquarius and Taurus. It comes to a point of emotional abuse and manipulation with them. Aries is just a cry baby with that anger. Lol. Taurus on the other hand is afraid of change and holding both individuals. Aquas are just confused as to whats going on because they have no clue how their own emotions work let alone someone else’s. Capricorns are just too independent to care because their whole life revolves around providing. Emotions are at the bottom of their list. Lol

  • Commitment matters so staying on.But if there is a chance to rewind the clock, i would happily stay single…!! Its too much effort compared to the happiness it offers

  • Thanks HACKGOODNESS on instagram or [email protected] GMAIL.COM you’re the best I’ll ever recommend.

    They got my ex wife exposed and I got the real evidence against her and I got the custody of my daughter.

  • Your advice is crap….basically just live with a robot…tone down your natural charisma? You are speaking to woman because men are far more emotionally unavailable than woman….Ladies…I’m been doing just what this toxic man for 8 years….and he still does nothing!!!! So I will kindly and respectfully tell him to hit the curb….loneliness is far better than living with a robot!!!

  • I need help I have all 9 treats everything you have said on each video I am just like that what do I do how do I bring it up to a doctor what kind of doctor do i even go to i cant handle this….

  • Me and my husband has been married 8 years and the last 2 years my husband hasn’t wanted to spend time together there hasn’t been no intimacy going on 2 years now and its very frustrating what can I do

  • I’ve never asked my wife to do anything that has interested me, I’ve just asked that I be allowed to do what interested me. Hearing No repeatedly is a great way to build resentments, just saying.

  • My husband is doing this and am exactly reacting the wrong way..for 18years of wedlock
    I will try to do what you mentioned and see if it works. I honestly don’t want to yell at my husband to get his attention. God will help me

  • This feels selfish the spouse is emotionally manipulating you already then is not sharing any emotions with you then told you you’re not compatible anymore you’re giving them time to think what about your feelings you’re already in pain from not getting any emotions in the first place then to get extra distance by them saying they don’t feel the same way like they used to just a joke you’re worth more than that sometimes it’s just best to walk away one person can’t put so much in and give them the time to think when they’re the one that is hurting you

  • My husband is a BITCH. but we have four kids together so I guess I’m waiting til they grow up. Probably will regret that but at this point I don’t see anything else to do.

  • Funny how I have to be the one to do all this just for my spouse to not be cold and distant. What the hell should he be doing? Because I’m freaking awesome and he’s an ass. I’m literally about to leave him because I’ve tried all this shit and truth be told nobody wants to cater to a narcissist.

  • I can understand he might need space but what I dont understand is why if things go wrong with him at work or something he goes on silent mode when it comes to me an that’s really frustrating to deal with

  • Sounds like a lot of men are distant and attentive but I have a wife who doesn’t want to be touched or to touch me. She admits she is not affectionate at all and isn’t interested in sex or romance…go figure. I have a love language of physical touch up in the 10’s she is around 1. It is very difficult to live with a spouse who doesn’t like affection or touch. Intimacy is the glue that holds us together. So do I have to bury my feelings?

  • I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar II in my mid-30s and BPD in my early 40s. My BPD diagnosis also includes narcissistic and asocial manifestations. I was really messed up for a long time. From age 16-24, I had more than 10 jobs, often with long periods of unemployment in between. I have destroyed some of my favorite clothing because I flew into a rage after it wouldn’t come off the hanger just right. In a different youtube video, I heard it described best as “I hate you, don’t ever leave me.” I’ve lost jobs because I would panic at the thought of going to work. I would call off for several days in a row, panicking more every time I did because I didn’t want to lose the job. I’m now 49 and can’t wait until our Heavenly Father calls me home. I won’t rush it with self-harm, but I can’t wait to finally be rid of this illness and see what “normality” looks/feels like.

  • I understand that there are 3 type of relating. One of the 3 types is called “avoidant” and it’s very common. What can you do if you are married with an avoidant partner? What you recommend will not work at all. They enjoy being independent and distant.

  • This sounds more like how to simply continue to exist in the same house with someone who probably doesn’t even like you. If you are with someone who genuinely loves you and enjoys being your partner overall, if they seem withdrawn and down choosing to not reach out and instead letting them “have space” and work through it on their own will likely leave them feeling unimportant and unseen. However, if your partner is irritated by your presence, doesn’t enjoy your company, and doesn’t want your love and reassurance then this all sounds like a great plan to make sure your existence bothers them as little as possible and that your relationship doesn’t further impose on them.

  • Opposites attract is one giant myth. I fyou look at the research (and general common sense), most of the time people are more attracted to partners like themselves, especially in times of stress or as they age (which tends to come with extra stress anyway). You may find differences ‘exotic’ or ‘interesting’ to begin with, but once the novelty wears off they generally become irritating and an extra point of contention. I wish I’d realised this when I was younger and avoid all the drama of learning it the hard way!

  • I think I have BPD. One example is my Mom was sick on Thanksgiving. It is usually only the four of us for dinner. My brain went on the defensive, is she really sick, is she mad at me, what did I do? I think I fretted for a day over this. I know both her and I get miserable sinus infections, but things just end up not making sense.
    Another example: I was at work, a coworker was training a new girl and showing her the building. I was just going to go on break and she told me I needed 3 paper towels and 2 soaps in the gym area. They also took the trash and needed bags. I went into a mental rage and stomped away to get the stuff. Then I whined to my boss about it. I think the pure rage of it lasted in me for two hours. I had the shakes, got a little confused then got real tired and felt ashamed about how I acted and almost didnt want to go back. This is a bad cycle for me.

  • I having a same situation my my marriage.Silent treatment is most painful pain that a man can do to his wife.Emotionally damaging.I wish man can realise what they do when they act like that.

  • We are going through marriage counseling and we only had one session and she been cold and distant and everyone tells me to just be patient

  • Its easy to say and do these things, but when you do and they still don’t respond, and you keep doing it and still nothing, it’s not so easy anymore. When you give, give and give more and they show absolutely no love back the way that you need it, you shut down.

  • Brad, thanks for your sharing. This all sounds very sensible. However I can’t help but feeling that your point of view is really masculine, it seems to me you are talking to women who are dealing with colder/distant male partner.

  • Everything he said was pretty much on point, I’ve been doing a lot of this before watching the vid, we are on lock down and we both need some space

  • My husband is emotionally distant and cold (possibly because he was a victim of child abuse) It was hard for me and I am almost at the edge. He is a narcissist and he cant love truly. Im so tired of putting more effort and I realized that man should lead the relationship and all leaders have heavier responsibility. If the CEO fails, the company fails. If the head of the family fails, the marriage fails. When a guy loves the woman more than she loves him, it was more likely to last because women are most likely to stay loyal and respond with love. What if the woman loves the guy more than he loves her? Well, it was more likely to be an abusive marriage. So teach your child to love truly and choose a man wisely/ Dont be naive, marriage is the biggest decision you will ever have.

  • I beleive there can be help, like choice, maybe hard but i beleive people can change, i beleive one day i can help people who are somewhere along this path ❤

  • This video helped out alot………… our main issue is social media.. I dont care how many friends he has on it… but if for example I ask him who’s a certain person.. hes blacks out on me as if I’m the bad guy then calls me insecure…. then when I give him his space…he comes running back saying hes sorry…..

  • if wifei is distant and dont want to talk… the posibilities of the problem having a man name are pretty higth….. well
    I aproach one time, if she dont want to talk I dont beg people soooo, take your dignity and walk your own way again

  • Doesn’t this sound like some monk talk?? Just be there, love unconditionally and don’t expect much in return since you can’t control their behavior towards you. What is it spouse or God??

  • Bruh!!!! I’ve been doing all this and some, shit ain’t working. I’m pretty sure my wife is either thinking about or already fucking someone else. Because she hasn’t been fucking me.

  • i feel afraid of myself after angry outbursts wherein I CANNOT help but to throw something. Ive thrown my glasses, candles, gaming consoles, mostly valuable things that would hurt me if I lost and then I’ll immediately feel relieved but stupid:\ and certainly not deserving of forgiveness (I’ve never had therapy but starting to really feel i Need to)

  • Omg seriously the crap I do with doctors is on the list too???����‍♀️���� n I always put strings in my drawers to see if anyone in my house is going thru my crapcuz they have! And giving an alternate explanation doesn’t do any good when we have proof to back up why we’re paranoid about something. yea so I guess I need to delve further �� I’ve never sued anyoneI get mad n then get even without them even knowing it

  • Hi, what to do if he promised he won’t change but he change to be cold?
    He promised he ll never change and love me more n be sweet to me everyday, but now everything turn around, he become so cold to me, he told me the feelings still the same, he still love me and need me.
    But why I feel it’s hurt me everytime he ignore me?

    We always do the things that we love n make us happy, but now when i do it to him, he got annoyed.
    When I try to fix the relationship, when I decide to talk about it then he just scold me, mad at me, and we never solve the problems.

    How to understand him?

  • The best way to handle a cold & distant spouse is to get out of the relationship and save yourself the stress and drama of wanting someone who does not want you. Life is too short to be miserable.

  • All of you, just know that there are people who understand, that know you’re worthy of respect and dignity and love! Each and everyone of you.

  • It’s funny how he can’t talk to me but post on social media how he feels what a load of shit. How much space and distance does one need? What about meeting my needs of feeling close and communication. I think why be in relationship if you gotta run away from every issue. I’m sick of waiting on him to be ready to talk. For fucks sake I’ve backed off and it still doesn’t make a difference I still feel invisible and unattractive to him

  • my family have stalked and harassed me.i think they involved a guy i dated 20 yrs ago!! ive had no contact with this guy all this time.i left him and never looked back soo long ago.yet he makes it look like theres something there..i think he’s delusional.really creepy totally unrealistic.cant get evidence for police.i wonder if i should report him to mental health..

  • One thing that I have seen is that some people doing some personal development conferences or whatever, is that they start thinking they are better than the rest. And that is the oposit of developing!!! I really hope you had mentioned this, Mel.
    I’ve seen people with some personal development training treating others like stupid just bc they like certain tv show instead of reading, just to mention an example…
    As Mel said, personal development is PERSONAL. What you learn go and apply it in your own life! Do not try to fix other people telling them how wrong they are!
    Ps: lesson learned bc i went through that
    (Please excuse my english)

  • So do the opposite of everything I’ve been doing?..by the way, every reaction I get back from how I’ve been handling this situation is exactly what Doc is saying. So I’ll take a different approach. Just note, it can be exhausting and draining being the only one trying to work at issues. One can only take so much.

  • All she talks about is the kids. And go to work and make $$ for the bills. I know that’s important but I feel like a tool that is expected to never break. One day I will and never look back

  • It’s so disappointing when the person you married has changed so much that they are no longer really alive but something has taken over their body. They are just a shell, it’s so sad to miss the old person and that is ok just a memory in time, a time in history that has now passed and they are no longer on earth. So disappointing they could come back only if they believed in good but they don’t and nothing can be done to snap them out of it, it’s over.

  • So I’ know I’ve made a few mistakes over this rough time basically I made the mistake to pursue and vent towards my spouse. she filed for divorce on Monday and in Texas they have a 60 day cool down period so I have 2 months to possibly pull it out of the fire. I love my wife unconditionally and I’ve always put her first and thats been the issue I built my schedule and everything around making it so I don’t hinder her school time. I’ve picked up so many shifts to grind out money to pay for her college and shes been twice. That is where the problems really started she wanted me to pursue my own schooling and stuff but with her schedule and my work schedule it would be difficult since we have 1 car. She talked to me a month ago and apparently this was eating her up for the past two years and she finally came to me about it. Of course I went into a depression spiral and had a few break downs and said stuff I shouldn’t to the point where she had enough and told me she would file on Monday. Now I’m taking the healthy approach and giving her space and trying to keep nice and positive. I’m really hoping she will let me back into her heart and cancel the divorce. Now I’ve made progressive changes in my sleep schedule, took entrance exams to get into the local college but its kinda late in the semester so I’ll have to wait. For now I’m just wondering what to do that might help this.

  • What topic do YOU think we should cover in our next series?
    Watch the full exclusive MedCircle series on borderline personality disorder HERE: https://bit.ly/2ZNDGi0

  • I most often notice my frustration boiling over into rage when I’m doing something that goes wrong or I encounter delay/difficulty. Like, dropping things, being clumsy, misplacing things, looking for things. I’ve noticed that I rage out sometimes when this happens. Especially if I’m trying to do something in a hurry. Or if I’m hungry. I think everyone finds this stuff annoying but the BPD kicks in when you feel like you can’t get past the moment without expelling the rage somehow. I often throw something. But I’m really trying to let the moment pass, even if I have to stop what I’m doing completely and just breathe for a few minutes until my blood pressure lowers. It’s bizarre. Your brain knows it needs to calm down but your body wants to smash something…all over something like not being to find your keys for 3 minutes. Lol…
    Like many say, it’s random. It could happen a hundred times and you feel fine but every once in a while the stars align and your patience is gone, stress high and bam. Temper tantrum.

  • BPD episodes are almost like a flare-up when your emotions have been dormant for some time. That’s why, for me, pursuing new relationships (particularly romantic ones) always makes me nervous. There’s so much risk involved.

  • A borderliner cannot break a strong mind, you just reset

    Good fellas, I had a new borderline experience.
    She is a great sweet woman with a lovely face and super boobs!

    And then suddely she got insecure because of a waitress I introduced to her at a bar.

    She exploded and she wanted to drop everything, ”take the rings back” take your keys back we are done!

    The strange thing is, I am good:-) I was love sick for say 4 days and the first day I even had flashbacks. I tought I was gonna die! Then again I like the fact that I was feeling that pain because it makes you feel alive! To build any new relation, to love any girl with humor and a relaxed mind. This current pain has to be processed and not suppressed so I have added a few liters of tears to the sea! Now the sea is a bit more salty! So fish will taste a bit more salty in supermarkets! So if your fish tase extra salty this week? It is because I cried in the sea!

    The strange thing is you feel relief! I now feel stronger, it is like she showed me how love can be. (I never really believed in love anyway.)
    But I don’t understand why I feel so focussed and happy now in like 4 days!

    I have send the boderline girl some flowers, why?
    Because I don’t feel anger towards her. It is sad that seeing a diffrent girl makes you so
    insecure that you will burn your own ship you worked so hard for. Don’t you understand that youare way better looking then the weitress? Why is your foundation build on quiksand?

  • i ave kinda all the 9 traits of bpd and after seeing the bpd vedio i think i had a anxiety attack i dont know what to do pls someone help.

  • I think I have. I have had 1 doctor said I had BPD and 1 say I was bipolar. I feel like I relate so much more to BPD. Also being diagnosed with PTSD. When I have a trigger. I cry, shake, and shut down. Then I come to the realization later that I very much over reacted.

  • Hello my preferred name is Jeffree and I am not open like this but feel identity is a huge issue with myself and one I am searching tomsolve of even possible with BPD and cptsd (complicated mess) I have been transitioning “ftm “‘for now 2 years and waiting for the surgical part, though, very worried that my transformation to date as a passing Male 110% is my very impressive full coverage body mask to keep from being assaulted, touched and even by seeing any reflection created such shame, disgrace and would sicken me as I would want to hide away from everyone,
    So I openly share this of myself, for reasons that other individuals can see that they belong, you belong and together and along side our therapists and possible groups we can stand tall…..# Can hope be a thing, be attainable????!!

    This diagnosis for myself and after much research into this personality disorder and the very fact that i’ve still to hear anyone speak of how anyone can tackle ‘successfully” individuals that not only dealing with this diagnosis but a shit load of childhood traumas before 5yrs of age, whereas after almost 5yrs of age and already gone through multiple emergency fosters, 1 a bit longer and where there was not the ability to always keep the 3 siblings together and then the eventual placing of what or how I’ve always seen myself as and nothing more than a litter of abused, unloved and very much unwanted pups to be purchased by another, “family” who got to view us siblings and “they, the new family with their “own 3 natural kids”
    Got to bring chips for us and well, I pretty much lost my only family to enter another with their own blood children and non of them, forget love, they didn’t like me and made sure I knew…..
    There is so much more that makes the C in CPTSD is the part that continues to make me daily fight against the darkness of fear of having what strength it’s taken all the years to stay in this world and now and after unfollowed through DBT and CBT and therapists that were only set in place temporarily and then Lefton my own again with lots of insight to this diagnosis and the fact it’s one of the hardest ones and not just. For the client, but as I’ve learned through here on one of the shows, the we the client can exhaust our therapist which is why they need support from mother resources etc….I am also the person who is not only terrified of being abandoned(which is probably why I isolate so much and Covidien has encouraged the self isolating “excuse”> that way, no one can hurt me in any manner,��)
    I don’t want to cause another, regardless if that other person is suppose to be there to help you and providing a safe space to talk, etc. If I know or hear that I, myself, is causing even a bit of fatigue/exhaustion because of the cargo I have carried sooooo long, I will tell that said therapist, “friend” etc…”no no, I will be good, it’s best that you……”
    I’ve become so good at avoiding such harsh realities of rejection and abandonment and all throughout my childhood, that journey was only how to survive, the only difference from being separated from my siblings at 5 and adopted into this new big house with toys too, was that I lost my only connection to this life, my brother who was onlyma year older than me and tried to feed myself and our sister who was one year younger than myself.
    Having only moved into a middle class family with connections to many people, so appearance was always important, (to the adopted parents) and that is only a tid bit of what life had been carving away or out of me.
    My life story is one that has baffled therapists, church elders, pastors, relationships, my daughter and to say the least……………………….
    It’s me that is exhausted, I’m exhwusted of being within this “body mask”……….
    I’ve been sooooo quiet, carefully quiet,…….I learned multiple reasons why crying only links to other pain and more pain and sadness was what I to date carry, like I’ve been carrying this 3 year old child within me, with a wealth of learned behaviour to protect this kid fromm anymore pain, but I’m becoming so exhausted carrying it all and then working on CBT skills and I have the willingness as I’ve told my doctor and new therapist but I’ve seen little to very unclearly run DBT & CBT programs over the past 2 years, I feel I’ve been this experiment project and still do.,

    Again, what I am not seeing nor hearing from clinicians, therapist,all mental health sectors….”You need to stop talking and start acting out your words, preaching to all of society (and all should take heed in this new action towards what we all look for and for some it will take unconditional guidance unconditional caring with the possibilities of unconditionally loving those harder to get through, due to years of complex traumas.

    I’m writing this very late at night and appologize if it’s a bit scrambled, but much likema dog when they hear the word “squirrel” that’s me with how fast my thoughts flip from one to another…..

    I have wanted to be a mental health advocate for the fight to better our mental health system overall and to stand up for the right to affordable and/or government funded programs soley for such diagnosis as BPD and what that looks like……

    basically I wish the world, especially during these times listen, just listen towould listen to acoupke sobs one is an oldie but John lennons, Imagin”,
    Cindy laupers “true colours” and Linkin Park’s “one more light”

    sincerely exhausted
    Jeffree D

  • Wow this was great! First video of yours I watched. I was watching a video about journaling on “Love Meg”’s channel, and she mentioned you, so I thought I’d check out your channel! I love how calm and authentic you are, while also giving super helpful advice! This is a huge situation for me right now in my relationship.

  • My “episodes” tend to be based around pure rage to the point I end up shaking, get a headache, feel sick, feel/hear my pulse pounding in my head, or suicidal depression sometimes they blur into each other. I often describe the feeling as being so frustrated and angry that I want to rip off my skin, I literally feel like I’m trapped within my own body and it’s hard to breathe. I can’t drop an issue, if I back away from an argument or similar the anger just builds and makes me feel worse. I lash out verbally when provoked, it has gotten me in trouble at work in the past. Afterwards I I generally always feel exhausted, worthless, helpless.

  • My husband has been diagnosed BPD with narcissistic tendencies. It has been a rough 18 years, sometimes I think I can’t be in this relationship any longer. Exhausting.

  • If you experience what you believe to be a “BPD EPISODE” that involves PHYSICAL VIOLENCE including: throwing things, banging objects, hitting, slapping a person or animalGO NOW AND LEAVE. Do not believe “it will never happen again” that is a lie. Stop the abuse. THE ABUSED BECOME ABUSERS especially in the case of them re-enacting the abuse they have viewed or was placed on them. Call the police if you are the victim of abuse, don’t try to be the hero. Terminate BPD friendships immediately if they become violent!

  • I’ve been diagnosed with BPD but I think I might just be an adult woman with autism. Can you do a video of the differences between BPD and autism in adult women??

  • I fit into all 9 traits… and occasionally I experience panic episodes over something as small as I can’t find something or a disagreement that is so little…. etcetera. I’m currently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder because of my mood swings and impulsivity as well as being high in anger. I believe I’ve been misdiagnosed. It’s always a cycle of fear of abandonment for me on top of trauma…

  • I feel after an outburst, I feel worthless and less than like a human being.i was diagnosed with BPD when I was 29 years old. But have recognized the first diagnosis as what is now psychizoeffective disorder. I knew it wasn’t right but felt as though if I argued the fact I wouldn’t be heard. So my rage has gone to a point of me blacking out. And no memory of what I do or say during the blackout.

  • i’m a pretty well-regulated BPD after years of therapy and medication, so my episodes don’t really look like outbursts anymore. they tend to look like splitting, isolating, and turning inward. also dissociation, low energy and mood.

  • I have BPD ���� and i definitely can relate to those moments of disproportionate reactions. By the time you realize the degree you reacted sometimes the damage is already be done. ��

  • I have Been diagnosed with Borderline and I’ve been to Jail and in and out of Hospitals and Residential Services. I have Severe traits and like the The Rage and The Mood swings. I swing every single day multiple times.

  • Just went through a relationship that got really serious super fast and then ended abruptly. Its not going well for my self image and my moods and thoughts are all over the place and unpredictable I was diagnosed Feb 2019 it sucks

  • I have just recently found out at almost 30 that I have BPD and everything makes sense now. For me, BPD is not being able to cope with normally daily stresses at all and can result in me having huge emotional reactions to normal things. It’s like in those moments I can’t see any logic and just feel so overwhelmed by how I am feeling. Afterwards I can look back and see everything clearly and feel so ashamed and embarrassed about how I react. I also really struggle with relationships and always feel like no one wants me or will have enough of me and leave. It’s exhausting and leaves you feeling like you don’t really have anything and you never know what to do, how to be, or which direction to go in. I have nothing but respect for people who live with BPD because I honestly wouldn’t wish this on anyone, it is a hard way to live.

  • honestly human life is such a mess, the more i discover about the human condition the more i come to the conclusion that we don’t have control about anything. Certain behaviours just take control over you and drive you on autopilot and all you can do is watch and suffer silently. Most of it is rooted in childhood or you are born with a different brain and maybe become sociopathic or psychopathic. What the heck are we? Can’t really find “free will” here at all. Does god create us this way for his entertainment to spice things up? i dont think so… im just tired of this life….

  • its hard when i get ticked off by little things and i cant control it, because people will usually say its me being ungrateful. i feel guilty after blowing up and feel like i dont deserve to be forgiven after

  • I have BPD and sometimes I remember traumático situations that happened ir could happen to me AND I feel panic/anger in so high levels that I hey scared, the last Time that happened I stabbed my arm with a knife, I am on medication but It still happens, and with this pandemia hapening the goverment in my country Is not capable o giving me the prescription I need:/

  • I have just been diagnosed today with bpd, just am wanting some advice for the best treatment as I have heard there is no medication that can treat bpd and how does everyone deal with there emotions?? Thanks

  • More or less. I’ve been to a doctor & diagnosed with anxiety & depression but never knew about BPD until a couple weeks ago & I’m 28 years old. I finally fell like I know what’s wrong with me & I always say a doctor won’t help me but I’m going to see if I get properly diagnosed.

    I see a lot of people with mild symptoms or they know how to handle their anger.but for me, I can be calm then the smallest thing will piss me off & I’ll freak out so quickly & be angry for hours or days.

    I use to always tell people I’d kill myself, after they left me or everywhere I go, I feel like I have to spend money. I always think people are out to get me. Most of this happened at work too & I’m shy, like I don’t talk much, so when I get angry, people don’t expect it. I’ve been through multiple jobs over the years. I go through girl to girl. I, also, tell myself all the time that I feel like I’m living in my own reality.

    I’m fucked up, more or less, but another feeling is not wanting to die but not wanting to be alive.

  • We are going through marriage counseling and we only had one session and she been cold and distant and everyone tells me to just be patient

  • I can understand he might need space but what I dont understand is why if things go wrong with him at work or something he goes on silent mode when it comes to me an that’s really frustrating to deal with

  • I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but a lot of us are burnt out. We are humans with flaws too and you can’t put all of these expectations on us:/ Speaking from the other sides perspective I feel like all this can be summed up into one note. “You need to be Superman/woman Therapist every time I have anxiety so that I can be mr/miss helpless. And if you are not, you’re not a good partner.” This “victim” of anxiety mindset makes people who suffer from it the most double standard and hardest people to deal with. They expect everyone else to be okay with their anxiety and expect everyone to act like so perfect towards them when they have anxiety, but they don’t hold themselves to nearly the same standards of behavior. Does anyone ever think that it’s extremely hard being the other person and that we get burnt out and anxiety ourselves from feeling like doormats all the time, walking on eggshells constantly and feeling like we have to be your perfect therapist at any given moment? I’m tired of feeling like I have to be Superman all the time and be okey dokey with everything all the time, but if I ask even a small portion of the same from my partner I’m the bad guy who “doesn’t understand anything”. Does anybody have any other advise other than “be the perfect partner”? Because I’m stuck, relationships are a two way street like it or not, and IT’S EXTREMELY HARD being the other person all the time:( Some more advice would be much appreciated:)

  • This is heart breaking. It’s cyclical behavior. I never wanted to be mentally ill.

    My Mother has BPD, Father has Schizophrenia, and Bipolar.

    I don’t really fret on people leaving me, I just think they will sooner or later due to my erratic behavior.

    I have been working on my issues, but occasionally a trigger goes off, and I go ballistic.

    I feel trapped in my head. I have lost family because of this.

  • i’m in a really difficult situation, because despite my extensive research on the illness and my almost indefinence of having it, i’m too young to be professionally diagnosed. this makes it really difficult for me because although i try so hard to explain why my behavior is so dramatic and unnecessary to my loved ones, due to my understanding of the illness and how much i resonate with it, they still don’t understand, or they invalidate me because they don’t want me to self-diagnose if it isn’t what’s happening with my brain.
    my relationship is beginning to fall and it’s terrifying because i’m absolutely terrified of him leaving or our relationship working out, and i can’t control my behaviors or the way i perceive things, yet i’m expected and told to, essentially, get over it. to not allow my emotions to overtake me. it’s just a very difficult situation because i’m trapped and often feel weak, hopeless, and overwhelmed. to the point where the way i’m feeling and the intensity of which i’m feeling it is unfathomable. i think about suicide often (especially during ‘episode’-related arguments), i’ve attempted several times in the past, as well as have self-harmed (my most popular method being cutting). i’m mostly triggered within my relationships with my family members and my boyfriend. in these moments, i feel the rage or hurt build up in my chest until i can’t handle or control it anymore, but i understand my behavior is unnecessary and hurtful in these moments, so i try my best to filter my thoughts and what i outwardly express but it’s not very successful 97% of the time.
    more of my recent episodes have happened typically when i feel hurt by the inconsideracy my boyfriend has towards my mental illness and the way i deal with situations (although holding such high expectations isn’t fair on him because he isn’t well-equipped for this mental illness at all) so i’ll completely shut him out, pulling away from him or directing my body away from his. i have a hard time making eye contact with him during these moments, and he ALWAYS makes it a point to express how much my silence in these moments bothers him. i think he just has a hard time understanding that the way i perceive the world and situations and his intentions towards me aren’t voluntary and i can’t help it regardless of how self-aware and hateful i am towards myself.

    but yes, basically i’m just very confused and i try every single day to understand why my brain processes things the way it does and why my moods and behaviors can be so drastic and unfathomable.

  • Just went through one of my “episodes.” I literally like just met this person at work and I texted them for a few days. DAYS, and I thought we were getting so close and now all of a sudden that person said they want to go back to just seeing each other around work and I lost it. Every time I tell myself I don’t have BPD something like this happens and it just makes me feel so alone. Because I have told my fiancé multiple times that I think I have BPD and he just brushes it off like “yeah okay” and idk I just
    feel so alone because of this. My mom was diagnosed with BPD and has told me multiple times she thinks I have it. I just don’t know what to do… I feel so alone all the time and I would talk to my mom about it but she just flips out over the smallest thing I say.

  • I have been diagnosed with BPD a few days ago. I have a really hard time these days… my friend told me that she thought there is probably about 50 percent of people in the world matching the description of the disorder… how do they cope? How? I fear every day. I lose and fail every day. Others and myself. People vanish and betray. How? Why? I just want to sleep in a blue room and dream about closeness, sense of belonging and a purpose for someone.

  • I bet you $25 it was the landmark forum that Chris attended;) Changed my life profoundly. Great talk Mel. As some else mentioned, its hard when your family of origin doesn’t do the work and stay mired in substance, work, or TV addictions, or enmeshed relationships and codependency… it’s hard to watch this behavior.

  • I believe my mother has this. She took me out of school and homeschooled me from ages 12 to 16 because she thought the whole school system was against me and she also thought I was replaced with a robot. I could go on and on about her suspicions but to this day she’s never gotten help for it.

  • I have been diagnosed with BPD a few days ago. I have a really hard time these days… my friend told me that she thought there is probably about 50 percent of people in the world matching the description of the disorder… how do they cope? How? I fear every day. I lose and fail every day. Others and myself. People vanish and betray. How? Why? I just want to sleep in a blue room and dream about closeness, sense of belonging and a purpose for someone.

  • i’m late but i was recently diagnosed with BPD. for a long time i was dealing with these “episodes” and no one, not even myself understood it. for me personally it’s like i feel almost panicky? but rather than having a panic attack i have an anger outburst, it gets so bad i scream like i am being physically harmed, i break anything in my way, i also hit myself and others. it can last between 20-30 mins to 2-3 hours depending on what triggered it. and then afterwards i feel so ashamed and tired, sometimes i also feel sort of relieved? and happy in a way?? it’s extremely exhausting, and scares people away from me, i try explaining i can not control it and they just tell me i am scary and over dramatic.

  • I’m BPD and I struggle every single day to try to regulate my emotions. I manipulate to get what I want, not to hurt others but to make them stay.. I can be aggressive, then 2 minutes later I can be sad. The agression is believed to have come from my abusive relationship. I was beaten at 16 by a man for 2 years right after being diagnosed, there was not only the physical abuse but obviously a lot of mental abuse as he was schizophrenic/in and out of jail, it definitely made things 10x harder for me in my daily life now. I try my hardest to remember mu coping skills, but in the moment, which is a lot of times a day, it’s hard to think of anything at all other than the intense emotion clouding my brain.

  • What is the best approach to influence someone with BPD to obtain professional help?What is the treatment path? Is it a combination of appropriate medication and therapy?

  • I have BPD, and I think what people refer to as “episodes” are times when attempts to cope with the intense emotions fail. From my experience, the symptoms are more or less consistent. I have good days and bad days, as anyone does. However, on my bad days, it is more difficult to cope with what I am feeling. This may lead to an overreaction, which can be informally referred to as an “episode.” Most of the time I struggle internally. On the outside I act “normally” to most situations, and I doubt anyone would be aware of my diagnosis. A lot of times I watch others’ reactions to situations, and then watch how people view said reaction. If it is considered normal, I keep it in mind for when I may be in a similar scenario. I try to not allow my reactions exceed what is considered normal. On the inside I feel things much stronger. It’s taken years to control my reactions to emotions. I feel like the international turmoil has changed very little, but how I react has changed a lot.

  • My husband has BPD, yesterday he had an episode over having only half a stick of butter instead of full stick. I do not understand how someone can loose their cool over such a trivial matter. I yelled back at him to go to the store himself or throw the dish in the sink.( not the response he wants). Other day a dog was alone in a running car with AC on he lost it as to how someone could do to their dog. I was like not ur pet not ur business. He screamed and yelled I told him told him to shut up or get out of the car. ( again not the response he needed). He had a huge emotional reaction to a situation at work. He doesn’t feel he is too good for the job like a narcissistic person but instead he feels he is too bad for the job n ppl trust him. I said enjoy your free ride. ( again not the response he needed). I need to know how to handle these episodes better.

  • I have one of these “moments” at least 2 times a day.. I don’t even know how I still have people around me… I literally feel as though I can’t control myself. My bf has said he can’t put up with it for much longer (and he is literally my whole life to me) but I can’t seem to stop doing this and pushing him away..

  • Hello friends, am here to say an awesome and amazing testimony about a Great spell caster that helped me. My name is Vivian Anderson from the Canada. Getting my Lover back is what i least expected and could never imagine. I and my Lover have been married for five years and we have been living happily but all of a sudden he changed completely and turned away from me and i never knew what was going on, i tried to ask him but he refused to tell me what the problem is, and as time went on he sought for a divorce. I was so worried and confused, and i did all my possible best to get him back but it wasn’t easy, i thought all hope was lost, and during my search for a way out, a friend of mine who had similar problem told me about a great spell caster called Dr ogugu who helped her get back her Friend also. I never believe in spell casting in my entire life or a magic because i never thought it will work but i tried to give this man a chance and to my greatest surprise, He cast a spell to bring back my Lover, but today we are back together into a lovely home with two beautiful kids.Thank you Dr 0gugu We are happy together again and i am using this opportunity to tell anyone passing similar situation Or if you need Cure. contact him on WhatsApp +2347011196745 E-mail:: [email protected] gmail.com

  • I think I have BPD. One example is my Mom was sick on Thanksgiving. It is usually only the four of us for dinner. My brain went on the defensive, is she really sick, is she mad at me, what did I do? I think I fretted for a day over this. I know both her and I get miserable sinus infections, but things just end up not making sense.
    Another example: I was at work, a coworker was training a new girl and showing her the building. I was just going to go on break and she told me I needed 3 paper towels and 2 soaps in the gym area. They also took the trash and needed bags. I went into a mental rage and stomped away to get the stuff. Then I whined to my boss about it. I think the pure rage of it lasted in me for two hours. I had the shakes, got a little confused then got real tired and felt ashamed about how I acted and almost didnt want to go back. This is a bad cycle for me.

  • Thank you so much for sharing this information, I found it really helpful. At one point I was thinking that what is being discussed completely describes me in a way. It is definitely a good perspective. Thank you.

  • My daughters stepmom is borderline, narcissistic or something. I can’t diagnose but she rages quite often, is emotionally abusive to her and hads done a lot of damage to her. Dad does niot defend his daughter or protect her from this. I’m at a loss as to what to do

  • I have recently been diagnosed with BPD and I completely agree with Dr.Ramani that there is no specific episode of BPD.
    THANK YOU FOR YOUR WONDERFUL INTERVIEWS.ITS BEEN REALLY HELPFUL ON MY PART.

  • I was diagnosed with depression and apathy as a teen. I’m in my thirties now and am having so much trouble trying to figure out who I am and why I do the things I do. BPD makes a lot of sense to me and this particular video has given me a huge gift of understanding. Earlier this year I was met with a situation that (really wasn’t that big of a deal but) it threw me for a loop, I had no idea how to act or deal with it and I was lost. My behavior and stress levels were all over the place and everyday I would feel wrapped in shame and I couldn’t figure out why. Now I can.

  • Sometimes it gets to a point when you’re doing all the giving and they’re doing all the taking. It would take a lot for someone to do all of these things when they can’t do it for you.

  • For me, its physically painful. I just cant stop crying. I can’t. Doesnt matter how much I try. It’s exhausting. My head hurts, some parts of my body become numb. I get depressed. It happens mainly when I feel humiliated.

  • My husband always getsad at me even though i know i dont do anything that makes him angdy,he alsp dont want to sleep woth me. When im asking what is the probem he never told me..What if your husband really dont want to talk to me. He’s so cold to me..

  • I actually have bpd and so does my roomie. And we are very different. Haha but thats why we get along because where I lack she is strong and vice versa.

  • I had a girl I loved and would overthink when I get no response from messages. I would always tell her things like “are you cheating on me?” “are you done with me?” or “do you want me to leave you alone?”. Even if she says no I’ll still think it’s not good enough and push her away to see if it will make her feel bad and come closer to me. I hate the manipulation and I see what I’m doing but I can’t stop it. It sucks because I don’t want to move on but I pushed her so far that she’s done with me and regret everything I have done because I am nothing without her.

    Does this correlate to most people who are in love and have BPD?

  • I just got released from the hospital, I had a standoff with the police wanting them to shoot me. Cut myself and was tazed, no help at all

  • People who are borderline are and can be amazing people. We struggle sometimes but we always bounce back. I work everyday on getting better and keeping myself from hitting rock bottom again.

  • So what should I do if I’ve tried all of this and she still doesn’t want to talk to me? She doesn’t open up, she doesn’t have anything nice to say to me, she doesn’t show affection, she’s cold if not regularly yelling at me for something. I don’t know what else to do. I give space, I try taking things out, I take her to nice places, nothing works…

  • I most often notice my frustration boiling over into rage when I’m doing something that goes wrong or I encounter delay/difficulty. Like, dropping things, being clumsy, misplacing things, looking for things. I’ve noticed that I rage out sometimes when this happens. Especially if I’m trying to do something in a hurry. Or if I’m hungry. I think everyone finds this stuff annoying but the BPD kicks in when you feel like you can’t get past the moment without expelling the rage somehow. I often throw something. But I’m really trying to let the moment pass, even if I have to stop what I’m doing completely and just breathe for a few minutes until my blood pressure lowers. It’s bizarre. Your brain knows it needs to calm down but your body wants to smash something…all over something like not being to find your keys for 3 minutes. Lol…
    Like many say, it’s random. It could happen a hundred times and you feel fine but every once in a while the stars align and your patience is gone, stress high and bam. Temper tantrum.

  • I feel after an outburst, I feel worthless and less than like a human being.i was diagnosed with BPD when I was 29 years old. But have recognized the first diagnosis as what is now psychizoeffective disorder. I knew it wasn’t right but felt as though if I argued the fact I wouldn’t be heard. So my rage has gone to a point of me blacking out. And no memory of what I do or say during the blackout.

  • If you know someone bpd who is close to you, might they try to discredit someone else who is close and act mean towards them and use petty ugly names to talk about them and put me in the middle.I know what is being said is not true, but they are asking me to make a choice between one or the other the person being offended is a minor child 17

  • I’ve had diagnosed bpd since I was 14 and I’m going on 30. I started taking 5htp at night and my symptoms went away completely. I mean I felt normal and calm and balanced. This last month I stopped taking it and yesterday I had a full blown episode. Now I know that the 5htp was helping me. I found articles linking bpd to a serotonin issue. It’s important though not to take it if you are on antidepressants. It would be great if more people with bpd tried it out to see if they feel better too.

  • this is the very first video im able to see without subtitles! im so HAPPY it took me a few days of morning routine studying english and here i am!

  • I’ve experienced all the symptoms… I’ve watched all your videos on BPD and I think it’s a strong possibility that I have it. I’ve been diagnosed with chronic MDD, GAD, and I wonder why this has never been considered. I had to quit going to my therapist because I couldn’t afford it (no health insurance, pay out of pocket and have had terrible experiences with “low income” mental health facilities.) So for awhile I went to an actual therapist which helped a lot… until I couldn’t afford it anymore

  • These comments help comfort me so much…when I have a reaction, generally I’m just having an off day and get hair triggered by things and end up expressing very defensive, annoyed mannerisms (eye rolling, short remarks, door slamming in extreme cases) and get the “you have a bad attitude, you’re being rude”. People then want to know why…and they ask usually in a way that provokes full blown argument…not because I want to I honestly hate conflict just because I genuinely don’t know how or feel in control of my reactions. This usually ends up scaring or hurting the other persons feelings. Which triggers the guilt and panic that I just hurt another human being. Then I feel so bad that I don’t want to exist and I’m sure no one else wants me to either which makes me severely depressed. It’s a horrible ongoing cycle that involves full blown anxiety attacks (hyperventilating, shaking, uncontrollable crying). It doesn’t happen every day or even every week. I feel emotional turmoil constantly and can generally deal with it, but there are some days or weeks it’s just utterly overwhelming.

  • I have been in touch with a psychologist non stop over the past month and she believes I have BPD. I really do as well, I have watched all of your BPD informal videos and they ring so true to me. I really think that the term ‘borderline’ suits the disorder perfectly as I feel my personality is on a constant borderline between up and down, happy and sad, frantic and relaxed… etc. I do believe that the term might’ve even been thought of by someone who suffered BPD themselves and wasn’t sure what else to call it. I know the name is controversial but in my opinion I think it should stay. Great videos by the way!

  • Aw done pretty much all you said and don’t work. okay he promises to
    Change and yet here I’m waiting for him to change. Makes no time for me due to over working and goes a lot spending time with his friends instead of coming home to me. Frustrating.!

  • I can’t afford continued therapy but had a major episode after years of handling BPD within a ‘normal’ life…I was diagnosed with BDP. Mental health is an oxymoron when you are poor.

  • I think I have. I have had 1 doctor said I had BPD and 1 say I was bipolar. I feel like I relate so much more to BPD. Also being diagnosed with PTSD. When I have a trigger. I cry, shake, and shut down. Then I come to the realization later that I very much over reacted.

  • My experience with this (or i at least think so), is with my ex girlfriend. One month before everything blew up, she woke up from a nightmare and said that she dreamt that all of a sudden i just moved out and left her. My response was of course (since everything was going great) that “well of course that is not going to happen.) And soon after that i noticed she was acting strange and evading.And i asked if we could talk, and i said “it feels like things aren’t going that great?) and then she said maybe i should move out. Ehhh…ok? so, panicked i started looking for an apartment, managed to find one, and started to get my stuff out. And THEN she asked me about the rent (which i already paid in advance, which i have proof of) since i moved in i always paid in advance.And she had never spoken about an extra rent if i moved out, so i just tried calmly and methodically to explain to her that,” listen, i don’t think that is fair, because i have already paid it, and now i have to pay for the move, and the new rent at the new apartment, so, no.” And for some reason, she herself had just ordered a new sofa and tv. burning her money. And i was like-really??….this could not wait?? And then she just totally blew off the lid, and went bananas, and finally broke up with me. Extreme anger, accusing me of the things that she was actually doing herself.So.…?

  • BPD episodes are almost like a flare-up when your emotions have been dormant for some time. That’s why, for me, pursuing new relationships (particularly romantic ones) always makes me nervous. There’s so much risk involved.

  • As a person living with BPD she’s totally right in saying that these episodes are just an extreme version of what we feel constantly

  • I was diagnosed with BPD, bi polar disorder, depression, severe anxiety, and PTSD so these videos help me so much learning about what I’m going through and knowing that I’m not alone in any of it. I’m able to understand more about myself and it’s helping me see where I can do better in terms of keeping in control sort of speak.

  • Before my marriage I had 10 years clean from heroin. Now its 12 going on 13 years. My wife never had a Substance abuse issue so when she wanted me to stay up later I started taking adderall next thing I knew just to spend an hour with my wife I was taking adderall the stay up then xanax just so I could sleep. Finally I said to her honey I can’t do this I am poisoning myself to spend one hour with you I need you to back me up in not make me feel guilty about sex so I can go through this herenden’s with drawl and get over this I want to be healthy I am going to crash and burn if I don’t do this. I xant live like this. She said don’t worry I have your back I said yeah I may have to lock myself in a Rome and just go through it but when I come out of that Room I will be a new person I’ll be healthy I’ll be able to give you attention please just back me up. After that we went through a series of this misery loop where I would feel shifty eye and she would equate that to my lack of love for her like O you just don’t care anymore. I was thinking goddam one day after complaining for ever. What I found myself in was the most destructive loop of bullship that anybody could ever deal with she wouldn’t let me go to days clean before gilding the h*** out of me then finally I just said phuket this is toxic you don’t care if I die from this shit. Finaly I gave up I lost Passion for the relationship when I worshiped this woman more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life. It took me a long time to come to the realization that it wasn’t me can it’s just not normal to question someone’s love and they’re telling you they’re sick and they have a physical problem yet you just turn that 12 hours later into you just don’t care about me anymore. So the relationship became complete ship I resented her for not helping me get and stay clean., she’d just say I didn’t care. Now she’s moving out on the first and I feel like the women who i loved so much turned her back only thinking about her own selfish ass needs at my lowest point. Ugh. The pain ill carry sucks so bad. But at least I’ll be alive to carry that pain…….fml

  • This was helpful, thank you. I was falling into the “poor me” trap. Fantastic husband 99% of the time but I have been trying to get my youtube channel off the ground and NOBODY, family or friends, say anything to me, encourage me, etc. I know this is because I’m a people pleaser but I’m 56 and have learned a lot. But it would certainly be nice to hear, You go, girl, from my husband or loved ones. (I’m trying not to make this a pity party, cuz i know i have to focus on my purpose for the channel and it’s for the audience, and that’s what moves me forward, but I am finding i am procrastinating and struggling with the channel. Le sigh, haha):) Thanks, Mel

  • Thanks for this advice. I have spent the last few weeks angry, all the time. My boyfriend works a full time job and has a daughter with his ex. In his spare time he games alot. I am working on myself doing a uni course, working part time and I am a musician in a band. When I have some good news like passing my essays he ignores it. He never says congrats or proud of you. And I have felt angry over the fact that I have had others congratulate me, but not my boyfriend. Prior to lockdown, he has never seen me play my instrument or seen my band live. He makes excuses. With this anger I have struggled focusing on my personal interests. But I need to realise I don’t need his validation, and I should carry on as normal. I think the thing that has angered me most is how supportive I have been with him. I have joined in with his gaming interest and got a console of my own to join some games with him. But he has made no effort for me.

  • Mel I am dying. Inside and out. I am kicking benzos, I stopped adderall a year ago and heroin 12 years ago this past may. My wife just doesn’t get it. Im so sick and suffering and I WANT to be sober. I started these drugs because she wanted me there when she wanred me there so I took adderall. For a while it worked. Then I found myself taking adderall to stay awake to spend time with her. Then I was taking a xanax to go to sleep. She’d have her hour and a half when she wanted it. But then I’d be left there poisoned. Im so messed up in my head. All I want to do is get sober im almost there. She keeps making commenrs like, you don’t care about me. You avoid me. You don’t take me out. Your never in bed. If its books she’s like oh your priority is reading. You blow me off. I love this women but how can she say I dont care when she sees me suffering. I cant withdraw from drugs and be the old me. She keeps at me. I was in the bathroom puking the other night and she started a huge fight with me saying I blew her off that I must be cheating because I can’t have sex when I’m in withdrawal. I’m tortured. I told her an year ago that I neeeeed to be clean. 12 years off a needle and im killing myself wirh pills now. How can my wife turn me being scared of a seizure into me blowing her off not wanting to spend time. I literally poisoned myself to spend an hour a night with her. I am losing my mind and she is fighting with me every interaction. I just pulled off a cannabis license wirh my best friend growing up. Beantown greentown boston mass. I feel like she wants me to lose the business. I’ve never been so solid for anyone in my life yet thats not what i get back. I’m ashamed I fell into the pill trap but the addict in me said oh well my wofe gave me the go ahead and now I’m running full force. So now that I’m deathly ill from tnem my body isn’t the same my mind is crazed. I dont have much left in me anymore because no matter what I do she turns it into me blowing her off and eveyrhing else is my priority. I’ve never wanted to go to bed nd never wake up. But thats what I’m pretty mhfh wishing for. Well talk shell say ok im here for you then 24 hours later. Why don’t you love me. Your supposed to love me like you used to. You don’t do anything or even try. Wtf how am I supposed to survive this. Im not so sure I can.

  • Hello please help my husband don’t support career change to med due to time and cost while i understand his point of view I feel he is making me choose between and I don’t know what to do. He wants me to choose between him and my career change.

  • Thank you Mel. You’ve helped me incredibly. Please keep doing what you are doing. You may not realise it but its saving lives, one of which is me.

  • You have to be your own cheerleader.
    For example,
    He doesn’t support your dreams>dump him
    He doesn’t support your career>dump him
    He doesn’t support your weekly visits with mom> dump him
    He doesn’t support your hobbies> dump him

    You’re not gonna find someone who supports you in everything. But you also don’t want a pushover.

    He doesn’t come up with ideas and just does everything I say >dump him

  • I’m feeling down atm after being degraded by my fiancè telling me what I’m doing is shit while the only thing he does is play computer game all day.

  • Such a great video Mel Robbins thank you ❤����

    I believe there needs to be give an take in a relationship, which is tough but can work if using the right strategies.

    I actually just uploaded a video this morning on the 80/20 rule My husband and I use this daily and it is really helpful.

  • This happened to me. After 13 years of marriage I became a different person in a short amount of time. I almost left everything and had a bit of a midlife crisis. One night I had made up my mind to leave and prayed for confirmation that it was the right decision. That night my husband woke me up to let me know that I forgot tooth fairy duty and he already took care of it. It sounds so simple, but I began to cry. He hadn’t done this the 13 years we have been married. I stayed and I have watched my husband begin to do things I never ever thougt were possible for him. What I realized was that I was not being open about my journey. I was keeping it to myself. Once I opened up completely and laid it all out there my world began to change. Give the ones you love the benefit of the doubt and also, give them you, all of you. We are so much more connected and attracted to each other as we now watch each other blossom in different ways.

  • I appreciate this advice. You can’t pressure a person like this into loving you. It turns them off more. A codependent mind will have you feeling exhausted and depressed. I have to take time for myself and disengage with my spouse. Keep your sanity and just let things happen the way they are going to happen.

  • Thanks. My girlfriend always gets snarky when I’m working on myself and my craft. I have felt bad for the entire year to date. I’m going to have a talk with her today.

  • when i share with her she ignores me then tells me im ranting and don’t let her talk and will bring up something unrelated to blame me for. But the last thing she will do is share my excitement or compliment anything i try my hardest to achieve.

    And if i share anything that “scares” me or any problems to overcome she will say i’m bitching.

  • Im having a really bad episode rn. I’m feeling paranoid and I’m reacting and spiraling and making the situation much worse I feel guilty but I can’t stop

  • So true. I’ve known several women with bum ass boyfriends with zero ambition. Once they reached a new level of personal development, they dumped the lazy boyfriends and found much better men. It’s almost like at a certain point it becomes natural selection.

  • Great adviceI told my boyfriend it was not ok that he never followed through on anythingI gave him examples, I told him he had made me cry. I asked him if he could feel anything. Calling him out on his lack of respect and inability to follow through sticks. Thanks for the advice. There is no point in continuing as this stands. He thinks I am getting together with him again. That is what he thinks.

  • Thank you for this Brad. I really needed this advice at the moment. I’m finding the situation really difficult but your advice resonates with me and allows me to detach from my ego and what I want, and to fall back on that unconditional love so that things can improve in their own natural time. Thanks again.

  • My now ex-girlfriend left me 1 month ago because she started her personal growth, she started a new chapter of her life while I was struggling with my problems and I started to be boring, anxious and somewhat controlling of our time together even if not in an aggressive way. I felt like I was walking on egg shells when I was with her because she became so busy with things she wanted to do and I didn’t want to interfere, but by doing that I was burying myself deeper into self loathe, depression and negativity because that behavior fueled my anxiety. I was so scared to lose her because I knew I was going to do something that was gonna screw it all up and I couldn’t think about anything else in my life. She suggested me to change my job (which was my number one cause of stress and sadness) and go to therapy. It took me a few months, but I did quit my old job and found a new one, I went to see a therapist but he wasn’t good for me and the new job created a financial insecurity that I wasn’t sure I had the money for therapy so I quit it. Even if I was trying my best to grow, improve and get out of my miserable state she ended up leaving me syaing that her feelings for me had changed, that she cares deeply about me, but she doesn’t love me anymore and she needs to think about herself only right now, she says it’s not about what I did or the state I was in, it’s about her personal growth and she needs to do it without the “obligations” of a relationship. I’m now on a path to change and grow myself, I want to acquire the confidence skill and take my anxiety and my fears under control and I’d like to make her fall in love with me again one day, but even if I know I can’t do it right now and I understand her decision, I find it so hard to accept it and my mind always tries to find ways to get back with her, it clings to the hope that someday we will be together again… it is so hard to deal with this because I still love her so freaking much… how can I cope with all this?

  • Wow. I have needed to hear this. So much to comment but wont do it publicly. I have been working on me for decades, but the past 10 years I have woken up and the past few years I have really got control over my reactions and emotions. However, I can not change my hubbies patterns that are driving me away. On to your next video. Thank you again I am grateful and more confident!!

  • My husband is antisocial, he doesn’t have any friends, I can’t talk to him unless he initiates the conversation. I respected his differences at first but after 25 years, he calls me names, he calls me a f-head, tells me to shut the eff up and shows no affection anymore. If there’s a conversation that he’s initiated, he’ll talk over anything I have to say. It’s like living alone. I suggested doing things he likes to do, but he doesn’t like to do anything anymore. I’m constantly tiptoeing around him, wondering if I’m allowed to talk to him. I make sure the house is clean, his dinner is ready, his clothes are washed. I feel like I’m living alone the last 10 years. I didn’t hear anything to help. I’m tired of being kind, considerate of his feelings. I just can’t bear living this way anymore.

  • Love this! It helped me realize a lot especially since I just recently had a fall out with my significant other. He told me my dreams or goals isn’t reality (pretty much my goals and dreams ain’t shit) and it honestly hurt me to the core cause I’ve had these dreams and goals since I was a little girl. And at first he seemed on board but deep down I knew he wasn’t but I loved his “at the time” support until today! Sad part is I apologized to him about what he said about my goals and dreams. Yet he never said sorry or anything. So now even after I took blame we are sitting in the room and not a word has been uttered at all. So now it’s like what do I do? I sacrifice a lot of what I say, how I feel, and I’m super supportive of all his dreams and goals no matter what. I just wish the same in return.

  • I personally wouldn’t date someone who isn’t into personal development. Wouldn’t wanna date someone who is lazy, watches tv all day or doesn’t care about moving forward or absent of drive.

  • I wish I have seen this when I was in a toxic relationship w/ someone. But I am so glad to come across your YT channel Mel and thank you so much for inspiring & making us feel empowered. Please continue doing what you are doing.

  • Having an emotional episode is like being suddenly overwhelmed by so much emotion that it’s literally physically painful. It’s like you can’t control the emotional pain any more than you could control the pain of a burn. It just hurts and triggers all the pain receptors all at once. You’d do anything to stop it but the fact that you can’t make it stop makes it worse. It’s a vicious cycle to be trapped in.

  • What if the other person never engages in destructive behaviour, but also never engages in self development either? What would be a good way to evaluate if they just aren’t interested and just aren’t ever going to become interested?

  • O-M-G!! I am at my “job that pays the bills” and I am listening to you as I work at my desk. I am just letting YouTube go from video to video on your channel and I know God set into motion a plan to play EVERY SINGLE VIDEO of yours today that pertains to me and where I am currently at right now! And literally in order of importance! Only God could have dialed the videos up in this specific order! Just wanted you to know that I am beginning to get an idea of what I need to do, how I am going to do it and how I am going to get my husband on board. I feel guilty for “growing” sometimes and I know it will only benefit us both as a couple in the long run, but it hard to push the guilt aside most times. Thank you so much for your videos and your inspiration!!

  • That moment when you think you are watching this for the first time & notice you liked the video..I’m still hoping that my husband will learn to have more empathy & that I can better understand him.

  • I’m not in a relationship but my family is so critical of everything I do. I try to share with them, and it’s almost like they roll their eyes at me. I’ve just finally started not worrying about them not wanting me to grow.

  • What topic do YOU think we should cover in our next series?
    Watch the full exclusive MedCircle series on borderline personality disorder HERE: https://bit.ly/2ZNDGi0

  • Amen! Thank you so much for this message Mel! I have let an ex convince me to stop on my personal development, like going to the gym or watching motivational videos like yours, and he became degrading and abusive. I was miserable in that relationship. I’m currently back on track and working on the best version of myself. I hope I can thank you in person one day!

  • Great points in this video! The power of association does not exclude your significant other. They are part of your “5” in your circle that make up a lot of YOU.

  • I literally gave this exact same advice pretty much word for word!! I’m trying to find my life purpose and the more I’m listening to motivational speeches and literally relating and saying “I literally said that” is slightly becoming scary..Im wondering if what I thought my life purpose should be and what my sub conscience mind is telling me it is! is just unreal because the signs I becoming more apparent and I feel the more I try to ignore it the more it becomes very blatant signs..I just don’t know if I honestly believe I have the confidence to be a motivational speaker or where to even start/ where to begin or why my sub-conscience mind keeps telling me these things or showing these signs constantly which is conflicting what I believe I should be doing in my conscience mind. I was actually going to make a go at being a personal trainer I even took out a large loan to complete the course and now I feel like if I was wrong for ignoring the previous and current blatant signs that keep pulling towards a completely different. I’ve waisted my time. Although it comes easy and natural to me I don’t know how to go about fulfilling the ambitions of my sub conscience.xx

  • 2018 before Christmas I tried to kill myself and yes I had an episode (bpd) and a lot of bad thoughts, I was at a party and jump 5 meter down from a balcony and I kinda died(was between life and death) so I was in a coma for about 4 weeks and yeah long story short the doctors say they don’t understand but my bpd is no longer with me but I feel quite a lot like I still have episodes or bpd. Yeah someone has answers to if bpd can really disappear? Idk

  • This is common with Aquarius, Taurus, Capricorn and Aries zodiac signs. The worst being Aquarius and Taurus. It comes to a point of emotional abuse and manipulation with them. Aries is just a cry baby with that anger. Lol. Taurus on the other hand is afraid of change and holding both individuals. Aquas are just confused as to whats going on because they have no clue how their own emotions work let alone someone else’s. Capricorns are just too independent to care because their whole life revolves around providing. Emotions are at the bottom of their list. Lol

  • What is the best approach to influence someone with BPD to obtain professional help?What is the treatment path? Is it a combination of appropriate medication and therapy?

  • I have BPD, and I think what people refer to as “episodes” are times when attempts to cope with the intense emotions fail. From my experience, the symptoms are more or less consistent. I have good days and bad days, as anyone does. However, on my bad days, it is more difficult to cope with what I am feeling. This may lead to an overreaction, which can be informally referred to as an “episode.” Most of the time I struggle internally. On the outside I act “normally” to most situations, and I doubt anyone would be aware of my diagnosis. A lot of times I watch others’ reactions to situations, and then watch how people view said reaction. If it is considered normal, I keep it in mind for when I may be in a similar scenario. I try to not allow my reactions exceed what is considered normal. On the inside I feel things much stronger. It’s taken years to control my reactions to emotions. I feel like the international turmoil has changed very little, but how I react has changed a lot.

  • Me and my husband has been married 8 years and the last 2 years my husband hasn’t wanted to spend time together there hasn’t been no intimacy going on 2 years now and its very frustrating what can I do

  • Respect is the key Mel! The hardest part is to keep going even when your partner keeps acting like an a** hole! The most uncertain times of my life! I am glad I came through that phase, still married to the same guy, I am glad he has gotten better, but it was his decision he bacame bearable! I just am glad I came through! Only thing that kept me going was knowing if my marriage thrashed my life would be completely off track! I just had to keep going! Staying positive! Listening to all the inspiring motivating and experienced people in this world reading all I can and working hard so his shitty behaviour can hurt me least! And God finally helped:’)

  • Thank you for this! I wish it came to me a little before, when I was lost in the manipulations of the person I was in the relationship. For a long time, I actually kept being supportive when it came to his life and I was hopeful things may change on his side. Also, I was thinking that we are just different in terms of me being into self-improvement and him being on the opposite (very negative) side. I only started realizing what’s going on when I saw that he was trying to deliberately break me as a person and my optimistic view on life in general, while the abuse kept growing. Also, other’s opinions added to that; after he no longer felt the need to hide the way he was treating me and it got out in the open, many people started to point out that his behavior towards me is beyond unacceptable. Even his own friends started to speak up. I ended this relationship with many wounds that are still healing and couldn’t be happier, I just wish I had done it sooner or never even started this whole thing.
    All this to say, I’m glad you are talking about this here, especially the differences, so other people don’t do these mistakes and take the right actions accordingly.

  • My mom has BPD and was a single parent. Growing up was horrible and I was traumatized by her illness. She would constantly like and lash out at us and she was very controlling to the point where sometimes she would keep us home from school.

  • This was so powerful for me! I’m married to a non believer of self improvement / striving to live your best life with a positive attitude. The part that really struck me was when you gave your perspective and how he might feel. I will give that a lot of thought and on how I might approach it in a different way. I think I might have been putting off an air of it’s not OK if he stays the same and then his defenses go up. I’m just going to focus on what I need to do for me and hopefully be a really good example without making him feel like he’s not OK if he doesn’t do it too. Thank you for what you do it’s very helpful for me and so many others.

  • Everything you do on this channel is truly a blessing… I watch your videos and two of then have particularly made such a powerful and positive influence in my life and I want to say thank you for this. Thank you for all of the shifts of positivity, joy and healing that you unknowingly have brought to my life and family! Please keep doing what you do ��

  • I was just watching a video and saw you in an ad. I am so blown away by what you have to say I have subscribed to your Channel and now I’m going to audiobooks to subscribe there. I am so glad that I found this Channel and you I’m tremendously grateful I’m just kicking myself I didn’t find you 10 years ago.

  • Love you Mel! Let me teel you a story: I´m from Argentina, I don´t speak english very well, but I feel that I am learning a lot because of your videos and newsletters that force me to learn, and I´m happy for that. The thing is: I have been thinking the last 3 weeks how to ask you about this topic, looking for the correct words and expressions… and here it is this video! I learn 2 things of this: 1) you really can hear and understand mi questions in spanish and 2) after this 2 months desiring learn english… It´s a decision, I´m gonna do it no matter if I it will be “useful”, I´m gonna do it because it will make me happier. And finally, let you know that you change completly mi life, and I will be always thankful for that!

  • You are truly a person who what’s to help. I wonder if you know how much you impact, improve, Develop, provide hope, and tools for all us to make changes. To see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it all started with 5 small seconds. No gimmicks of a hidden costs. You provide a service that is a gift. You are one in a million Mel Robbins, Thank you ��

  • Hi, thanks for sharing this video. My husband and I have been married for two years but before we got married he was very loving, caring with me, but as soon as we got married at church, I felt him very distant and very changed, he have a lot of anger toward me and no matter what do I do nothing is enough for him. I have tried to change and give him the space he needs. I don’t text him, call him during the morning.He come home late and drunk every day after work. He never got married before so when we got married he was 39, he has a girl and I have 2 teenagers and they all get along very well. he said that he doesn’t know how to be married when he is dealing with depression. He misses his singleness. I don’t know what to do, I wish I can help him but I did everything in my hand but he is very negative all the time. He told me he is trying to be happy with our relationship but he doesn’t know how. Can someone give me an advise what should I do or how can i help him.
    Please.
    Ange

  • Thank you for that insightful message. I really am feeling the way you described it about how scary it is to change -> […] terrified of the process of doing it and scared of what might revealed inside of me”. And how people around me will react on me wanting to change. I’m on the verge of letting my “safe job” go for something else… VERY scary since I have, you know, family, house, etc. Thanks again!

  • You should look into Islam Mel
    I love how much you have helped people and continue doing so
    Just like our prophet Muhammad PEACE AND BLESSINGS BE UPON HIM used to do
    Peace be upon those who follow the guidance °•○●