What Not saying to some Battling Friend


5 Things Not to Say to Someone Who Self Harms

Video taken from the channel: Biichann


What NOT To Say To Someone Who Has Depression – And What To Say Instead

Video taken from the channel: AJ+


7 Things Not To Say To Someone with Anxiety

Video taken from the channel: Psych2Go


5 Things Not To Say To Someone With Depression

Video taken from the channel: Psych2Go


How to Help Someone with Depression (32 Tips for when they don’t want to talk) Depression Skills #2

Video taken from the channel: Therapy in a Nutshell


What not to say to someone struggling with infertility

Video taken from the channel: Today’s Parent


Helping a friend struggling with depression: Tips from Dr. Randy Auerbach

Video taken from the channel: ColumbiaPsych

Platitudes like “Everything happens for a reason” aren’t helpful when you’re trying to comfort a friend. Resorting to clichés can make it feel like you’re minimizing the friend’s pain. And stay. The actual, correct, scientifically-supported way to lend words of comfort to a depressed friend is to employ “negative validation.” Basically, you should deliver words that communicate an understanding of the person’s emotions, so they feel their reaction to the situation is. It’s not easy to know what to say to a friend who tells us they’re struggling with infertility.

It can be pretty uncomfortable to see our friend so vulnerable and in pain. So what do we do? We love our friend so, naturally, we make light of the situation, recoil, and try to fix our friend’s problem pronto!Your friend will appreciate any effort you put into helping them feel better.

Just remember not to sacrifice your own mental wellbeing while trying to help. It’s ok if nothing works; just expressing your concern and willingness to help can make a world of difference. And by helping a friend who’s struggling, you might feel a little happier. “Try not to say something that’s supposed to take away the pain, because nothing is going to,” Doka says. Just like “Time heals” or “It’ll be alright,” you’re not acknowledging how truly painful.

“Often, people don’t have the capacity to say ‘I don’t know how to help you with this’ or ‘you crying in front of me makes me uncomfortable,’ but your behavior and words reflect that through saying what you think you’re supposed to say in the situation. My job. When I asked our Facebook group what they needed from friends when they were struggling, Tara from Nutrition Guru and the Chef shared, “ Don’t just say ‘make sure you look after yourself’ or ‘make sure you get some time to yourself to rest’.

The group members’ amount of say in their treatment is not common in reality, the basic building blocks are there. The patients are monitored by a physician, psychologist, dietician, nutritionist, and a home advisor.


p>As far as building relationships go, Ellen and her housemates are able to build a nice family dynamic and support system. S weet friends and family sometimes have no idea how to handle us, what to say to us, or how to behave around us. Having lived in the super awesome sorority that is infertility for just over a decade, I have had SO MUCH experience in what to say and what not to say when communicating with a friend that is struggling with infertility.

A friend who can stand by your side and say, “you will make through this phase”, is the one you need. A friend in need is a friend indeed, but we seldom get such friends who are there with us during the not-so-happy times. I believe that, even if you don’t have a friend like that, it shouldn’t stop you from being a caring friend to others.

List of related literature:

You can give a compassionate smile or even have a chat with this new friend to see whether you can say something that would help alleviate her burdens.

“Spirituality For Dummies” by Sharon Janis
from Spirituality For Dummies
by Sharon Janis
Wiley, 2011

Consequently, when talking about how her depression makes you feel, you need to reassure her that you value your friendship with her.

“Readings for Diversity and Social Justice” by Maurianne Adams, Warren J. Blumenfeld, Rosie Castaneda, Heather W. Hackman, Madeline L. Peters, Ximena Zuniga
from Readings for Diversity and Social Justice
by Maurianne Adams, Warren J. Blumenfeld, et. al.
Routledge, 2000

If she is really stumped and just can’t come up with anything, try giving her a new way to look at the problem by saying, “Is there any difficulty going on in your friend’s life right now that has nothing to do with you?”

“I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better” by Gary B. Lundberg, Joy Lundberg, Joy Saunders Lundberg
from I Don’t Have to Make Everything All Better
by Gary B. Lundberg, Joy Lundberg, Joy Saunders Lundberg
Penguin Books, 2000

Make it clear that you have your friend’s happiness and well-being in mind and then gently ask her to think out loud with you about those parts of the future that she can’t foresee.

“How Women Decide” by Therese Huston
from How Women Decide
by Therese Huston
Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2016

Tell her clearly when she’s doing well or badly and when she has won or lost.

“Fundamentals of Game Design: Fundamentals of Game Design_2” by Ernest Adams
from Fundamentals of Game Design: Fundamentals of Game Design_2
by Ernest Adams
Pearson Education, 2010

If your friend comes to you for help and you cannot give it to him don’t turn him away with cold words, but with the words of cheer and comfort.

“Marcus Garvey Life and Lessons: A Centennial Companion to the Marcus Garvey and Universal Negro Improvement Association Papers” by Marcus Garvey, Robert Abraham Hill, Barbara Blair
from Marcus Garvey Life and Lessons: A Centennial Companion to the Marcus Garvey and Universal Negro Improvement Association Papers
by Marcus Garvey, Robert Abraham Hill, Barbara Blair
University of California Press, 1987

For your friend’s own good, let him or her talk freely about the loss.

“Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions” by James W. Pennebaker
from Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions
by James W. Pennebaker
Guilford Publications, 1997

Say that she should get up and start working, eat well—all her misgivings will disappear.’

“The First Promise” by Ashapurna Debi, Āśāpūrṇā Debī, Indira Chowdhury
from The First Promise
by Ashapurna Debi, Āśāpūrṇā Debī, Indira Chowdhury
Orient Longman, 2004

Gratefully accept the help and let your friend know in simple ways how much it means to you.

“Natural Health After Birth: The Complete Guide to Postpartum Wellness” by Aviva Jill Romm
from Natural Health After Birth: The Complete Guide to Postpartum Wellness
by Aviva Jill Romm
Inner Traditions/Bear, 2002

By describing to her what a good friend should be like, she will seek out deep connections as well.

“Black Women's Mental Health: Balancing Strength and Vulnerability” by Stephanie Y. Evans, Kanika Bell, Nsenga K. Burton
from Black Women’s Mental Health: Balancing Strength and Vulnerability
by Stephanie Y. Evans, Kanika Bell, Nsenga K. Burton
State University of New York Press, 2017

Alexia Lewis RD

Registered Dietitian Nutritionist and Certified Heath Coach who believes life is better with science, humor, and beautiful, delicious, healthy food.

[email protected]

View all posts


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • I hate when people say they are going to tell a teacher THAT DOESNT HELP if I show my scars it must mean I’ve talked to someone about it or I’m working on it

  • Depression!!!  I thinks its common now a days. In every 5 out of 1 people suffer from depression����, which will impact today’s humanity.
    For more info click https://gaurav271090.blogspot.com/2020/07/how-to-deal-with-depression.html?m=1

  • It’s all in your head.

    I get that a lot, but only from my Aunt, my mom is very understanding of my anxiety and is working with me to make it better.

  • I honestly have so many symptoms of depression. I’ve did so much research

    Yet because I have a much better childhood than most people, I tell myself I’m just being selfish.

    I’m not abused at home. My brother is mean, but I make things worse by arguing with him

    I’m not bullied at schools. I don’t have a problem with the law or alcohol.

    My parents have a good amount of money

    So what reason do I have to feel this way.

    I constantly say to myself whenever I have thoughts of suicide that I’m just being an insult to those who actually have depression. Or that I have no reason to feel this way and I’m just being selfish about my own problems and discontent.

    Once my mom did tell me when I did lose interest and motivation in school that it’s an insult to kids who actually need help in school considering I’m really smart and can do it easily.

    I do remember some things that do upset me that my family sad but it’s not full on abuse and I probably brought it on myself.

  • Just because you are depressed and maybe even feel suicidal, just before you think about anything, think about how people would react, how would they feel to know that you weren’t there anymore? Even if you weren’t that close to them, doesn’t mean they wouldn’t care. So next time you think about that, think about this comment, and think how other people would feel. And if you really need it here’s a free hug ��

  • I haven’t been diagnosed but I know for sure that I most likely have depression. The reason I haven’t been diagnosed is because I’m scared. I’m scared what others will think, I’m scared what others will say, I’m just scared. My friends know about how depressed I am and cutting and stuff but I’m scared to tell my nana. I have a feeling she’ll be understanding but she’s likely just going to have a talk with me then dismiss it. I don’t want to have a long talk with her, I just want help. I just want professional help.

  • Me: Dad, I’m having a panic attack!
    My Dad: No you aren’t, you don’t know what it’s like to have anxiety or panic attacks. Stop being an attention seeker.

  • Although i dont have depression and i do not want to say that i have because i dont want to but i heard this from my mother almost everytime i see her

  • Thank you so much for this video, and all your others but I love how you made this one for the loved one of a depressed person helping give ideas on how to get better, or at least make it better. ☮️����

  • What about “I’m / I’ll always be here for you” or “You can count on me”? I guess it would hurt alot more if the person who said that to you died due to an unfortunate event, and you might feel like your alone and lost hope…

    Please tell me your point of view in the replies, since I’m curious.

  • Something that I hate hearing is: Everyone feels this way.

    No everyone does not feel this way, and all you’re doing is making me feel worse

  • Depression for me: mood swings, suicidal thoughts, feeling like absolute sh!t, feeling hopeless, feeling sad, angry, feeling like a mistake, burden,etc.

    Depression for my mom: i WaSn’T aBLe tO bUy ThOsE jEaNs i’M sO dEpReSsEd

  • tbf my and some of my friends talk about what we use and stuff so ig it’s okay in that situation but when someone u don’t know asks then that’s not right

  • Idk why but it’s comforting to know this. My mom does all but two and all this time I’ve been feeling like I was too stubborn to take it correctly. She’s not trying to be harmful but I think that “there is nothing to worry about” and “I know what you’re going through” are the worst. Those phrases stick In my mind.

  • this was actually in our health book at school. It was about how to deal with depression and what NOT to say if people you know have suicidal thoughts.

  • Since I was very young I have had angry issues. Some of my therapists believed those fits were a version of anxiety as most were triggered by me feeling wronged. (My brother pulling my hair, I screamed and mother would swoop in and send me to my room.) I have conveyed this to mother. And she has taken it to heart. So when my body freezes up her respons has gone from “Don’t get angry, there is no reason at all” to “Don’t get anxious, there is no reason at all”.

  • my bestie. I feel bad for her so I look up for videos such as this one to somehow help her and let her know that I will always be there for her

  • send funny happy gifs and affirmations or positive instagram posts from positive accounts about wellness and self care / mental health

  • 3:35 This completely broke me and made mine worse bc my “Friends” who say “I have depression” When there clearly faking that for attention, say this ALL THE TIME. It makes me SO MAD. LIKE NO U CANT ALL U WANT IS ATTENTION!!!

  • Can you guys give me some things to say when a person has anxiety? I want to help my friend, but I don’t know what to say. Please.

  • I have a friend that suffers from clinical depression, and has suicidal tendencies. I try to always comfort her and talk about stuff she likes, cute animals like cats and otters, we also talk about anime, and cooking videos in youtube, I really try to learn some new things and any other stuff she might like just so we can have something to talk about and something to help her with her depression. But it always somehow ends up with her being sad even if i try not to get it to that point. I cant even go to her given the current situation we’re in, we can’t go out being minors, because of the lockdown, and mandatory quarantine. She lives far away from me. All i can do now is just message or call her. I need help to help her somehow, no matter how small it is.
    Please I need some advice.
    She’s really important to me. I really want to help her.

  • My sister that is also depressed says “you have no reason to be sad or depressed so I don’t know why you are” and in my mind I’m just like “but I do… I have reasons but I can tell you my reasons because it’s physically impossible”

    Oh and some thing my sister and step mom say “well I can’t help you unless you tell me” and then leave like at least stay with me! Like they don’t help they make me feel worse… They make my mind say things “like you’re a failure!” “Just tell them how you feel!” “You’re fine!” “You have so many friends and you’re sister doesn’t you’re so ungrateful!” “Be happy!” “You’re so dumb to show or say that you are sad!” “Be grateful!” “just fake a smile!” and more stuff like that
    Any ways have a great day or night bye!

  • This kinda made me cry, lol. I am going thru a depression phase myself. And I am seeing things Anxiety symptoms in my little sister and I just want her to let go. Of things. I wanna be the best older sister.. thank you

  • Saying “You don’t look depressed to me!” Is like saying “well he looks fine to me” to someone with adhd as if they are gonna do a hyperactive outburst.

  • I don’t have anything I can really say other than thank you for saying the truth DCP, you really are one of the best people I see here

  • My personal list for things not to say to me:

    “Are you seriously gonna cry again?”
    “Your too young for that”
    “There are people doing worse than you’ll ever be. You don’t have a right to complain”
    “Quit your crying and be a man!”
    “Where do you want to go today?”
    “Cmon, [insert some strong person ] would never cry over this.” (this makes me think I’m weak, and less capable than him/her)
    “Calm down”

  • “Why are you panicking!?Why!? You are already ready!”. I have TEST and EXAM anxiety education wise. It gets me mad, frustrated, depressed, sad and so on. It even gives me panic attacks, makes me disoriented (especially on tests and exams). When they say words like this in such situation, and even if they don’t, it causes my whole body to start shaking horribly. Then it worsens and in my mind I am saying, “None of you can solve this. Not even a doctor. It’s all just me and even I am not capable of fixing this!”.

  • I’m a depressed person my mom knows that but here is what she says
    “What do you even know about life?”
    “You’re just a child”
    “Stop being so negative”
    “You are the cause of your own depression”
    “You’re not supposed to have that”
    “I understand” (but she doesn’t really)
    “I miss your happy self”
    (Makes me feel like she hates me now)
    “Why are you always on you’re phone?!”
    (Because I try to distract myself from negative thoughts)
    “What is so sad in your life that you became depressed huh?!”
    (It’s not sad in her perspective)
    “Why are you so messy?!”
    (Because my mind and body is too tired from everything)
    “You’re fat lose some weight or else you’re gonna become more giant”
    (I get insecure)
    She yells at me for something and doesn’t let me explain it
    My family always makes me feel like I’m not enough by comparing me

    She says more but I’ll not mention them

  • Me: having depression
    Your just a 12 year old trying to get attentions! Grow up! (Boi I’m 12 and I have REAL depression for a long time.)
    Your so lazy be like _!
    Your just sad..
    You don’t know how it feels
    I know how you feel:(

  • Thank you I needed this, you may not have the follower yet but I’m deeply thankful the content you give to people. I would like to bring up an idea for a future video (I hope that’s not too intrusive); I have friends that experienced a childhood trauma in their past and thus developed a very difficult personality disorder. So I personally don’t know how to speak, interact or spend time carefully with people that suffer every day from their trauma (be it issues like self-harm or whatever).

  • I’m sick of hearing “It’s not scary” because while it may not be scary to the other person, it may be horrifying to me. I’m also sick of hearing “we’re going to talk later, it’s not anything bad” because, guess what? Saying that still makes me just as anxious as “we need to talk later” and I also hate when people say “It’s not real.” Because I know that, I’ve already beat myself up over it, and it’s still terrible.

  • A person I know I’ve never hung out with but from what I’ve heard from my friends. They said he talks about crippling depression, and just being sad. Being abused all the time. I want to help him, but idk what to do? I’ve had this other friend who was really rude, and just mean. She says she’s depressed, and liked showing me her cuts. I didn’t like seeing them, because it made me sad. She see’s it as a joke, and doesn’t want to get better.

  • This video is very good i honestly agree, as a former self-harmer i can honestly agree, these are things that you should NEVER say to someone who self-harms or a former self-harmer

  • Maybe this helps some people but I don’t get why people support this phrase

    Suicide only transfers the pain to someone else

    Obviously it looks like the people who support it don’t know the pain

    Or no that we already freaking know that. How is that supposed to make some of us not depressed anymore

    It’s like not that different from saying think about the harm you’ll cause by relieving yourself from the pain

    You’re being selfish don’t you care about your loved ones.

    You’re only hurting us so just keep the pain to yourself and keep going with your life

    I’d rather have someone tell me. Don’t die, I care about you

    Or your life is just as valuable as anyone else’s

    Being reminded of the pain I’ll cause my family brings me more and more into self doubt and esteem

    It’s like. I’m a burden alive and dead so what am I supposed to do

    Maybe this does help some people but I wished people would think. If you had felt that pain would you be happy to know that your chance at escape will just hurt the people you’re trying to help by commitment suicide

    Like I said I’d rear her have someone actually listen to me and tell me that it’s ok to feel the way I do. That my life is valuable. That I’m not a burden instead

  • “why are you so shy?”
    “Its not a big deal”
    “Just calm down”
    I always hear this everyday its sad that i hear these words from my “BEST FRIENDS” whom i trusted the most… “You’re growing up you shouldn’t be shy anymore! Why are you even shy!?” Now THIS hurts… Because my own mother said this to me… She got mad at me for being shy…she wants me to change and get rid of my “ANXIETY” i had depression.. i cry every night.. im getting a little bit better because i have someone to talk to my problems and its my cousin we both are depressed tbh.. she once told me that she cuts..i was there for her like she’s there for me…

  • I am in the same situation. My gf is just like that and believe me I am texting and face timing with her 24/7. I don’t know If I am making any difference. I always tell her that I’m here for her and I care about her. I listen to her. I try new things with her painting, dancing etc. But I feel like It’s only getting worse. I really don’t know what to do and I feel under pressure a lot. I just wanna help her. I just want her to be happy and healthy. Cause that’s what matters the most. I need some advice. She is everything to me and I just want things to be okay. I just want some advice and at least a path to follow

  • Me: Hey I have been stressed recently…
    Dad: Why your a kid you have nothing to be stressed about
    Me: Starts to think my problems and worries are not important and bottles it up and gets back into my depression
    Dad: Hey your making me look bad smile and stop crying
    Me: Sinks deeper into my depression and bottles it up til it explodes
    Dad: Your disrespectful you don’t have a lot i have been through this and this and this…etc.
    Me: Tells him he’s wrong
    Me: Hides in my room and becomes distant because i don’t want to see him or be judged.
    Siblings: Your always in your room being lazy.
    Me: Feels like I let them down
    Dad: Get out of your room your there all day
    Me: Hangs out with my family
    Dad: Gets mad and ruins everyone’s day by yelling at me and my siblings that he doesn’t owe us anything and that he does everything for us. But does not yell at the toddler who is yelling,screaming,hitting, me and my siblings but we get in trouble because were old enough and it doesn’t “hurt”
    Me and Siblings: Don’t want to be around the toddler because its always our fault
    Sorry I know he is just a little kid but this happens every single day if not multiple times in one day.Again Sorry for the rant

  • All these things would have helped me so much as a teenager. I especially love the advice of just sitting with them; you do your thing and they do there’s. It would have comforted me so much just to have someone do that. Just wanting to be in the same room as your child can mean a whole lot.

  • What makes you qualified or an authority to tell people how to think, feel or act. Why whats you think your opinions are more valuable than every one elses?

  • “I know how you feel” is by far the worst one (for me personally). First off, it sounds like your just saying the typical thing you say to anyone who’s sad. You’re not truly being sincere, or at least, you don’t sound it. Second, my life is different from yours. You don’t actually know how being in my life feels. And third, my strongest argument”
    How do you know how I feel when I don’t?

  • What do I do if my girlfriend wants to abandone all her friends because she doesn’t want to hurt anyone. Her therapist said it would help to just isolate herself but I don’t think that’s right.

  • “It’s all in your head!”
    “Nobody else can help you but yourself”
    “Just stop it. Don’t think about it.”

    Never felt so alone after hearing these

  • What’s really sad is that I WANT to talk to someone…I want help. But no one I know will ever understand…my friends don’t like it whenever someone talks about depression or suicide. My parents yell at me for being overdramatic. My teachers or guidance counselors say that “if it’s not about school, it’s not their problem”. Every now and then I get this fleeting thought like “Hey, I wanna vent to someone”, and my brain immediately jumps to my friends or family…but then I remember that they’ll never understand, and the sadness comes back worse than ever.

  • Hey what if you just hate yourself and every one around you but you have a good life and wouldn’t do enemy thing harmful to yourself

  • Also I dont know who it was, but whoever mentioned the “oh it’s because you have no faith/don’t believe in (insert religion/religious figure),”

    Thank you. I always felt like no one else experienced this. I tell it to others in real life, and they always say, “maybe that person(the one preaching about religion) has a point.”

  • I have depression. I saw on a paper from my therapist. Nobody knows I know, but my therapist and everybody else only treats me for anxiety and ADHD. I don’t know if I should speak up. My grandmother had been hurting me, I have not told anyone about it though. All I know is that my depression has been getting worse. I have had suicidal thoughts lately, and don’t know what to do. My grandmother only hurts me once in a while, I don’t know if that’s abuse or not. All I can say is, my parents are not together, I have depression, anxiety, and ADHD, and I have been hurt from an adult. I don’t want my dad to be mad at me for getting his mother in trouble. This is the first time I’ve opened up. I’m not that honest with my therapist. My grandmother (I live with her and I visit my parents often) always says that I’m using “I forgot” as a excuse, but I have ADHD which makes me forget a lot of things. I don’t know what to do. I just want to be normal.

  • Actually exercise helps significantly with depression. Definitely not a fix but with the boost in dopamine, adrenaline, endorphins, etc, exercise can make people feel a lot better.

  • Nicely said. I’ve written an article on managing anxiety and stress which might interest you.
    The need to relieve stress during hard times https://thoughtsoftharun.wordpress.com/2020/07/14/the-need-to-relieve-stress-during-hard-times/

  • You’re dragging me through “your” hell.? I have enough problems, you just think about that, and stop becoming a walking problem.

    No you are just witnessing my hell, and gloating “your” stability.

    I felt dehumanized.

  • Ok so, I was diagnosed with depression and assigned with a medication but my dad refused to buy it… no matter how many times I tried to convince him, it failed… but then he told me “it’s just in your head, your fine to me.” It hurt… a lot. And all the stuff I am hiding from my dad, like how I’m lesbian, doesn’t help…

  • “Stop lying”
    “You don’t have anxiety”
    “Just smile for goodness sake!”
    “Go do your work!”

    I hate those,What’s the point in telling a family member that I/you have anxiety when they don’t f*cking believe you,

    Go to sleep x3
    “Alright for goodness sake!”
    Slightly sobs
    Why are you crying?
    “Because your stressing me!”
    I’m not,I’m just telling you to go to sleep

  • One time I ask someone who was depressed “Are you like depressed or something?” Good thing that wasn’t in the top 5 worst things to say

  • We need an up-to-date education system so that people are not to ignorant about things, including psychology, it’s the 21st century, not the 19th century.

  • Favour needed! Psych2Go’s mission has always been to make psychology and mental health topics more accessible for the public, but lately, with the Covid-19 situation, it has been harder to remind people of the importance of mental health. Hence, our videos haven’t been reaching that many people. If you have a chance, and you find our content helpful, could you help share one of our videos on your social platform? If you did, let us know so we can thank you! Have a good day!

  • something that always makes it worse is when people make you feel guilty for having depression. for instance, ‘when you’re like ‘this’ you’re bringing me down.’ or ‘I want you to know how much you’re hurting ME.’ or ‘I don’t want to be around you when you’re so sad and ignorant.’

  • Lol, I went through two types of depression: Sadness and then Numbness. I’m also an HSP (don’t know if I’m rare extrovert or the common introvert) and I went through anxiety, mine was panic attacks. But the first one helped me a lot when I was told it, so I’ve used on people to help them as well, I guess it’s because even when I had panic attacks I was still me and very logical. I would be talking to myself in 2 person dialogue:

    Panic Me: “IM GONNA DIEEEE!!!! IM GONNA DIE!!! IM GONNA F#&#&$;”!?* DIE,-##)+_&”

    Me Too: “HOW? You’re just extremely anxious, hyperventilating, hearts beating fast and really hard… Dude I think you’re just having a Panic Attack.”

    It would go on for a little more like this, being logical helped me in my darkest times and made it easier to deal with the panic attacks until they left permanently left. They still sucked but it’s nicer being able to not believe the hype on dying, lol.

  • That stupid “YOu HavE NoTHinG To bE DEPPreSsEd AboUt” what my mom says any time that I bring up depression she asks me if I think I have it I always deny that I do because I’m afraid Ill get in trouble
    But then after I say no she says good you have so many blessing and you have the best life and no reason to be depressed

  • I look at the comment section and people are saying that you shouldn’t say “Breathe”, “It’s going to be okay” and “I’m here for you, your family is here for you” and stuff like that either. I’m doing my very best to comfort them but of course if everything I say is wrong I don’t know what to do. As a person with a distance relationship where my partner has constant anxiety, it’s hard to know how to say the right things since I can’t hug them or comfort them in that way as I’m in another country. I’d love to hear some tips on what to say to not be offensive towards them from here.. Because of course I want to support and help them when they are going through a hard time with anxiety and depression. It’s just very hard when I can’t psycically be there for them yet. I’d appreciate it to know what to say as well now that I know what not to say.

  • When you say “I’ll be here” mean it. It doesn’t help to just say you’ll help, then make excuses to be anywhere else when they take up that offer.

  • I don’t think saying you know how someone who is depressed might feel is a good idea, but there are a lot of people who don’t have access to the medical help or resources for a proper diagnosis but show all the symptoms. So I think saying “unless you’ve been diagnosed with clinical depression by a licensed psychologist, you can’t know how a depressed person might feel” is invalidating in and of itself.

  • 3:22 it also hurts a lot because many depressive people (like me) usually pretend to be okay, and when we finally have the courage to open up to someone and they say that is just…

  • My depression all started when my brother was born. He got all the attention and everything. First I didnt care, becuase, he was a baby!
    Then… he started growing and they payed less and less attention to me. I tried real hard to stay happy but I realized when you are happy, you can become sad while if you are sad, you just stay sad. That’s how it works.
    Now, well…
    I just dont want to live anymore. Whats the point of living?

  • My mom literally yelled at me for 10 minutes straight telling her life story of how she was abused as a kid and poor and accusing me of being ungrateful and lazy and says that I shouldn’t use my depression as an excuse and doesn’t think I understand or get it and tells me to get my shit together I keep I’m trying to but she keeps on yelling at me when I have done nothing wrong and I’m s good child she just causes me to throw things at her I really try not to but she tests me a lot

  • I’ve been depressed I may still be depressed I dont se when things change in my attitude all I know is I gotta stay on my computer to avoid my family fighting

  • Please i need your help, there’s this girl I like and I think she likes me back too, but yesterday night one of her best friends committed suicide, do you have any tips on what stuff I should tell her to make her feel better?

  • I think the best thing to do when someone has anxiety is too leave them alone. They most likely do not want to be talked to at the moment. Also, don’t say “It’s fine” or “Your ok” IT IS NOT YA DICKS. Always be by their side when they need it and be truthful.

  • I thought you would explain a little bit more on each one, or have an example for each one to clarify or sum up what they each do to person

  • This is how to approach a female when their depressed. By telling a male “I’ll be there for u” makes us feel like we’re less of a man and ultimately failures. Although this is stupid thinking, you do wether you notice it or not become pretty damn ignorant when your depressed.

  • My sister hid my utility kn*fe from me for a few weeks and still gets mad when I need to get new bl*des to make sumth or threatens to send me to a ward if she sees it

  • “Why do you worry so much if he’s (my dog) going to protect you like this?” I don’t have to many people around me who know or have seen me get anxious, but a lot of times my dog gets protective of me but he usually just play fights. Well one day my Aunt was waking me up and my dog starts play fighting. At first everything was fine, but then, already being a little stressed because I had a panic attack the night before, my Aunt says, “Why do you worry so much, if he’s going to protect you like this.” I tried explaining it to her that It’s not that simple putting myself in that mindset, but she wouldn’t listen. And when I tried to approach my mom about it and that I wanted to be left alone, she kinda just blew me. I ended up locking myself in the bathroom and cried till I finally calmed myself down and just walked home. (My aunt woke me up to go to our neighbors/cousins for supper)

  • Most of these things apply to anyone who is sad. If people implemented the things they saw in this video when dealing with people that are just on hard times or have depression then the wolrd would be so so much better.

  • Things people say that REALLY pisses me off:

    -YoU’rE jUsT sEeKiNg AtTeNtIoN!
    -JuSt IgNoRe WhAt PeOpLe SaY!
    -WhAt I sAiD aBoUt YoU wAs JuSt a JoKe!
    -StOp BeInG nEgAtIvE!
    And lastly (This pisses me off the most, “You’re just seeking attention is a close second”):
    -tHiS iS wHy PeOpLe HaTe YoU!

    I’m surprised these weren’t mentioned in the video

  • Guys cant have depression, just be a man walk it off
    That’s what I always here from everyone no one thinks i have it cause I’m a guy

  • Thank you sis ☺��
    I really love you ☺����������
    I hope you don’t wan’t to d13
    But,i know you wanna d13, but if you d13,i will d13 to, for you ☺����������������

  • So easy to say these advises, when you are dealing with someone everyday with anxiety and she is not asking for help, it’s so frustrating, so just saying “I am here”, it’s not enough

  • I normally tend to say things like:
    1: Are you feeling ok? Do you want help? Do u want me here?
    2: I see u are in pain, do u want me to get u help? Is it ok for me to talk to u? Do u want to talk?
    3: Hey! Dont give up, Im here for u. Hey, plz dont hurt urself. Hey, Let go someplace better.
    Always understand pain, can come from anywhere at anytime.

  • Most people do not know how to deal with someone that suffers from anxiety. More often they will say the wrong thing with anger or frustration in their voice. It’s like a dismissal because they have no clue how to approach or deal with what we go through during this anxiety that plagues us. Keeping to ourselves isn’t the answer but it saves the explanations and the repetitive responses. Mind you, it isn’t always frustration in their voice, it can also be silence but sympathetically.. I believe that it’s a matter of educating both sides. Those who deal with it and those around us.

  • My twin sister is depressed and is struggling alone because she puts on a mask every single day. I dont want her to suffer any longer. Pls can anyone tell me how i can help her out of this darkness?

  • My mom needs to watch this! She acts like she knows EEEEEEEEEVRYTHING about my anxiety. PS she doesn’t it’s at the point where I feel like a burden. Sometimes I wish, I were back at my college for kids with disabilities. There just like me. They wouldn’t yammer, every time I had an anxiety attack!��

  • “Oh come on… You’re too young to have that… Us adults have to worry about bills, the house, jobs… That’s nothing…”
    I’m tired of hearing this. Adults think that they’re problems are worse than ours.
    I told my mom I think I have depression and she didn’t believe me and started talking about HER problems. Sure she has problems too I’m not denying, but none of those problems include constant crying pain out of nowhere or death wishes…

  • I had depression and I disagree with this video. My depression was mostly caused by medications so it was psychological. I do have depression now because my grandfather died and I have other issues but I realized that I need to stop being a little bitch and find something else to do. I am still not happy with my life but I, at least, find shit to do like hang out with friends or spar.

  • I just want a friend who I can lean on and call when I feel down or can let me cry on their shoulder and say that its okay to cry, just let it all out, I’m here for you and you can always count on me.

  • I have met people who have said bad things about my anxiety or things that don’t help, so here’s what has happened to me when I’ve come across these people. My life just kinda flipped like a switch. Everything I had was now gone. My parents got a divorce, I moved schools, lost some friends, my childhood cat passed away, and now we have to move out of my childhood home in a month. Due to my OCD, I would feel the need to fix the slightest mistakes and people would tell me not everything is going to be perfect or go your way. It’s not a big deal. Stop acting like this. Why do you HAVE to fix everything. At the time I had a narcissistic “friend” who talked bad about me, made fun of my anxiety and OCD, etc. She made me extremely self conscious. Her mom was also principal of the school and my mom was a teacher there. Her mom was extremely rude to my mom and was one of the reasons she quit and is now unemployed. That school lost 17 TEACHERS this year after only losing 4 every few years. Her mom has surprisingly not been fired yet. Other than that I switched schools and my best friend got into a new friend group. Her new friends began to dislike me out of no where and started to talk behind my back, spread rumors about me, tell me lies about my best friend, make sure no one included me in anything, and tried to make my friend avoid me even though that was the first time I was able to talk to her in 4 months. I felt like I had to dismantle the relationship with my best friend even though I realized that she was the one who shut down the rumors, talked good about me and tried to stop them from saying bad things about me, and did her best to include me in everything. We didn’t talk for a few months, but she was dealing with really bad anxiety and personal issues and had to help herself with not using technology and trying to understand herself. She was dealing with all this and still tried to help me. We both talked about our sides of the story, noticed how toxic of people they were, and understood each other so now our friendship is surprisingly better than ever! I couldn’t imagine my life without her and is so glad I didn’t make that choice. Sorry it is so long, but if you read all of it, thank you and have a good day!

  • “Stop crying”
    “You have to try harder”
    “Stop acting like a crybaby”
    “I don’t care”
    These are some thing I’m tired of hearing it makes me anxious or stressed out

  • I remember back in the day we have a saying: stick and bat may break my bone, but words can never hurt me.

    I don’t ever remember seeing people being depressed when I was growing up. I guess the more things you have the more depression you get huh.

  • here’s what applies to me
    “Calm down, nothing is happening.”
    “Why are you so scared! All we’re doing is going somewhere.”
    “Seriously, there’s nothing wrong happening.”
    “Why are you so scared scaredy cat?”
    “Why the heck are you not responding?”
    “ANSWER ME.”
    “calm down.”
    “Oh my god, your overreacting.”
    “Stop being so sensitive!”
    (it applies to me,i have social anxiety)

  • U left out are u okay that just makes us feel worse cause we’re like why wouldn’t we be okay and then we get self conscious that ur noticing our anxiety and then we get even more anxiety

  • I am tired of people sayingrelax meditate (I do) ANND you think too much ANND it’s a choice, you can choose not to think that way

  • ‘How are you tired, you’ve done nothing all day’

    ‘You’re lazy’

    ‘We’ve all experienced anxiety’

    ‘You’re so anti social’

    ‘You’ve got to call them yourself’

  • I really felt offended when a lady told me that my anxiety & bipolar one with psychosis was from satan. Then she quoted Bible verse “God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love & a sound mind.”

  • hi! i don’t know you or what you’re going through, but i do know you’re trying. i know you’re trying your very best to get through this. and you know what? i’m proud of you. keep going, i believe in you. you can and will get better. i love you�� oh, and one more thing, you are more than enough:))

    also, you can listen to this for the mean time: https://youtu.be/eSH7QSzkhQg
    i know it’s not much, but i hope it can help you feel a bit better:))

  • thank you. i truly needed this. i am still trying to figure out if i could be depressed or not. i think i am, but i most likely have ¨smiling depression¨. i keep everything all bottled up, and only let it out late at night when i can´t sleep. you are truly helping people, i thank you for it.

  • hi, my girl has anxiety and i dont know what to do and say when she gets anxious,,, what can i do to help? or what should i do? ��

  • Having depression and suicidal thoughts have made me learn how to lie and make stuff up on the spot, it really isn’t a good habit to have, I wish I could talk to my parents about it, but I am just too nervous about what they will say…

  • My mom and dad even my aunt and all of my family didnt belive me that am depress like they push me to the cliff but in my school even my classmates even my groupmates say to me that am useless means i was hit harder and push me to the cliff more,no one help me because they thought i dont have any mental heath because i was hyper and happy child but i hide my problems,and one friend came to me to help me so my prombelm s are gone but my depressio are still me

  • I hate when people make It about themselves it just makes things feel worse I understand everyone goes through things ok I get that but understand I’m a human to I also have feelings and I handle things differently.

  • One of the worst things is when I’m not feeling anxious and have something to be legitimately upset about, but the other person tells me I’m just letting my anxiety get to me.

  • See there is a boy I like, his name Presley but he was beat up in the bathroom last year and mentally abused but I don’t know how to talk to him I’m younger then him and not sure how to talk any tips

  • Anxiety is your Get Of Jail Card for everything

    It’s reasonable for someone to raise their voice when you act like this

    I’m stressed out and it’s no big deal. So what’s your problem?

  • (For reference: I’m 16 and I have PTSD, depression and (social) anxiety -diagnosed by a licensed therapist).

    My mum always tells me it’s a big “F you” towards her because she had a worse childhood than I had and that many other kids have it worse and would love to swap lives with me. She also says I live in luxury compared to her when she was a kid. My mum and stepdad always tell me it’s in my head and when I tell them I know and that I know if I think rationally I shouldn’t be stressed out, but I can’t help it. Also, yesterday when I really tried my best to be happy and spontaneous at the dinner table, they just ignored me except if I said something, not to their liking. This happens a lot, the last time was yesterday; I cried a lot when I was finally alone in my bedroom:/ n e way,, sorry for the long rant haha

  • “Try to be more positive.”
    “Stop being so negative.”
    “You talk negativity up.”
    “You have it easy; so and so has it worse than you.”

    Me: Easy to say for someone who doesn’t suffer depression. This coming from the same person who calls me selfish, ungrateful, and a “bully” to my brother.

  • Every recess I used (it’s quarantine now folks.) to be on the swings with the same group of people the entire recess. We would do competitions on the swings. And I would scream “IM HIGH ENOUGH IM HIGH ENOUGH” and they kept pushing me. I started crying because my stomach started hurting. They finally stopped. My friends on the other swings said “she has anxiety leave her alone.” And I told my friend I cut my hair and she has always been toxic to me. She said “ew short hair.” I just stayed silent. She started fighting with me and I said she’s always rude and she said “it’s not my fault you’re insecure.” And my anxiety causes my depression along with bullies. So yeah my life is helll

  • With the coronavirus happening, i’m just gonna send funny tiktoks and keep reminding her that she’s actually not invisible. That a lot of people sees her and love her.

  • I get anxiety every move or action that I’m about to or have done like tiny things like saying hello to my brother or entering a shop

  • Dude I remember staying over with one of my best friends and it was getting hot so I rolled up my sleeves and they literally out of nowhere poked my scars and said almost exactly “That’s dumb. Your stupid.”

    B O I

    Also I know nobody asked but being this feels like a safe place to vent about this topic, I figured I’d get this outta me. Thanks for reading and I hope y’all are doing okay. ��

  • Anxiety or depression increases more when you pay much more attention to it. Just change your thought process gradually. Believe that you are brave and beautiful.

  • Do I have anxiety?
    I overthink my overthinking. Then I tell myself I am drawing attention to myself. I hurt someone because of this. Now I feel like everything I ever did was worth nothing. I have anxiety and self worth issues.

  • Appreciate Video clip! Excuse me for the intrusion, I would appreciate your opinion. Have you tried Lammywalness Erase Depression Guide (Sure I saw it on Google)? It is a great exclusive guide for beating depression fast minus the headache. Ive heard some amazing things about it and my GF got excellent results with it.

  • I have a gf who has anxieties. I said something to her that made her feel worse cuz i didnt understand what anxieties feels like. She would tell me everything going bad and i said you think you bad luck. Thats the worst thing i said and idk y but it jus came out and she had to regain herself and tell me that was crazy in what i said. I apologize cuz i felt bad.

  • I remember someone said I’m self diagnosing myself since I am depressed… like that a makes me feel like I’m just a nobody or like not normal and makes me feel like god doesn’t want me on this earth at times… some days I wish I just was not on earth and just up heaven for just a second would be blessing..I’m tired of even breathing at times or sometimes I don’t wanna eat some days I just wanna cry and hide under my covers..

  • I got kicked out of multiple police academies for being honest about my mental health record. Just last week I was kicked out of a police academy that I WAS ACCEPTED INTO after passing the Pelletb and doing the physical assessment test. I even made it through the first three days of the academy, but the one time I decided to be honest to my instructor who called me into the office to ask me how I was doing at the end of class, I said I had a bit of doubt on whether I could make it, but it had nothing to do with my past hospital mental health record(which btw they apparently never knew about despite me writing in the personal history statement.) Then because of me telling them about it, they kicked me out. Screw that integrity B.S. they teach there. I should’ve just kept my mouth shut about my past mental illness and powered through it. Screw integrity. Now I’ve wasted two years of my life trying to join the police only to accomplish nothing apparently.

  • Hi. I also suffer with anxiety and depression. I am sleeping much better thanks to these videos: https://youtu.be/bvHUtkywE4s. I put the videos to sleep at night and goodbye insomnia. Try it and tell me.


    I hope it helps you!

  • How about, “Just stop worrying so much”
    “You’re blowing this out of proportion.”
    “Just get up and get moving. That will snap you out of this. You just need to be doing stuff, getting stuff done.”

  • When my mum has said “you need to work this out yourself” it makes me feel so alone and like they dont even want ti try and help me.

  • The phrase, “What can I do to help?” has always annoyed me because I don’t ever know why I’m anxious, so I don’t know how you can help. This might just be me though.

    i personally dont self harm anymore but i still do have rlly bad self deprecative tendencies, probably caused by my gender dysphoria; i honestly despise it when people say “don’t you love yourself??”, “be grateful that God made you like this, [deadname]” or “just be happy in the body you’re in!!” gee karen i’d sure love to be happy with my self were it not for this medical disorder that cause my brain to not match with the body im in

  • Thank you AJ+ I have dealt with depression multiple times and currently am right now. People think that being judgemental is the way to go. I’m going to say it like it is, IF YOU DON’T DEAL WITH THIS YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT’S LIKE!

  • I’ve heard all these with me panic attacks start for no reason…i wake up and there’s that awful feeling in stomach my heart is pounding everyday I was good for a couple months and it’s back…I’ve been in the hospital..counseling…antidepressants which made it worse Dr wouldn’t put me on a low dose of anything to take edge off so I suffer all by myself…

  • Even if my friends/people that i love say those
    i try to show appreciation
    even if it hurts

    i dont want to let them down
    atleast theyre trying to make me happy/contribute for me
    i think thats kinda ok to me
    they still care about me
    no matter how hard they try to comfort me

  • I’ve never been clinically diagnosed and I probably don’t have depression but I know when I’m having a rough night and consulting a friend about it what makes me feel worse is if they start talking about they’re struggles and what helped them, because it looks as if they don’t care about what I’m going through or how I feel. Anyone else share this?

  • Number six is very relatable. My friends think that they have anxiety, so when I talk about they say they know what I mean.

    But also I can’t blame them, how do you know of you have anxiety if you have nothing to compare it to

  • Me. Have you tried not thinking about the past. Lot of anxiety all the time. Have had a lot of people call me lazy or dismissive but I just don’t trust many people.

  • I made a mistake and hurt my friends then they became angry cuz ive been like this for a long time.. they told me and ask me what’s happening with me with rage.. they told me to stop being like this and i just agree with them tho i don’t know how just to stop the fight… they are so tired trying to fix me so i understand why they were like that especially i made a mistake but it triggered my anxiety but now i feel much better

  • seems so basic and easy but my mother can’t seem to understand. saying “just think positive” like boom my depression is gone. what’s worse she loves to turn it around to make it about her her her and how she’s had it worse bla bla bla. piss off

  • My friend has been having some self-harm issues. And she really hates talking to anyone about it but me. We are really close, and I am really the only one who she tells (except for her Mum). And when I watched this video, I kinda related because when she tells me that someone said something like that, it just makes me so angry. I don’t really know why some people can be so intrusive. If they don’t want to tell you, then they don’t need to.

    2 your getting anxious over nothing: me: “oh so now you are a mind reader now” (sarcasm)
    3 everything is going to be fine: me: “you don’t know the future OR what I’m going through”
    4 stop attacking like tha it’s weird: me: “well if you don’t care how I feel then don’t expect me to and you can’t change me”
    6 I know exactly how you feel: me: “no you don’t, no one will ever understand, they’re all caught up in their own lives”
    7 is it me, did I do something wrong: me: “why would it be you, what do you think I hate you or something, because I don’t you shouldn’t jump to conclusions like that”

    Just don’t say these things because it just makes things worse.

  • I met a girl online and shes depressed, but she doesn’t want to see a therapist and her family isn’t supportive of her. What do i do?

  • I have a friend online, and her brother shares an account with her. He told me she hasn’t been coming out of her room, and hasn’t eaten for days. He doesn’t want to try and force her out because she had always been scared for reasons I can’t really say. Every time he try’s to talk to her she just says “go away” and her door is locked. Anybody in the comments have any advice?

  • I am depressed and my mom is always telling me things like
    “Why are you so weird and pathetic”
    “If I knew that you were gonna be like this I would have aborted you”
    “You’re not perfect
    She never understands that she is the one who is pressuring me
    It happens daily and she always gotta compare me with others…

  • All my friends are successful in someway I know it’s not good to compare life’s but… I can’t control it when I hear things like my boyfriend is the best and shit… I really wanna suicide or kill my friend I know it’s bad but get crisis all the time… I need help really

  • Wish my husband understood depression. He just says I am lazy and that I dont care about him. I don’t know what to do. I just dont have a drive or interest in anything. I love my family, but I guess I see why they think I might not. I live in my bed. For about 5 yrs, I have lived in my bed. I am just 35 and have wasted years of my life because of this numb feeling. I am diagnosed with severe depression, panic disorder and PTSD. I just want to WANT again. To want to have a sex drive, to care about keeping my house clean and organized, to want to spend time with my family more… will I ever get better? My husband could leave me if things don’t change. His only approach has been to put me down, because he thinks I just dont care about anything anymore. I use to be the perfect wife. Had supper on the table every night. Did laundry so consistently, my husbands sock drawer was 75% brand new socks. I cleaned the entire house every single day. And I mean clean! I ironed his suit at night before church and shined his shoes. Now he just throws them in the dryer to get wrinkles out. I use to initiate sex (now I couldn’t care less if I ever had sex again). I use to want to go bowling, play pool or go to the movies. I use to hand make items and sell on Etsy. Basically, I use to be an actual human being.

  • Don’t know why, but I actually say these thing on myself. Guess it’s backfire then. Though it will motivate myself but no it just make it worse.

  • I can say,…
    Depressed one can motivate thousands of others.
    But the depressed one will end with a smile like a fuming volcano heart.
    These person can trigger faster than anything else, when they met discomfort.
    Expectations kills.
    Expectations from human / GOD.
    (Doing best,…but still failed.)
    Unknowingly,…teachers are the reasons of million students into death.
    Life is a mess. I’m gonna die…
    Sounds may be crazy,…. but the reality often a disappointing.

  • Check out my article on mental health.
    Mental Health and Illnesses https://thoughtsoftharun.wordpress.com/2020/06/15/mental-health-and-illnesses/