What Not saying to some Battling Friend

 

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5 Things Not To Say To Someone With Depression

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What not to say to someone struggling with infertility

Video taken from the channel: Today’s Parent


 

Helping a friend struggling with depression: Tips from Dr. Randy Auerbach

Video taken from the channel: ColumbiaPsych


Platitudes like “Everything happens for a reason” aren’t helpful when you’re trying to comfort a friend. Resorting to clichés can make it feel like you’re minimizing the friend’s pain. And stay. The actual, correct, scientifically-supported way to lend words of comfort to a depressed friend is to employ “negative validation.” Basically, you should deliver words that communicate an understanding of the person’s emotions, so they feel their reaction to the situation is. It’s not easy to know what to say to a friend who tells us they’re struggling with infertility.

It can be pretty uncomfortable to see our friend so vulnerable and in pain. So what do we do? We love our friend so, naturally, we make light of the situation, recoil, and try to fix our friend’s problem pronto!Your friend will appreciate any effort you put into helping them feel better.

Just remember not to sacrifice your own mental wellbeing while trying to help. It’s ok if nothing works; just expressing your concern and willingness to help can make a world of difference. And by helping a friend who’s struggling, you might feel a little happier. “Try not to say something that’s supposed to take away the pain, because nothing is going to,” Doka says. Just like “Time heals” or “It’ll be alright,” you’re not acknowledging how truly painful.

“Often, people don’t have the capacity to say ‘I don’t know how to help you with this’ or ‘you crying in front of me makes me uncomfortable,’ but your behavior and words reflect that through saying what you think you’re supposed to say in the situation. My job. When I asked our Facebook group what they needed from friends when they were struggling, Tara from Nutrition Guru and the Chef shared, “ Don’t just say ‘make sure you look after yourself’ or ‘make sure you get some time to yourself to rest’.

The group members’ amount of say in their treatment is not common in reality, the basic building blocks are there. The patients are monitored by a physician, psychologist, dietician, nutritionist, and a home advisor.

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p>As far as building relationships go, Ellen and her housemates are able to build a nice family dynamic and support system. S weet friends and family sometimes have no idea how to handle us, what to say to us, or how to behave around us. Having lived in the super awesome sorority that is infertility for just over a decade, I have had SO MUCH experience in what to say and what not to say when communicating with a friend that is struggling with infertility.

A friend who can stand by your side and say, “you will make through this phase”, is the one you need. A friend in need is a friend indeed, but we seldom get such friends who are there with us during the not-so-happy times. I believe that, even if you don’t have a friend like that, it shouldn’t stop you from being a caring friend to others.

List of related literature:

You can give a compassionate smile or even have a chat with this new friend to see whether you can say something that would help alleviate her burdens.

“Spirituality For Dummies” by Sharon Janis
from Spirituality For Dummies
by Sharon Janis
Wiley, 2011

Consequently, when talking about how her depression makes you feel, you need to reassure her that you value your friendship with her.

“Readings for Diversity and Social Justice” by Maurianne Adams, Warren J. Blumenfeld, Rosie Castaneda, Heather W. Hackman, Madeline L. Peters, Ximena Zuniga
from Readings for Diversity and Social Justice
by Maurianne Adams, Warren J. Blumenfeld, et. al.
Routledge, 2000

If she is really stumped and just can’t come up with anything, try giving her a new way to look at the problem by saying, “Is there any difficulty going on in your friend’s life right now that has nothing to do with you?”

“I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better” by Gary B. Lundberg, Joy Lundberg, Joy Saunders Lundberg
from I Don’t Have to Make Everything All Better
by Gary B. Lundberg, Joy Lundberg, Joy Saunders Lundberg
Penguin Books, 2000

Make it clear that you have your friend’s happiness and well-being in mind and then gently ask her to think out loud with you about those parts of the future that she can’t foresee.

“How Women Decide” by Therese Huston
from How Women Decide
by Therese Huston
Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2016

Tell her clearly when she’s doing well or badly and when she has won or lost.

“Fundamentals of Game Design: Fundamentals of Game Design_2” by Ernest Adams
from Fundamentals of Game Design: Fundamentals of Game Design_2
by Ernest Adams
Pearson Education, 2010

If your friend comes to you for help and you cannot give it to him don’t turn him away with cold words, but with the words of cheer and comfort.

“Marcus Garvey Life and Lessons: A Centennial Companion to the Marcus Garvey and Universal Negro Improvement Association Papers” by Marcus Garvey, Robert Abraham Hill, Barbara Blair
from Marcus Garvey Life and Lessons: A Centennial Companion to the Marcus Garvey and Universal Negro Improvement Association Papers
by Marcus Garvey, Robert Abraham Hill, Barbara Blair
University of California Press, 1987

For your friend’s own good, let him or her talk freely about the loss.

“Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions” by James W. Pennebaker
from Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions
by James W. Pennebaker
Guilford Publications, 1997

Say that she should get up and start working, eat well—all her misgivings will disappear.’

“The First Promise” by Ashapurna Debi, Āśāpūrṇā Debī, Indira Chowdhury
from The First Promise
by Ashapurna Debi, Āśāpūrṇā Debī, Indira Chowdhury
Orient Longman, 2004

Gratefully accept the help and let your friend know in simple ways how much it means to you.

“Natural Health After Birth: The Complete Guide to Postpartum Wellness” by Aviva Jill Romm
from Natural Health After Birth: The Complete Guide to Postpartum Wellness
by Aviva Jill Romm
Inner Traditions/Bear, 2002

By describing to her what a good friend should be like, she will seek out deep connections as well.

“Black Women's Mental Health: Balancing Strength and Vulnerability” by Stephanie Y. Evans, Kanika Bell, Nsenga K. Burton
from Black Women’s Mental Health: Balancing Strength and Vulnerability
by Stephanie Y. Evans, Kanika Bell, Nsenga K. Burton
State University of New York Press, 2017

Alexia Lewis RD

Registered Dietitian Nutritionist and Certified Heath Coach who believes life is better with science, humor, and beautiful, delicious, healthy food.

[email protected]

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15 comments

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  • I hate when people say they are going to tell a teacher THAT DOESNT HELP if I show my scars it must mean I’ve talked to someone about it or I’m working on it

  • Depression!!!  I thinks its common now a days. In every 5 out of 1 people suffer from depression����, which will impact today’s humanity.
    For more info click https://gaurav271090.blogspot.com/2020/07/how-to-deal-with-depression.html?m=1

  • It’s all in your head.

    I get that a lot, but only from my Aunt, my mom is very understanding of my anxiety and is working with me to make it better.

  • I honestly have so many symptoms of depression. I’ve did so much research

    Yet because I have a much better childhood than most people, I tell myself I’m just being selfish.

    I’m not abused at home. My brother is mean, but I make things worse by arguing with him

    I’m not bullied at schools. I don’t have a problem with the law or alcohol.

    My parents have a good amount of money

    So what reason do I have to feel this way.

    I constantly say to myself whenever I have thoughts of suicide that I’m just being an insult to those who actually have depression. Or that I have no reason to feel this way and I’m just being selfish about my own problems and discontent.

    Once my mom did tell me when I did lose interest and motivation in school that it’s an insult to kids who actually need help in school considering I’m really smart and can do it easily.

    I do remember some things that do upset me that my family sad but it’s not full on abuse and I probably brought it on myself.

  • Just because you are depressed and maybe even feel suicidal, just before you think about anything, think about how people would react, how would they feel to know that you weren’t there anymore? Even if you weren’t that close to them, doesn’t mean they wouldn’t care. So next time you think about that, think about this comment, and think how other people would feel. And if you really need it here’s a free hug ��

  • I haven’t been diagnosed but I know for sure that I most likely have depression. The reason I haven’t been diagnosed is because I’m scared. I’m scared what others will think, I’m scared what others will say, I’m just scared. My friends know about how depressed I am and cutting and stuff but I’m scared to tell my nana. I have a feeling she’ll be understanding but she’s likely just going to have a talk with me then dismiss it. I don’t want to have a long talk with her, I just want help. I just want professional help.

  • Me: Dad, I’m having a panic attack!
    My Dad: No you aren’t, you don’t know what it’s like to have anxiety or panic attacks. Stop being an attention seeker.

  • Although i dont have depression and i do not want to say that i have because i dont want to but i heard this from my mother almost everytime i see her

  • Thank you so much for this video, and all your others but I love how you made this one for the loved one of a depressed person helping give ideas on how to get better, or at least make it better. ☮️����

  • What about “I’m / I’ll always be here for you” or “You can count on me”? I guess it would hurt alot more if the person who said that to you died due to an unfortunate event, and you might feel like your alone and lost hope…

    Please tell me your point of view in the replies, since I’m curious.

  • Something that I hate hearing is: Everyone feels this way.

    No everyone does not feel this way, and all you’re doing is making me feel worse

  • Depression for me: mood swings, suicidal thoughts, feeling like absolute sh!t, feeling hopeless, feeling sad, angry, feeling like a mistake, burden,etc.

    Depression for my mom: i WaSn’T aBLe tO bUy ThOsE jEaNs i’M sO dEpReSsEd

  • tbf my and some of my friends talk about what we use and stuff so ig it’s okay in that situation but when someone u don’t know asks then that’s not right

  • Idk why but it’s comforting to know this. My mom does all but two and all this time I’ve been feeling like I was too stubborn to take it correctly. She’s not trying to be harmful but I think that “there is nothing to worry about” and “I know what you’re going through” are the worst. Those phrases stick In my mind.

  • this was actually in our health book at school. It was about how to deal with depression and what NOT to say if people you know have suicidal thoughts.