Low Self-Esteem Be kind to yourself, nobody is ideal


Steven Hayes | The Art to Achieving Better Self-Esteem The Art of Charm Ep.#729

Video taken from the channel: Art of Charm


Comparing Yourself To Others, Loss of Self, Self-image and Not Feeling Good Enough

Video taken from the channel: Recovery Mum


Help! I don’t like myself because….

Video taken from the channel: Kati Morton


HOW TO STOP HATING YOURSELF (Simple Tips to Improve Self-Esteem)

Video taken from the channel: bignoknow


How to Love Yourself to the Core | Jen Oliver | TEDxWindsor

Video taken from the channel: TEDx Talks


[A] Be Kind To Yourself (self-worth issues)

Video taken from the channel: Rainy Day Audios


SELF LOVE Motivational Video

Video taken from the channel: HESMotivation

Maintaining a healthy and balanced self-esteem is an ongoing process that can help you feel better about yourself, your life, and be confident to try new things and stand up for what you believe. When you have low self-esteem, it can be like looking through negative glasses at your whole world. Low self-esteem can negatively affect virtually every facet of your life, including your relationships, your job and your health. But you can boost your self-esteem by taking cues from types of mental health counseling. Consider these steps, based on cognitive behavioral therapy.

Low self-esteem is characterized by a lack of confidence and feeling badly about oneself. People with low self-esteem often feel unlovable, awkward, or incompetent. According to researchers Morris Rosenberg and Timothy J. Owens, who wrote Low Self-Esteem People: A Collective Portrait, people with low self-esteem tend to be hypersensitive. They have a fragile sense of self that can easily be. Lastly, always be kind to yourself.

Were you surprised by these Low Self Esteem Examples? Check yourself and see if some of these apply to you. Some of us go through our entire life without noticing them. What other Low Self Esteem Examples can you think of? If you know other signs of low self-worth feel free to share it with us and we’ll be.

Low self-esteem can have harmful effects on your mental health, your decisions about your appearance and ultimately, your future. It’s not easy to like every part of the way you look, but getting stuck on negatives can really bring down your self-esteem. Other effects of low self-esteem include: You avoid difficult situations. Each time your brain conjures up a negative thought, put a positive spin on that thought.

Instead of beating yourself up over eating a second donut, resolve to walk for an extra ten minutes after work. Nobody is perfect and you need to realize that. Be kind to yourself.

Seven Golden Rules of Kindness to Improve Self-Esteem. Treat others how you like to be treated. Be kind unconditionally.

Be kind because you want to be kind. Do not expect anything in return and do not use kindness to get what you want. See the good in people, including yourself. Nobody is perfect but everyone has some good qualities. Self-esteem is something everyone suffers from in their life – some more than others.

Yet, few people know how to overcome low self-esteem or make any effort to learn to.Instead, most people tend to believe that every thought their mind tells them is the truth and thus let their negative thinking rule them. It can become increasingly difficult to maintain a perfect version of yourself, which can cause frustrations and feelings of low self-esteem, particularly when your social media image doesn’t match your real life one. Be kind to yourself and remember that not everyone truly. Don’t let low self-esteem steal your shine.

You have the power to be your best self in college and in life as a whole. Follow these tips to beat low self-esteem and develop your confidence. 1. Know Yourself. Too often we spend our lives trying to be someone else.

Everyone has unique talents and preferences.

List of related literature:

When we stop expecting ourselves to be perfect, we’ll discover the beauty in ourselves.

“The Language of Letting Go: A Meditation Book and Journal for Daily Reflections” by Melody Beattie
from The Language of Letting Go: A Meditation Book and Journal for Daily Reflections
by Melody Beattie
Hazelden Publishing, 2003

In fact, if you’re like many people who have low self-esteem, you may feel you must be perfect at everything.

“Self-Esteem For Dummies” by S. Renee Smith, Vivian Harte
from Self-Esteem For Dummies
by S. Renee Smith, Vivian Harte
Wiley, 2015

But what if a part of you doesn’t want to be perfect anymore.”

“Cloning Miranda” by Carol Matas
from Cloning Miranda
by Carol Matas
Fictive Press, 2016

But being aware of your imperfections is humility of the “imperfect” sort.

“The Cloud of Unknowing: A New Translation” by Carmen Acevedo Butcher
from The Cloud of Unknowing: A New Translation
by Carmen Acevedo Butcher
Shambhala, 2009

But what is self-perfection all about?

“The 8 Chapters of the Rambam: ” by Moses Maimonides, Yaakov Feldman
from The 8 Chapters of the Rambam:
by Moses Maimonides, Yaakov Feldman
Targum Press, 2008

Because there is no such thing as perfection, when you can embrace your “imperfection” as an aspect of your unique beauty, you’ll fall in love with yourself right now.

“Pleasurable Weight Loss: The Secrets to Feeling Great, Losing Weight, and Loving Your Life Today” by Jena la Flamme, Mama Gena
from Pleasurable Weight Loss: The Secrets to Feeling Great, Losing Weight, and Loving Your Life Today
by Jena la Flamme, Mama Gena
Sounds True, 2015

You can be perfect in some ways but still accepting of yourself and others as less than perfect in other ways.

“Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents” by Nina W Brown
from Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up’s Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents
by Nina W Brown
New Harbinger Publications, 2008

I don’t want to be perfect.

“Confessions of a Public Speaker” by Scott Berkun
from Confessions of a Public Speaker
by Scott Berkun
O’Reilly Media, 2009

There is no such thing as imperfection.

“The Heart of the Soul: Emotional Awareness” by Gary Zukav, Linda Francis
from The Heart of the Soul: Emotional Awareness
by Gary Zukav, Linda Francis
Free Press, 2007

We all know that there’s no such thing as being perfect — we all have flaws, we all make mistakes, and there’s always room for improvement.

“The Reality Slap: How to Find Fulfilment When Life Hurts” by Russ Harris
from The Reality Slap: How to Find Fulfilment When Life Hurts
by Russ Harris
Exisle Publishing Pty Limited, 2011

Alexia Lewis RD

Registered Dietitian Nutritionist and Certified Heath Coach who believes life is better with science, humor, and beautiful, delicious, healthy food.

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  • Sometimes I feel like God is trying to guide me through my YouTube suggestions


  • Thank you so much. Your channel has help me through my almost second year with several mental disordes which includes generalized anxiety, major depression and eating disorder non specific and some emotional trama and extreme low confidence and self esteem. I wish more channels were focus on mental health and how to become a better you, I hope you have a great day,

  • I cried,I’m not loving myself after watching this they cant make you insecure only you can believe it so stay strong love yourself for who you are don’t let anyone change you!!

  • I got the worst of these habits as i entered college. And what you said here really echoes these realizations and reinforces these positive habits. One thing I do is go to music to help me out me negative feedback loops. And speaking of, whats the name of the song you use in your intro?

    Edit: sorry for some reason the full text didnt post.

  • I’m thirteen and I made mistakes but learned from them and some of my family members don’t like me because of that I used to tell myself it’s my fault and I would say hurtful words for myself because they didn’t like me. I said sorry to one of them and they lied they said they forgive me but they would talk bad about me.but I am here and I don’t need anyone to love me but myself ❤️

  • You’re amazing. I need a video on therapy for the counselor. What do you do when you’re counselor doesn’t want to live. Also am looking for a video to help foster kids that never had real parents or anyone really in their lives. Suggests are welcome.

  • Aww you’re lovely sherhina as you are your a lovely sweet lady and very pretty I love watching you as I do value your videos they really help me as I’ve been there wanting me to be different as well but you’ve helped me and enabling my family now and friends where I’m coming from but tomorrow I’m going into the brain hospital to see how my brains going on as I have a serious illness with my brain well not life threatening but serious in itself.
    Thanks sherhina you take care and I’ll love watching you again as you are a lovely kind lady.X

  • I came here to say thank you to person speaking, to the person that posted this and the person that edited this..this video changed my life.i used to watch it like 2 years ago almost everyday when I was being emotionally bullied by my classmates…I started walking into class keep quiet and open my books and cut all the fake friends and I’m more happy now..so I just came to say thank you

  • This is my first exposure to ACT and Hayes. Thank you for the introduction!
    I’m glad he redefines values. I can see getting stuck there.
    The ‘clown suit in my head’ creates a massive guilt trip with Values and Goal Setting: “If you valued _ you would _ Since you never _ your values must not mean that much. Or if you do Value _ and don’t _, then you must be hopelessly: lazy, selfish, hopeless, undisciplined, etc.

  • I guess my problem is that it isn’t anybody else’s fault I hate myself I just hate myself like they didn’t do anything I just hate myself

  • Is Rotogenflux Methods effective to improve your IQ in a short period of time? We have read a lot of good stuff about this iq boost secrets.

  • Man. I started crying when he talked about family tearing u down. Like my mum always tears me down then when she sees how upset I am she then says nice things. It’s fake. I know it. She knows it. And she gets super upset saying she tries her best about something when no one is saying bad about it. It’s in her head and her negative mind set is making me have a negative one.

    I needed this video to recognise this. So THANK YOU

  • I can relate to that. But I really have health issues that I wanna get rid of. I have acne, keratosis pilaris, demaged hair, I gained weight. So I really have to do something. But I don’t know how I would feel if my body looks fine again.

  • Thank you����������.im learning how to love myself. I’m learning not to compare myself to others and treating myself badly anymore. I’m learning to avoid negativity and spread positivity. Listening to this will help, thanks so much. Keep going forward, you’re amazing

  • I hate my body, I always have, but this makes me love myself. For anyone reading this and seeing yourself, your wonderful. Love yourself take care of yourself you will never be perfect, but you can try to be better every morning

  • Note: I’m not a strongly religious person but I accept there could be something God like. I was raised catholic, saying oh lord is just a habit, honestly.
    You can write you own little pledge but here is mine:
    I’m not worthless.
    I’m scared of my differences.
    I’m shy.
    I can be rude and messy.
    I can be lazy and dumb.
    I’m not the most lovable person, but I’m still deserving of love and friendship.
    Please Lord forgive me for being so weak and easily manipulated, and for having no self confidence.

    Please Lord help me in extreme cases of self doubt, fear, low self esteem, and distrust because it can paralyze me.

  • This is so important. I love your videos! Watching your videos has become a part of my self care routine. What a gift! Thank you SO much!��

  • “People who literally dislike you…… without no trace they don’t f with you” You gotta respect yourself enough to continue on the path of life without company������

  • God got rid of all the abusive, mean, cruel, petty, and toxic people out of my life and I feel so much better. I’m feel great without them. No more psychic vampires.

  • Sticks and stones may break my bones but words never cause physical pain..instead..they do so much more damage than you can ever imagine…a person’s opinion about your value is zero..because your value..is 100%..nothing more or less..God made you perfect..

    *The happiest people..are the most hurt..
    The prettiest eyes..have shed the most tears..
    The most Outgoing person..has have gone through the most challenges..and lost..
    The most beautiful..has the most amount of insecurities*

  • As always, thank you for your helpfull video’s, dear Kati.:* I am kind of nervous to ask, but I am going to ask anyway.

    I was wondering if the feelings I have and the way I act during these cases are because of social anxiety or perhaps something else, cause before I taught it was just my personality but as I am growing older I am starting to feel the struggle in life with these feelings and bounderees because as we grow we have to become responsible and do stuff on our own and a lot of new things are being introduced in our lives.

    And so the last years it has been bothering me more then ever and I started to think about the moment when I was in 7th grade when my class teachers wanted me to go to the school counseler so badly because I did real good at school except for public speaking, that was on the other hand a disaster. And so they tought that it must be some kind of social phobia. I never went tho, because my parents didn’t believe in counselers, therapy and psychologists and mental issues in general. They must have taught that it will eventually grow away as I grow older but it is only growing bigger as I grow older.:'(

    The struggles I have on a day to day basis are the following:
    From being very young I didn’t have the balls to go interact with the other kids in my class and so it was until 3d grade that I had my first real friend. Everytime I am new somewhere I don’t make the first steps and so it could take me a while to make friends. One year I spent most of the time during the periods in the hallways.
    At the uni it was the same. At my studentjob it was also the same.
    I used to rehears public speaking for weeks in advance and still I used to skip it at the end. The last years I have been giving the presentation, but sometimes I feel my classmates are laughing at me or the things I am saying are stupid or nobody cares about the things I am sharing and so I stop in the middle of the presentation and randomly go site on my chair. That makes me even more nervous because I didn’t do the full presentation and so people are going to wonder and think I am weird or whatever.
    I do not order food and do not eat in public. I do not order food because people are going to judge what I bought and think it is stupid. I do not eat in public because I feel like I look weird while eating. Little background story: there was this good friend of mine and he used to tell me (we were 12 years old back then) that I look like a goat while eating and so I didn’t like eating in public anymore because people were going to judge me based off of that. I now even avoid eating in front of my parents and sister. But the problem is now that because I don’t eat in front of people keeping in mind I am naturaly very skinny everyone thinks I have an eating disorder. College’s, classmates, parents,… So I have to fors myself eating in front of some people to proove them that I ain’t anorexic, with all the respect to anorexic people obvisiouly.
    I do not go to party’s and events I am invited to. I always say that I am going to go and at the very last minute I make an excuse so that I don’t have to go. I actually don’t like this cause I don’t like lying like this. The problem with the parties is tho that I feel like I genuinly can’t breath in such crowded places. And because there are so many people that possibly can be judging me, I feel that I can’t controle the situation anymore. I also feel like when people are laughing, they are laughing about me. I also lack some social skills cause sometimes I don’t even know how to act in specific situations which will make me even look more weird. I even didn’t go to my 2 own graduating party’s and acted like I was sick or something like that.
    I don’t like having the attention on me. I remember in 3d grade one time I wasn’t allowed to go swimming because I was sick and so at my school we then have to go to another class while our class is having the swimming lesson and so they told me to go to the 6th grade. So I went there but didn’t have the guts to knock on the door so I stayed a while in the corridor and eventually went to the toilet because otherwise teachers were going to ask me what I was doing on my own in the coridor. Recently I was 10 minutes late for a lecture at my university and so I waited 50 whole minutes until the break came and I could enter without standing out in front of everyone.
    -I do not like speaking about myself, especially my feelings, cause I find this quite embarrassing. I am shitting my pants typing this down. I always was quite when we had like class conversations. Also one time a classmate asked what music I listen to and I was kind of brushing the question of because what if my music was childish or for old people or whatever? I feel real embareced crying in front people, so I just run away when I feel like I have to cry, but luckily I don’t cry that much.
    While sitting with my friends I feel like I am bothering them. I feel like I am waisting their time. I feel guilty being with them. Let alone start talking about myself while I am with them.
    I do not like shopping, cause I think that people are going to think I bought stupid stuff and I just get drained being in such crowded places for so long. And if I get in and don’t find what I wanted, I have to take something else because otherwise I think that they might think I stole something. One time I remember I bought something and the security alarm was going but nobody came so I just left the shop and the rest of the day I just taught that they knew me, they would follow me and soon will find me and put me in jail. I couldn’t sleep that night and felt so bad for something I didn’t even do. So the next day and again went to the shop and explained the situation and they said it was fine and that it was probably my computer and I just needed that affirmation to go on with my life cause that night was a nightmare. Also I feel like I am being to slow when I have to pay.
    Before going outside the house I rehears what I am going to say and go over a few scenario’s for example if an old lady asked me where… was, or if someone asked me the way how I would respond. One time someone asked me where th tram stops when we were in the tram and so I responded but boy boy boy… I was stuttering although I think my English is quite good and I was sweating, I had a dry mouth, I felt faint and nauseous. I was sweating so badly eventhough I took a shower that morning. Or how I am going to greet my friends although I try to just smile and that is all. I have that problem now at work where I genuinly want to say ‘Hi, ma’am or sir, welcome to our shop’ but thet words just won’t come out of my mouth, like I swear they are in my mind and everything but there is something holding me back from speaking those words. Or when I wan’t to ask a question in the aula, I just end up letting my friend ask it.
    Sitting in class makes me nervous so I would tap my foot and classmates would make comments which made me even more nervous.
    I hate taking appointments for myself. Or calling on the phone. When people call me I don’t respond unless it is my father.
    If I call I rehears and write down what I want to say before actually calling.
    When I am in the tram and people are laughing I feel they laugh about me.
    I don’t like singing in front of others. I one time got an F for not even attempting it.
    I hate eyecontact cause I feel that poeple are going to notice me going red and it is just too embarrassing to hold eyecontact for that long. I sometimes don’t make eyecontact with my parents.
    I do not like showing my own paintings and drawings cause I feel like people are going to have judgments about them.
    I always have this thing where I say really stupid stuff while being in the moment itself and later while I am analysing the situation I find better ways of putting the feelings I felt into words.Then I wish I woudl have said them like so. What I hate the most is I rehears that much and end up messing it up like today with my job interview. But anyway.
    I also apoligize afterwards for stuff I do cause I feel like I bothered the person by doing a cutain something.
    I have this problem were I can’t diffirantiate anymore between if people are truly laughing about me and judging me or not.
    I don’t like wearing colors that stick out cause I don’t like sticking out. I also am trying to wear appropriate clothes cause sometimes I feel people are seeing that I am wearing something to thick or thin for the weather.
    In the shop where I workcause I tought if I start to work there I will concurre some of my fears but it is so stressfull manI have to pack in stuff for gifts and I feel that I have to do that as fast as I can otherwise I am pissing the client off and I will be packing in and apologising at the same time for taking so long to pack in.
    I read a mail 1000 times before sending it.
    I always wear a ring to play with it while I am talking.
    -When I go to the restroom I feel like the other girls are going to hear me pee and judge the amount of pee I pee so I already flush the toilet and pee at the same time so that the others in the public restroom can’t hear.
    One time the bussdriver forgot to stop at my busstop and normaly people shout at him so that he can hear and stop but I just waited for the next busstop and got of the bus and walked all the way back.
    Sometimes I vomit in the morning when I am nervous for the day that will begin.

    Anyway, I could go on but these are the most repeatable situations I have. This whole thing is just time consuming, draining and exhausting. Does someone know what it is? Cause I think it is time to act upon it. Still nervous typing this. -_
    I also see now that I wrote a whole book, so excuse that. But I just wanted to get my feelings and experiences as good as possible across. Also, excuse my English, I ain’t a native speaker. Again, sorry for the whole book I wrote.

  • Can you do one one coming on too strong? Scary people away by intensely liking them? Do you struggle with obsession over being attracted to someone? Not in a relationship, but just desperately wanting someone to like you back

  • really relate to your videos. Im 19 and expecting my second child and alwaya find my BPD and body issues flare up so much more when pregnant but watching your videos makes me feel less alone with it. i know how much of a struggle it is daily so thankyou for being strong and making these videos x

  • Thanks Noknow! Something told me to clip on this video, haven’t check for you in a while. Music is and has always been my savior. Grew up Christian but not religious and Music has sustain me in a way my religion has not. So I thank you! And damn I need to vacation where you are. Lol it is gorgeous. Be well my friend!

  • man this almost put me i tears i have always seek wanted approval and acceptance of other people i never think about me i’ve always hated myself but this make me see things different

  • Hi, Katie! I enjoyed all your videos and it helped me a lot on coping up with anxiety and depression. How do we gain back our trust to ourselves when we do have big trust issue? #KatiFAQ

  • Shit we DID DO, like cosigning a loan for a now deviant nephew and being $60,000 in debt SIGH I feel like I’m being punished for being a nice person….
    LOL “This felt like granola”

    I’m trying EMDR for the next few months in therapy, it’s very interesting, it has helped even in “Normal life” and I am happy to have more tools in my coping kit:)

    This is a great video Noah, thank you:)

  • I’m having the worst two weeks of my life right now. It’s hard to take care of myself during this time, but that line about doing the best for my future self really makes me want to try. Even if it doesn’t necessarily happen tonight or tomorrow, I want to keep going, to get out of my bed, actually eat and drink something, and keep going with my life if only so my future self can thrive.

  • Kindness to myself I have troubles doing much to my friends like Gentleness to myself I can sorta do this sometimes, Self-love that went out the window when I started cutting.

    Self-hate I do every anxiety destroys any kind of social interactions depression ruins my class times cause I have no motivation.

    But when I am sitting in my room yelling hateful things at myselfa friend sent me this video since he knows I enjoy asmr.

  • LOL I have the same experience but am flat chested! This coincides with my jealousy over my current boyfriend’s ex, who I feel my boyfriend loves more who has a better boobs, and wears tons of makeup, etc




  • Kati, I love your youtube vids and all but girl, you need to start creating podcasts so I can tune in when I’m working out or driving to/from work!!!!!! PLEASE CREATE A PODCAST FOR YOUR CHANNELLLLL!!!!! PLEASEEEEE, I’m begging you:'(

    kthnxbaiii (lots of love!! <3)

  • Great video. Thank you Noah, I learn so much from your videos. You are so real which makes your words really so impactful bc you aren’t pretending to have it all together every day. Plus, your videos always pop up exactly at the perfect time for me. Thanks again for your work on these videos. I really appreciate you.

  • I have a friend who I kno has BPD even tho she has been falsely diagnosed with bipolar…EVERYTINE we will go to the mall she has to buy EVERYTHING I buy…she has to constantly wear what I wear…..sometimes it’s flattering but sometimes it gets to b too much

  • This is so beautiful. I’m currently at the hospital and have to stay here for a few days, because I had a surgery, a really sudden one since we didn’t know that it was such an emergency. Since that was very stressful and a side effect of the medication I’m on is “Depression”, I really felt bad (especially about myself) and cried basically the whole day today. But this video helps so much. Your voice calms me down and the words you say make me feel motivated and really happy. I’m really thankful for that, I don’t know how I would get through the days here without the peace and rest that I get from your videos. I just really wanna give you a big warm hug, because I’m so so thankful and I wanna give you the same nice feelings like you give others. Is that weird? �� I hope you get my point. Thank you so much, really. <3

  • Thank you rainy
    You are doing such an amazing job ; helping us get through our insecurities
    You deserve every good thing in life ❤❤

  • Woke up this morning and all I could think of were my past mistakes and people who have a more successful life than I have (well, what is success?). Your video made me realize that things can be different. Thank you.

  • Welp fuck I’m crying now. Thank you for this, Rainy. I’ve gone through a bunch of therapists for like 7 years and none of them have told me to do this sort of thing.
    Not sayin I’m gonna depend on your audios as an alternative, but it sure as hell does help.

  • Dear Katie! I hate myself! I grew up as an adopted child; I have been adopted by the age of 8 and before that I was in two children center and in lots of care families. When I finally got adopted, I could never do something right for my Mum! As I grew older I wasn’t even allowed to touch the washing maschine or the oven etc. I wasn’t even allowed to learn how to handle financial things,cause my Mum had all the power and she thought I would break the washing maschine and wouldn’t be able to learn how to deal financial things anyway. And til this day, I am 42 now, I can’t do anything right in her eyes! I talked to her on the phone again,after a two month break. I wanted to tell her that I am in real health danger,cause of the mistake my therapist did with my medication and that I am in real danger and have to take care of myself really,really good cause stress, too much activity could kill me and I have a broken heart syndrome! She understood nothing! It was all about her and how badly I treat her if I don’t talk to her or pull of my phone so she can call me! After this talk with her on the phone, I became a heartbeat like a Formula 1 car and had breathing problems. Then I was making my fiances bed and I passed out! I was lucky though,cause I passed out on the matrasse of his bed,but it could have ended very dangerous for me if I for example fell with my head on the corner of his bed. I was totally alone and he just came back from work at about 10:45pm and it happened about 3pm. How can I learn to love myself, when I was being told my whole life I can’t do anything right??? I fight, but more often than not I loose! Do you have any advice for me,dear Katie? I would highly appreciate it! Be blessed in all you do! Love from me, Manuela, to you dearest Katie! Take care! <3 <3 <3

  • Does Rotogenflux Methods (google it) help me increase my IQ of 22 points? I notice many people keep on speaking about this intelligence boost program.

  • I love you Kati(not in a creepy weirdo on the internet kind of way). More like a, I need your advice on a daily basis kind of way.

  • this is great cause i think lots of people want to love themselves but they don’t know how. I also think that there is a lot of misinformation out there on how to do it. Thanks for this video Katie ��

  • well i have to wait until 2019 to get my dream job but i do have a new power i can share so that should help me out a bit

    thx for this ha bisky vid i love these videos so much telepathic communication is so awesome TYT has proof i have it i even tried to contact them when i was in section 12 but the single gets blocked very easily and it sucks its why i have a hard time hearing my cousin when he was trying to use it on me when he was in a similar situation

    i am just happy to know when i got out i did annoy them and that was payback (i interrupted ana while she was having dinner with her husband) if she didnt want me to do that she shouldnt have been in on marcs plan

  • its so weird for me to find people that felt all of the sames things i do. for so long ive felt like i was the only one who knew what was happening to me. It sucks anyone else has felt/feels all these horrible feelings but at least im not alone.

  • My favourite thing you said is the affirmation which says I’m ok just the way I am right now. Don’t need to add anything.
    I try affirmations a lot but they don’t seem to work.. I’m unfortunately in a situation where everyone around me is doing great in life except for me. Comparing doesn’t make things easier.. and it gets harder when you’re a (single) parent teaching your child how to be happy and how to not compare themselves to others when secretly you do.

  • Thank you Noah, for creating this message of positivity that is not only uplifting and encouraging, but that is also grounded in reality and actionable advice.

    Also, the fact that this video was endorsed by a representative of the mighty Seagull Empire is impressive. You should be proud.

    (I mean, they don’t send send out their official ambassadors for just ANYONE, you know?) ����

  • I don’t even know what love feels like anymore.. I feel like I’m stuck in a hole of self-hate and depression.. Her words brought me to tears.. it sounds like great ideas but I still don’t know how to make myself feel better.. thank you though!

  • MY friend was talking negative things about herself and I said don’t say that about my best friend she is amazing in my life so I shared this vid with her

  • Self-love is the #1 thing I appreciate the video! I discuss the same idea in the last video in my channel, from a parenting context. I hope videos like ours really inspire people to prioritize self-love!

  • ….Damn it.
    It really is super hard for me to believe something like this. ��

    <.< >°>; However, I do hear you….And:
    Helllloooooo REM cycle affirmation! �� sneaks audio onto my otherwise innocuous sleeptime playlist, so that I’ll hear it when I’m not awake or lucid enough to reject it properly. ��

  • I prolly have the lowest self esteem ever. I don’t like myself at all. i don’t like how i look, how i dress, how i talk, i hate everything about me.

  • I felt better after hearing this��
    I kept shivering cause your words hit me too hard like damn I didn’t realize that I actually deserve things.

  • I love you, yes I don’t know who are you
    But l love you
    bcz when people can hate someone they don’t then I can love a stranger too ❤️

  • I feel like my parents are not loving me enough, they are expecting me to be a good student in school. They dong care about my goal and passion, they only want me to study. This is my problem with my parents. They are my fear. If I get low Mark’s, my mind and heart will br super nervous, I get thoughts like “my mom is gonna kill me”
    Why am I feeling like this?

  • I went to a therapist a few times and eventually went to a med eval to get medicated. The lady that was prescribing the meds to me basically told me that the way I feel is my fault. I tried to view that in a positive way but I can’t bring myself to go back. In a sense she’s right. I don’t have any trauma that I know of and so I should be fine. I don’t know what’s wrong with me

  • What therapies like ACT get wrong, demonstrated by a simple recipe for happiness.
    Essential to all psychotherapies is the principle that core affect (feeling bad or good) is dependent upon restructuring what one thinks about, or the ‘normative’ aspects of experience. However, for the field of affective neuroscience, core affect is instead dependent upon ‘how’ one thinks, or the ‘abstract’ aspects of experience. If this is true, then the personal control of positive affect can effectively bypass psycho-therapeutic interventions and make ‘happiness’ simply a matter of rearranging abstract aspects of one’s perceptual world. The virtue of this approach is its simplicity, predictive power, and testability, so it has a low shelf life if wrong. An exemplar of this is a ‘recipe for happiness’ proposed below.

    In affective neuroscience, it is well known that behaviors that involve continuous high and positive act/outcome discrepancy (gaming, gambling, creative work) correspond to elevated dopaminergic activity and a feeling of arousal, but not pleasure. However, for many individuals engaging in similar activity, a feeling of pleasure is also reported, but only when their covert musculature is inactive (i.e., a state or rest). Because relaxation activates opioid systems, and tension inhibits them, it is postulated that dopaminergic activity stimulates opioid activity, but only during resting states.
    This hypothesis can be easily tested and is described in greater detail below. If correct, it will demonstrate for the first time that elevated and sustained arousal and pleasure, or ‘eudaemonia’ or ‘happiness’ can be induced easily through simple modifications of abstract perceptual properties of behavior that anyone can easily do throughout the day.

    Opioid and dopamine systems represent bundles of neurons or ‘nuclei’ in the mid brain that are respectively responsible for the affective states of pleasure and attentive arousal, and sub-serve the neural processes that govern motivation.
    Eating and drinking, having sex, and relaxing or resting all activate opioid systems, whereas the anticipation or experience of positive act-outcome discrepancy (or positive surprises or meaning) activate dopamine systems.
    Taking our pleasures increases our attentive arousal, and increasing our attentive arousal accentuates our pleasure. If these systems are concurrently activated both are accentuated or affectively ‘bootstrapped’, as both pleasure and attentive arousal will be higher due to their synergistic effects.
    As characterized by the well documented ‘flow response’ (pp.82-86), consistently applied contingencies that elicit pleasurable resting states and consistent attentive arousal result in self-reports of heightened pleasure and energy. This emotional experience can be easily replicated by simultaneously applied contingencies that elicit rest (mindfulness protocols) and meaning (imminent productive behavior and its uniform positive implications). To achieve complete rest and accentuate positive affect, these contingencies must be applied for periods of at least a half hour or more. Just as one sets meditative sessions to last for a set time period and frequency to be effective, so mindfulness and meaning sessions must be similarly arranged, with cumulative sessions if possible charted to provide proper feedback of efficacy. Finally, the intensity of positive affect will scale to the importance or salience of moment to moment meaningful behavior, with the more meaningful the task the higher the pleasurable affect.
    Affect is as much an aspect of how information is arranged as what information is, or the abstract rather than normative properties of behavior. It follows that as a positively affective state, happiness is not just a product of what we think, but how we think, and derives not only from our pleasures but also from our incentives. Positive incentives can accentuate those very pleasures that we wish to maximize, and conversely, associated pleasure will increase the ‘appetitive value’ or ‘liking’ of incentives (or in other words, increase the value of productive work), and all sustained by simple choices within our grasp, as is ultimately happiness itself.
    I offer a more detailed explanation in pp. 47-52, and pp 82-86 of my open source book on the neuroscience of resting states, ‘The Book of Rest’, linked below.
    This above book is based on the research of the distinguished neuroscientist Kent Berridge of the University of Michigan, a preeminent researcher and authority on dopamine, addiction, and motivation, who was kind to vet the work for accuracy and endorse the finished manuscript.
    Berridge’s Site
    Meditation and Rest
    from the International Journal of Stress Management, by this author

  • I love chocolate hagandaz ice cream and your right. I ate a half a gallon of belgium chocolate ice cream two pints of chocolate chip ice cream and one pint of chocolate gelato in one week and I didn’t put on a pound, loving it, so your right, ha ha

  • Call me a religious zealot, but this self love talk is a disease, we as people are the problems of this world but we have Christ that loved us so much that he died for our sins. Self-love is temporary in this disordered world, just my 2 cents.

  • I just found your channel. I have been dealing with intrusive thoughts since 2008. I was able to overcome it as I just kept moving forward (hard as hell) but I relapsed in 2015 after watching a scene in a movie that brought all those thoughts back. Since 2015, I’ve been on and off (2016 good, 2017 not so good, 2018 good, and so on). My main issue is that even when Im not obsessing over thoughts, my brain gets into emergency mode, I get anxiety and the anxiety causes me physical pain. Have you experienced this? Anyhow, thanks for your videos. Im going to keep looking into your older videos. I have never looked for help, but I’m more open to do so. Do you have any advice on how to start looking for help? Thanks again. What you are doing is great!

  • Where’s the shame for our people
    Dying in the streets by the millions and/or
    Living out of cars? I know body shame is a thing but it seems indulgent to me. If you want to go to true heart core go to the love for all we were born with and adopt a person into your family that’s been ejected from theirs—a homeless person. You’ll learn a lot more about love and yourself that way.

  • For whoever reads this✨: You are worthy. You are smart. You are capable. You are beautiful. You matter. You freaking rock! Now go spread your magic light��✨�� This is a sign, follow your heart, be your awesome self, the world needs just you�� ps. small youtuber here✨��

  • Know your value before it’s too late. Yeah they say it’s never too late. The more time you take the more hard it’ll become. So, make sure you look after yourself. Fck negative people’s opinions. Have a way to operate and everything is going to be fine. I am the greatest person ever. Be positive.

  • I do love myself. I got surgery recently so I had to take a break for a while. I’ve been being independent, taking care of myself, getting back in shape, going to the gym & working out. My body is the skinny and athletic type and I’m happy in my own skin. Every woman in the world should have the belief she is beautiful and love yourself more. Don’t let anybody weather partners or not tell you any differently. If they do, kick them to the curb. You are enough as you are.

  • I have problems with my GF about this, she really hates herself and I am trying to say that you just have to face it and understand what is it that you hate about yourself and then just try to do something opposite about it. Constantly repeating that it’s not something that would happen on a snap, it will take time, but it requires dedication. I once got out of it myself…mostly I have gotten out of problems just by myself, like overcoming the wishes of suicide at early age in secondary school times, I thought about many “what if” scenarios, about to whom I would matter, but then I figured and thought about reasons not to do it, because I had this thing at even younger age, that I do not want to hurt others because I dislike the pain that others are causing me, thus I do not want to cause same pain to anyone else, because I understand it. Probably that set of mind was what restricted me of actually committing suicide. Then I realized, that my mom loves me, all the things she has done, and if I would die, what would she do then? What would relatives do? I couldn’t just do it and then I quit thinking about it, I just tried to survive it all and was thinking about finishing and getting out of that school, that was my motivation to survive, but I wasn’t motivated enough to get through studies, so I got through it in…a bit different ways so to say, looking for reasons to skip exams etc. which I did with the help of therapists and doctors.

    After that, everything went up little by little. It was the school that gave me depression, anxiety issues, traumas, hate, all the negative bullshit, I blame my class mates and educational system, because I was bullied. I still am affected by it all, or…not affected but I still have those scars, I still have depression, I still feel anxiety for almost everything, or maybe not everything, but one of those are social anxiety definitely, but I am trying slowly to go through it, figuring it all myself. I literally came up myself with these solutions or facts that currently I stumble upon you mentioning in these videos, about looking for things that make me feel better, because I don’t want to feel like shit, it’s tiresome, it’s not helping.

    Where my GF is pretty stubborn about it, maybe a bit ignorant, thinking that she is falling down more and more, all sorts of depressing things going on (which I can see actually and are not self-demotivational, imagined in head things, but actually having hard times right now), she feels she doesn’t deserve the kindness I and her friends are giving her, and doesn’t feel a need to become better, because she thinks that a “shit” like her is not worth the effort of becoming better, that she just doesn’t want it. The problems always lie in the fact that you, as a person, you do not want to do something, but you have to tell yourself that you want to do it, you need to do it, you have to do it in order to begin trying, or at least begin from the fact, that you are self aware of these issues and then figuring that it’s just bad to have these issues and should be dealt with and fought off of them. But she is very caring for others, she is trying her best to do something good for others, just…I wish she would do the same to herself.

    I am trying my best, and I want to help her as much as I can, trying to talk sense into her and hoping I am doing it properly, or right in order to not lead her to wrong path or hate me, or push me away. Personally I have anxiety from being rejected, so that’s my fear of pushing people, since I have met a lot of stubborn people that become arrogant when someone is trying to push their boundaries when trying to talk sense into them. I am sharing lots of relatable your kind of videos to her, and those TEDx videos as well where people are talking from experience. But she just have her opinions and thinks she is more…”special kind” of person by probably imagining that there is no solution to her problems, but I am dedicated in showing her that she is wrong about it all, but only if she allows me to by sticking by my side, because my meaning of live is to live for someone else, so I am dedicating myself to that one person.

    Plus, she feels guilt as well, and responsible for something, almost everything, she hates her just that much. She had a rough childhood, and I understand it.
    Personally I do not hate myself, but I have my issues as well that I am trying to overcome, turning from ugly duckling into a swan or something like that, so I can bare the guilt, carry the weight of her problems, because I know, or I think I know that I can absorb it and turn into something better, where for her the problem carrying idea is…problematic, she doesn’t know how to convert it, or something like that, because of all the issues and self hatred she has.

    Is there maybe someone with similar experience that you could suggest additionally?

  • This was an awesome amazing message. Didn’t sleep again but today I will accept where I am and try to be gentle with myself. Maybe I can sleep today after I do affirmation and journal. Thanks so much for the video.

  • Ya know -I hate to respond you are a perfect person and ne like me. I worry about you. I Pray for you. It’s now 1/2/20 and I do t have it figured out bit ima start. I think your amazing. You need to stop. Jist stop. Makes me sick ima hug u when I see you –

  • Thank you 4 everything you post Noah mental health issues is very serious but we will overcome this evil that try’s 2 keep us down I love you guys all of you and Please love your self……..

  • When I sent a message saying “im depressed” I immediately saw 1111 beside that message. And here I am after crying so bad my throat hurts to the point i cant speak

  • 4:35. You’re definitely not bad looking in a straight males opinion. I think you look better than me by 70% so id say to women you are handsome

  • I love you bro I’ve been struggling with alcohol my whole life, and just listening to you talk about your mental health and struggles helps so much. You don’t understand the impact you have on a lot of people’s life’s man. Thank you so much ♥️

  • Making a pact with myself. I am practicing self love and my self worth to become better and do better. I am manifesting and claiming the steps that Jen said to practice and I will do. I receive it! ❤️����✨

  • My therapist asked me a question and I answered with “because I don’t like myself” she said she knew “I knew you’d say that” she told me what you’ve said here. Just let the thoughts pass, don’t obsess over it.

  • Thank so much for these videos. I stumbled upon your channel a few days ago and it’s so healing to know others have been through and go through the same things, and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I would really love to know how you got access to DBT? I’m just about to finish a 16 week program of CAT therapy, which has been so helpful. However, because I’m currently single (and have been for two years) I’ve not addressed some of the issues I have relating to romantic relationships. I know they will crop up again if I let anyone else in. Anyway, thanks again so much and sending love to you.

  • I once ever had this kind of thought when people around me being supportive towards me even friends that I’m not that close with. I started questioning, did I deserve this? They were so genuine but I felt like I might disappoint or hurt them someday and break that trust because I was not as good as they thought I was. I was glad that I could talk about this to my best friends and they reassured me that I deserved it and everything would be fine. Thank you so much for the reminder, Rainy:)

  • thank you so much for what you do, I didn’t realize that other people have it the way i do too.. Im a 19 year old male and im about to become a Dad on Oct 18th so I’m quite worried as to how my mental heath could effect my baby over the years to come… but after watching a few of your videos you have awoken something in me that I have thought to have died a while ago, thank you sooo much for sharing! please never stop, I think this could really help a ton of people.

  • I really love the idea of thanking mind & body. It’s something I’ve been thinking of trying for a while because it will help me to cope with a long-term health condition I’m currently battling.

  • I have recently just started to follow some of your videos. I recently broke up with a man that I love who struggles with alcohol. It is so nice to see you looking happy and healthy. These videos help others out there. Thank you.

  • We all hate somethings about what we done and ourselves and we need to forgive ourselves. Enjoy your vacation and keep on the right path.

  • hi noah you’re really a positive person and i think you deseve only the best from the life. I saw a few videos of your channel and i say to you never give up my friend. Depression has been a great enemy of mine and anxiety is my actual faithful companion and often i suffer panic attacks but I’m fighting like a warrior because you gave me energy to go ahead and for that i thank you buddy.������������������������������������������������������������������������✌✌✌✌✌✌✌✌��������������������������������������������������������������������������������������Anyway you’re in an excellent shape and your efforts will be rewarded for helping other persons. Believe me bro. I will continue to follow you on your youtube channel and my support is all for you my friend. I appreciate you for what you’re doing here. Much respect.

  • Humans are the only creatures removed enough from God (your source in whatever way works for you) to hate ourselves. Even roaches don’t hate themselves. If you can read this, you are closer to God than you give yourself credit for. Definitely closer than a roach. ��
    Love yourself as is today. You were built for it. You deserve it. I love you. ♥️����

  • I really appreciate what you’re doing and you helped me in deciding to go on trt. 3 weeks ago, my doctor started me off at 200 mg a week of testosterone cyp. The first week I felt great, had tons of energy and about mid way through the second week I started feeling lethargic. From your experience, do you have any thoughts on why this is happening?

  • I need help please tell me how to get in a psychiatric hospital before I give up my battle with bullies, being transgender, depression, OCD, Cyclothymia, social anxiety and self esteem issues I can’t take this world anymore. I won’t to die. Then no one will worry about me and no one will. I mean it’s not like anyone loves me anyway. My mum doesn’t believe in mental illness. My dad think all trans people are freaks and should be institutionalised. I can’t talk to my brothers about anything because they hate me. My half sister has her own family to worry about without me adding to the pile. Both my grandads are dead. my grandad in law works for Samaritans so it makes it harder to tell him. My grandma lives nowhere near me. My mums side of the family live nowhere near me. My dads side of the family are to old school. And my cousins live abroad. PLEASE HELP ME IM DESPERATE!! From a suicidal thirteen year old boy that no one loves.

  • Recently found your channel and your videos seem to give me a bit of relief. I have struggled all of my life and I’m to a point where I am just exhausted. I really have realized how insignificant I am in the grand scheme. I feel very alone and in the darkness right now and a few points that you made in your videos have really made sense to me. Thank you

  • Not sure how to be kind to myself. A few months ago, before my 53rd birthday, I got my diagnosis of Asperger’s Tendencies. Suddenly, my entire life makes sense, from nobody wanting to be my friends, to not getting or keeping the job, to the various scam artists who took me for a ride, to my physically and psychologically abusive ex-wife.

    While the past makes sense, the future makes no sense, because there IS NOT a cure for Asperger’s Tendencies, that thing which gets in the way of EVERYTHING that I need to do if I am going to survive in the modern age as a supposedly self-sufficient adult.

    I can’t baby myself, when I’m a walking shit show.

    What do “close friends” say? I wouldn’t know. Never had any.

  • I watched a video you did about depression and thought about when I was at the gym it helped me get through my whole day thanks friend

  • There is a stillness, a peacefulness I see in you…it’s Grace…. I’m so in awe with your commitment of of enhancing the you you always were… your a beautiful spirit my love…blessed that your in my life����❤️����. Your mama

  • I know exactly why I don’t like myself. In my mind I am very critical of myself (weight, wrinkles, baldness, flabby body, awkward interactions…). I wear an emotional mask so that other people only see me in a positive way. I am not genuine or authentic. If people knew who I really was, they would not like me. I am clever but I am not very smart. I’m ugly and I have to make up for that by exercising my body. I eat too much and if I didn’t exercise so much I would be fat, ugly, awkward and selfish. I have been trying to find good things to focus on so I can start liking myself. I seem to be able to easily like other people even when they do bad things but I cannot do the same for myself. I’m weird.

  • Might be a bit off topic.
    But the title made me think about a bit what I have gone through.
    It has taken me 9years to love myself. Talking to someone her advice was “it has nothing to do with you, something they wish they had”.
    Going back nine years when I first met my husband’s sister the first thing she said was about how beautiful his ex is, ect. After five years together I found out his mom and sisters never wanted my husband to marry me.
    Short story I learned to stand up for myself. I quit tolerating there behavior-ex excluding our boys, they go to the park, zoo, ect.
    I took them off mt FB page, no contact (for the most part), ect.
    Slowly I am healing.

  • i hate thinking oh i’m just acting jealous. I hate living. I want to believe I am enough so bad but time after time again nothing goes right. You learn from it but NOTHING CHANGES. My two bestfriends in the entire world hang out everyday without me and never invite me. I tell them all the time just because I don’t live by you doesn’t mean I can’t hang out. They still don’t invite me. It makes me feel worthless and like they don’t even actually like me. My sister went to the mental hospital and was there for just under a month for the second time and the whole time no one asks me if i’m okay. I think about it all the time that the average cost of a funeral is 7000. My dad doesn’t have the money to even give me a funeral. I could easily go in my kitchen and overdose on pills right now. I don’t because of that. There is something deep down that keeps me from doing it. I hate it here. No one really cares. I have a lot of friends but my mind doesn’t realize that. I am desperate for validation and i don’t get it. I just want SOMEONE TO LOVE ME. My mom chooses my stepdad that abuses her over me and my sister. My dad has severe depression and comes crying in my room a lot. I have friends but it’s the fact that i’m no ones first choice that makes me want to stop everything. I want something to motivate me. I want someone to say I’m their favorite. I just want everything to go away. Maybe it will. I’m more confident that I won’t make it another year than I am I’ll get a 30/100 on my math test.

  • I always thought being a chameleon was normal… Until now.. Haven’t been diagnosed yet but I have many symptoms. I have no clue who I am. I also don’t know where to even start with that.. Ugh I’m a mess!

  • trying to find the right channel, so far i am really liking this (love misdirection humor, not sure why). I am going to try this. Thank you,

  • Spot on Noah. Self discipline is key to feeling good about yourself. If you don’t have self discipline and you know you should, you’ll feel guilty and then start with self sabotage. It then becomes very difficult to pull yourself out of that hole.

  • I love �� Me

    -Take Care Of Body
    -Be Committed To The Ambitions & Passions You Want
    -Read/listen to motivated videos/Make Time For God & You
    -Be True to Yourself & Serve God & Find Happiness with yourself & god

  • hey luv,question: when did you start changing and appreciating yourself as is? you come off as confident now which is brilliant,i do wanna start dpd therapy, i looked into it and it looks interesting, especially the “focus on the moment” aspect of it! x

  • Got me right in the heart and made me cry and smile all at once ❤ Amazing audio and such a beautiful way of reminding each of us that we’re worthy too ❤ I loved this Rainy, thank you so much. Going to keep this one close by ����

  • I’m going through one of the worst times of my life. Thank you Noah for always being there. Your videos bring a lot of comfort to those who need it the most. Thank you so much

  • How does one learn to forgive himself? If I am broken since childhood does that mean I will have to suffer for the rest of my life? Sometimes things that you have no control of happen and you can only react (such as tragedies), how do you get pass that if that directly affected you and you hate your guts because of it even if you did everything you could? You wonder why not me instead of him?

  • thank you for this video kati! i was wondering if you have any tips for positive self-talk in situations where you’re trying to get yourself to do something that you’ve been putting off or should have already done (ex. things with deadlines)? i struggle a lot with encouraging myself to work on necessary tasks without thinking negative thoughts, especially since i find setting goals for myself without being responsible to an outside person to be nearly impossible.

  • Definitely want to write this comment because I remember myself struggling with the same problem, and I know why this tips may seem unhelpful for some people. I remember how I hated hearing those and that’s why: When you don’t love yourself and try to follow these advices like, for example “try to speak with yourself in a more kind way”, you do so, but feel like you are lying to yourself. Because it’s like you are pretending to be kind, while actually wanting to say some bad things about yourself still. And that’s logical. Because you don’t love yourself. So by changing your speaking with yourself you just remove the symptom, but the problem is that you don’t feel like loving yourself. So I would recommend instead to define what love is for you. And why can’t you feel it while thinking about yourself.
    And another thing is: when we speak negatively with ourselves, usually it’s a coping mechanism. We don’t born with this kind of relationship with ourselves but we may learn it. Maybe one day we felt rejected by someone, who told us those things. And in order to not feel left, abandoned and overwhelmingly lonely, while being “bullied” like that by someone, we may had decided: “hey! If I think that they are right, I will be one of them, and that will mean I will be a part of a team, so that will mean I won’t be rejected!”. So when talking like that we actually betray ourselves, because we are afraid to be hated. “if the killer wants to kill me, but I kill myself first, the killer will love me, because I made his wish come true” sort of that logic.
    So by saying all of that I actually mean that making sure why you wanna hate yourself is more important than forcing your hatred go away. Because what we resist persists, you know.
    And the last thing I wanna say is: if you are watching this video, that means you actually love yourself already. Because you feel like you have this problem and you want to solve it in order to feel better. So it means you care about yourself. And with that being said I wish everybody to feel better and solve everything that you’re struggling with right now. I know that you will be ok:) love you all ��

  • Gracias por compartir.interesante tema.hay que tener bien claro a qué aspiramos,hay que anotar lo que queremos,ponerle fecha,hora y lugar,color y visualizar que ya lo logramos,disfrutarlo y lo más importante agradecer que ya lo logramos.amate y creé en ti.

  • Rainy is the best human being I know! �� this is such a wonderful, well thought out and nicely delivered audio. I think we all need a reminder to be respectful, forgiving, caring, and gentle with ourselves and others. This reminded me to feel warm and positive about self care and it reminded me to just be nicer to myself and other people. Yeah it’s just a really great audio. ��

  • But a lot of videos on youtube says “Sometimes, having low self-esteem is just good common sense”, ” social anxiety is just a bad attention seeker and snap out of it” and even a little self-love is narcissist, what do I do now, every time I tried to self love these pop up to my mind.

  • I can identify with this so much. it’s like wearing a mask and just waiting to be “found out”. I have felt like this most of my life. It leaves you wondering how other people do it and how it comes so naturally. How did you build your self esteem from rock bottom to where you are now?
    As always I admire you for doing this and making people with BPD realise they are not alone. much love xx

  • Warning: This audio contains subjects that may be difficult or confronting to you and may cause you to become emotional. It is unlikely to be triggering per se, but it does involve challenging your beliefs about yourself and revisiting difficult times. This audio isn’t a relaxing or comforting one, it’s a gentle push to make positive change in how you think and how you treat yourself. You need to be in the right mindset for this, and it’s okay if you currently aren’t. You can come back and listen when you’re feeling up to it.

  • Those people who don’t treat us well do not get a free pass, just because we may have low self esteem. Anyone with an ounce of compassion will not mistreat someone with low self esteem. Rather, they will try to help build that person up and show them that they are of worth.

  • I dont like myself because I can not drive and I am 25, I tried to learn with an instructor and any time i did that i would get anxiety and my hands would start to tremble and i would freeze.

  • Doesn’t matter how you look, FEEL good with your body, tell yourself how amazing you are and replace your thoughts that say you are worthless with self loving thoughts. you are NOT worthless you are amazing simply because you exist, you deserve love from yourself not because you look a sirten way, but simply becase you exist. choose to love yourself looks no matter how you look, the only matter is how you feel
    i believe in you! ♥️

  • Completely relevant to what I recently discovered how I combat insecurity! Thanks for this video!:D
    This is what I wrote to someone:
    “I just thought of a new way to battle insecurity!

    Instead of trying to stay calm and act natural in situations that trigger anxiety, just try and embrace and be comfortable with who you are instead, including your awkwardness.
    Mentally these two things have two different effects: trying to stay calm makes you anticipate a response from the audience of a certain judgement, and if you don’t receive a judgement, you’re fine;
    Being comfortable with yourself is just accepting yourself, including flaws, and the only thing that’s important to you is your inner judgement you lay down on yourself when you screw up and try to gain external validation.”

  • My society didn’t talk about this thing, when u tried to have conversation with them..they will said, stop complaining bla bla bla rather then be open and talk about it..till now, i hate my life so much..and tried suicide once, really tired of all these drama..hate it so much, i realize that the things that i really want right now is how to be happy..and what happiness is truly is

  • I hate myself, like really REALLY hate myself. I cut myself, I’m ugly, stupid, mess up everything, I mean I get anxious in situations i shouldnt and I know it’s a disorder but I haven’t gone to a doctor so I’m not diagnosed. I’m also not disgnoesed for my depression. Idk I feel like I’m fine because I don’t have a diagnosis, but I’m not fine.

  • Watching your vid…”Youre Definitely Pretty, (I know youre just making a video, but I fantasise of having a British lady friend like you, (as a child I would try to mimic the accent as much as I could by watching Dr Who, or Benny Hill etc.
    The Music video comes to mind by Sophie Hawkins,.. “Daamm, Wish I Could Be Your Lover”, don’t want to make you hate this suscriber, or think I’m a jerk male (But..Damn) Just funin ya mate��
    “talking about mimicking orhers, (this was my mimicking).
    Love your videos, I watch often keep doing what you do…Sweet Lovely!

  • Awww the seagull reminded me of one of my favorite stories “Jonathan Livingston Seagull ” by Richard Back I highly recommend it and it’s mssg reminds me of you.

  • One of the reasons I don’t like myself is because how I am with all relationships and socializing. It’s not what you say but how you say it and how you handle what others say. But sometimes you’re really just not in the mood to add the whole “I’m sorry I’m just feeling under a lot of pressure and too much emotion right now and I would like to talk about this when I’m in a better mood” instead of “I don’t want to talk about it ” angrily and that one little sentence from you can create a whole shit tornado storm.

  • Thank you very much for this audio. I shared this with my friend who has been having self image problems recently and they said that they really needed to hear this. Again thank you so much. You have truly made someones day and hope a little brighter. ����

  • I really don’t believe I’ve ever written a comment for you despite wanting to for a very long time, so, I thought today would be the day I do and it issss since I’m writing this comment now��
    Hiii, I’m one of your younger viewers and I’ve been watching your channel for a while. My sense of time isn’t the best, but I do know it has been a long time. I just wanted to say thank you for everything you’ve done, everything you do, for all the videos you have created and for the time you put into making these videos for you viewers. I’m sure this isn’t the first time you’ve heard this, but, your videos have been extremely helpful in dark times in life and good times in life as well(there is never one period of time to listen to your audiosss), you seem like a very genuine, caring person and I find that quite admirable.
    Yes, so, before I end up rambling, in conclusion, this comment is just meant to express my appreciation for your videos. Thank you so so much again. I’m happy I was brave enough to leave you this comment today �� Have a good morning/day/night and thank you for taking the time to read this if you ever see it.

  • I live in the north, i once tryed the cloud thing it was sunny few clouds. I saw a big cloud and made it overwhelming thoughts, it got over me and started to rain… yeah.

  • Hi
    I came across your videos a few months ago when I was told I have BPD which I know something was not right with me ever since I was about 13 yrs old. I mirror ppl all the time wanting to be like them I am so good at it now. I’m in my mid 50s and still lost I have no idea who I am and it’s scary at my age now. I am in recovery just started doing that. All you said in this video it’s like we’re twins it’s weird. I’m jealous still, emotional and hopeless as I feel it’s a bit to late for me to change. I’ve seen a lot of your videos and you tell it how it really is so thanks for being real.

  • I have always said I loved myself to everyone but I know I’m lying to myself. I stay with friends who pressure me everyday into things I don’t want to do and because I don’t want to lose them I do it. But now I need to love myself for myself I WILL LOVE MYSLEF

  • My issue is what have I done to deserve self-compassion? I’ve accomplished nothing. I struggle to find a single praiseworthy thing about myself. I also see compassion toward myself as weakness. I hold myself to a very high standard. My personal code of honor is merciless. I only deserve to survive if I am fit to survive. I want to be a warrior, not livestock. Society’s standard is not good enough for me. I strive to be more. Only the great deserve praise. I’d be a hypocrite to allow myself to get away with what I would not allow others to do. That is dishonorable. I am actually irritated at others when they treat me well (not out loud of course. Actually showing that irritation would be inappropriate, rude and disrespectful). Its just because they can’t see what I really am. My darkness will drown out their light and I have no right to do that to them. They are better off keeping their distance. They think I am a nice person, but I am a savage animal inside. I don’t want to lash out at them. I keep it repressed and controlled, but the longer someone knows me, the more likely they are to see my darker side. I am so worried about damaging another with my harsh and nihilistic worldview. I have no right to cause depression in another person. To be clear, I never lash out in a physically abusive way, but my intolerance of weakness and dishonor can cause me to speak to others in a venomous or caustic way and I loathe causing unnecessary suffering. Unwarranted cruelty is a tool for the dishonrable and cowardly.

  • Thank you Kati for this video it has help me understand self hatred. Thank you for giving me some tools to use and to think about.

  • What an awesome & loving video!!! Thank you so but sincerely for this video! I grew up taking care of the outside world because my caregiver didn’t know any better especially that I too am as much as important and deserving as much care from the outside world I am too. Please make more videos like this one cause a lot of us really don’t know how to care for us. ��

  • why do you say I’m preety then why do I say I’m not ;-;

    why do I roast myself then ask myself why I did it ;-;

    why do I tell myself I’m ugly ;-;

    and why do I forgive myself right afterwards ;-;

    and why do I do it all again ;-;

  • I never realized I was kind of a perfectionist until recently, it was really messing with my mind. Now I try to be more chill in some ways, I just think: ‘Fuck it it doesn’t have to be perfect. What for? If no one likes me or what I do, I don’t give a fuck anymore.’ I’m not going in the right direction maybe, but I’m tired of this fucking society. Fuck it all.

  • I get it, but what Is after self-love cuz I have not been to that point but I am scared of what Is after it, because if you got to a point where you love yourself and you don’t have tóxic people around what do you do, not because you need them but what Is after self-love?

  • i am diagnosed with autism as a young kid. Ever since, I have learned to adapt myself, to be “normal”, by behavioural therapy and other ways. Right now the biggest thing in my mind is “im not good enough”, which repeats itself over and over. Self-care feels like that too, because it is a “treatment” for needy/egocentric behaviour, which is bad (not good enough). (How) can i break that cycle?

  • Hey Kati New Sub! This is such a fantastic video!!! Thank you for giving me tools that are somewhat tangible that I can use to work on the most important relationship in my life. Thank you for your work on mental health care. I’ve been considering making a channel for a while, you helped me get clearer in terms of the purpose which is to encourage and assist people with attention to and work on their most important relationship, which is with ourselves. The fact that building self compassion will work against depression should be front page news. Thank you so much!

  • Then there’s me who has to beg for attention,love,care and the rest..
    I’ll tell you something, i’m a man and I cry when someone I love doesn’t give me attention I want..She doesn’t bother to pick my phone when i want her,she keeps on hanging up when I ask her why she doesn’t wanna talk to me and when I feel helpless I cry,I cry cause I don’t have friends to share my story with.
    But now she has no clue what I’m turning to..
    I will change,I will love myself,I won’t beg for attention no more, if she wants to talk she will.God created me not any person…
    It’s my life and she’s nobody to have control over it.

  • I think these videoes are hard to watch. I really like what she talks about but i get very distracted by her eyes. The right one is a little above the left one. I can’t really focus on what she is saying because of it. I really just want to make them the same on each side. I want to look at the eyes because then i feel like im being talked to but i also want to know what she is saying. I try to not focus on it and look at something else but my eyes just end up looking at her eyes again Im not saying this to be mean but I dont really know why i am like this.

  • Thank you so much Kati for everything that u do in this channel. It’s beyond amazing and it’s helping a lot of people including myself. I was never like the way I’m today; I feel embarrassed and bad about myself. I started working in the big top 1 hospital in the country almost two years ago and I was alright. But after making mistakes and sometimes without even making mistakes and being treated badly got into me to the point where I don’t show myself some respect and stand up for myself. I’m totally surprised how I got where I’m today but it’s not too late to change it. I’ve been looking for videos/blogs anything that can help me get my old, expressive confident self back and with your videos I hope I will achieve that. I’ve been watching your videos one after another for 2hours and I already feel good about myself, I have about 10things I admire about myself. I just feel and I can’t help but type this long paragraph.

    Thanks a million and I wish nothing but goodness to come your way in life. #fanofyoursalready!

  • In a way I get the… “step-by-step” of this? But the question I can’t seem to answer is like
    Why should I be nice to myself? I feel like I’m just not at the phase where I’ve earned being more lax with myself. If I don’t remind myself to constantly work on doing dumb stuff, who else would?

  • Well expressed. This is on of my subjects of focus. It is still tough. I am a very positive person for others. To myself, however, I am critical. I noticed you have a topic on hating oneself. Checking that out next. It isn’t that I hate myself. I’m a great person. A friend a friend would want to have. But I do have an inordinate expectation of myself. There are two things in my past that I have not been able to forgive. Letting go of those two things, for me, is almost condoning the events and circumstances that I created. Good people don’t do what I had done. And I hold myself back from a lot of positive experiences because of it. I work on my internal dialogue. I try to keep it from being “infernal dialogue”, but every time I get to the point where I admit I am not perfect and it is okay to allow ones past to be jaded, and inventory all the ways I have grown beyond those things, I feel like I am making light of the situation and saying the harm I caused to those two people is less serious than it is…
    Thus the circle of self condemnation. The funniest part of it all is that I know how to help a person going through this very situation. I HAVE help one or two through their process. When it comes to me helping me it’s is different. I intellectualize why I am not worthy of feeling ok about it and moving on. It is frustrating to say the least.
    I am not asking for help or anything. I am getting that by choice to hopefully work past beyond my… my guilt and regret…
    Boy, I am looking forward to that next video of yours I mentioned before.
    Thanks, KM. you are a light in a dark room for many folks.

  • I think I am approximately average. About as accomplished and admirable as the next guy/gal.
    But my therapist seems to think I’m great. He’s always saying how I’m so great in this, that & the other way. How can I trust that? Is he being objective but I disbelieve because my self-esteem is relatively low? Or is he being effusive with praise because of unconditional positive regard? I guess it doesn’t matter, and I should just believe all the great stuff, because optimism is useful. I might have a case of “depressive realism.” I don’t pretend that absolute Truth is knowable, but I’m still kinda obsessed with approximating it. I value it. I value knowledge, and data. Even if “Truth” was knowable, it might not be useful. But I still long to know it. How can I embrace the positives if I find them unbelievable? Why is psych so philosophical? ��

  • I’m having a rough morning, found out I dont have a support system and I don’t know how to acquire one. My family is not going to talk tot me anymore and I don’t know how to get help feels like I’m trying to climb up a waterslide and I just keep sinking down don’t know how long I can keep my head above water.

  • I can’t stand myself and my life. I am sitting here crying because I don’t think I can permanently love myself. I keep trying but failing to see my self worth in a sustainable way. When things go wrong in my life, I tend to think I deserve it and it doesn’t help that I am rarely look enough for myself. Sorry for the rant. Glad I have this video and tele-therapy tomorrow. ����

  • Thank you so much for posting videos. Your videos have helped me feel like I’m not a crazy. I’ve been through some [email protected]\% things that have caused me a great deal of depression and anxiety. I get triggers and I come and listen to your videos along with seeing my psycho therapist has helped so much. Self-esteem is what I’m working on currently. ❤ your vidoes on intrusive thoughts. So open and so real.

  • Why is BPD like the “catch-all” disorder? It’s several aspects of all the other personality disorders rolled into one. It’s strange that it can even be considered an independent diagnosis when it explains so many different maladaptive feelings and behaviors.

  • Hi Katie. I have been in therapy for about a year now and i still find myself struggling quite a bit especially with self-hate. I just don’t see how that can ever improve.��

  • How do I get a GP appointment without my parents knowing as an 13 year old?

    How do I get myself admitted to a psychiatric hospital without my parents knowing?

    Edit: How do I get a therapist without my parents knowing?

  • I saw one of your videos from 2013 and see your videos now and I am like, sweet, looks like you can beat this. And you don’t need meds!

  • Thank you for putting the bullet points on screen. It helps me to take notes. And, Thank you very much for producing these videos.

  • A book that one of my doctors just recommended to me is, The Chemistry of Joy. It’s a very good and interesting read. Very powerful.

  • I really needed this today. Helped me understand the topic so much better. Going through an extremely hard time, and your word brought me to tears. Just what I needed to hear.

  • Wow…I feel like a holy warrior just spoke to me in a video game quest. She just gave us the secret wisdom to fight the final boss.

  • Hay Kati,

    I know you will never read this… I am just struggling really bad right now. I have watched some of your older videos about parent neglet and emotional abuse. That hit me hard. Cause when you described the symptoms I felt attached to them. My mother… Was never there for me. She hit me one time and pushed me when she found out I was cutting my wrists. She said she didn’t mean to hurt me. But she did. My mother is a little two faced. I once was feeling sad and she made me tell her what was wrong. Such like you have described in this video. I told her I didn’t like myself and image and my body and stuff. At first she was caring.. Then she totally misread the point and said, “oh my god, get over this fucking phase already! I can’t wait for it to end” and she walked out. I just don’t understand why parents say they are there for you and then neglect your feelings and struggles. I always hide my feelings around my mother. My father is the only person I can go to for support and guidance. But my parents are going to get a divorce I belive. There relationship is not working out. And my father is never at home.. I only see him like 2 days a week because he is always at work. My mother yells at me and she makes me feel I’m a disappointment. One day she said I was ugly. She may seem like the typical ‘shelter mom’ that wants the nets for you. But I just have stoped with her. I’ve been sucideal lately because I can’t express ANY of my feelings with her. on top of that my brother is no better. He scapegoats me and he isn’t really there for me at all as well. I just wish I had someone. My parents arnt really laying attention to me because of there problem. And because there problems are “more important” my mother always states I am rude and a bitch. I cry and break down at night because I have lost these feelings and they strike back at me just when I let them go.

    Sorry this is long.. My parents are just neglecting me right now and it’s hard. Its so hard. Cause words hurt too. I haven’t cut because I am afraid my mother will hurt me.
    Can you please give me guidance or a video on how to deal with divorce or parents or Somthing like I’m going threw please??

    I feel so alone.

  • Yeah guyz, me from the south, just hit my channel if you want some chat on motivation in life or something to discuss anything about feel free to share it on this https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmQrd-XPt-frTMiCrPZwjyg?view_as=subscriber

  • I think sometimes we all have to go through this as a right of passage to standing in our own power but as a kid I so desperately wanted to be part of some thing that I would have done anything to convince that I was what that crowd wanted.
    After years of what felt like rejection (felt like it to me) was actually me chasing the wrong rainbow and the wrong people..who if I faced the truth…didn’t ever give a shite about me.

    I don’t think I would have felt so flakey, had I had a good solid grounding at home as a kid.

    Fast forward to 2018…I recently stopped seeing my mother, who, after watching endless videos on the subject, I believe has borderline.
    It’s literally taken 8 weeks of no contact to start knowing myself again and to feel I am making choices again. Good or bad

    I love how you have healed and the way you describe how you felt is so brave. I know my mum is like this and as much as I could stage an intervention from our family gp… I feel I have done enough now. I’m 47 and her borderline ALMOST caused me the same fate.

    Thankyou for making these videos!! Your bravery helps others get healed and well again xxx

  • Your words are like a verbal hug for someone whose touched starved thank you. I actually believe you and makes me want to try which many therapist tried but uh thanks even if i probably won’t be able to it’s nice to hear ot from another person
    Edit: the talking to your past you who was struggling and low ut was when I fucked bad in a relationship and I’ve always hated myself for but the words you said “you did the best you could with information you had” hit hard I’ve learned alot since then I think I’m actually able to forgive myself for the first time in a long time

  • Hi do you have any videos on parenting and bpd? I always feel like I’m not good enough. I feel kinda inadequate. I had post partum depression but took antidepressants and attended talk therapy. Though i never felt so doubtful until now as my son’s getting older:(

  • @recovery mum Even in the comments i see alot of people talking about ‘my boyfriend’ or my husband ‘. Im sorry but that makes me feel so alone and lost. At least you have somebody there I have nobody. I hear alot that I am pretty and people ask me why im still single. It probably has to do with that im just a shitty person. I tried so hard to look for someone to love me. Im so done and so sad. Feeling like I need to be rescued from myself. I dont know what to do. No matter what I do how I dress I still alone. Im somewhere hoping I will have a relationship in the future. But in starting to think that im just made to rot alone. Im so sorry for my negativity idk what to do with myself

  • you are very pretty, no need to try being somebody else…..also if parents werent supportive enough that could worsen the situation

  • Its natural to compare yourself to other people. How interesting that my husband drowned me in stories about “these girls….” Including the dark straight hair. His ex he swore up and down is a dead ringer for Angelina Jolie. Omg.

    Isn’t that crazy.
    We cant just love ourselves.

    Its usually because people tell you that you are ugly. You DO know that BPD stems from mental, sexual and even physical abuse?

  • I hate myself mentally, not physically. I know love is the key but you can’t just love when you hate, so, so much. I’ve been a brat lately, I’m sorry for being rude. Sometimes these videos causes me more hate against myself because you can’t just not do certain things, you can’t just forget, you can’t just not think about something that has been hurting you for years. You can’t do half the things in this video without more steps, tiny baby steps. Each individual is there own. No certain path with help everyone, you need to find your own sometimes and I haven’t found mine yet. I’m doubtful I’ll ever find one now to be honest. Sorry for being mean if that was mean. I just have anxiety, insecurities, I’m unable to do many things without hurting myself mentally and my messed up head made me think this video was sarcastic, you did not do anything though. I’m just… I make people sad sometimes by existing and being the pessimist I am, I’m sorry, you can ignore me if you want to, you can tell me how I’m wrong. My greatest fear is making people feel sad, worthless and guilty but yet I do just that so often for just speaking. I hardly say anything so when I do it’s just a big burst of emotion, as you can see. You did really good though, this video can help so many people.

  • Noah, you lived up to your promise, I asked for a video on self-esteem on one of your previous videos! I love all these tips, your videos are very helpful.

  • I have a problem when someone discusses which celebrities are hot and which are not. Whether or not someone is too skinny, overweight and so on.

    I always makes me feel “well, if they think that gorgeous girl is too ‘whatever it is’, then what do they think of me? They must find me disgusting”

    I really hate judging people because of their looks.

  • This is why mental health should really be tsken seriously by all.Because you look like Angelina Jolie but you prob could/would not see that understandably and ppl would most likely scoff at the thought you wanted to look different…obvs that was prior when younger. But the point being the stigma of what mental health ‘looks’ like needs to dissipate because ppl who are crying for help slip through the cracks due to societal conditioning and preconceived ideas. Greatvid.��

  • Thank you so much for sharing your experiences on this youtube channel. <3 Just for fun there is a song called I am who I am https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZszCb5Yx4E Lara Fabian I Am Who I Am

  • Just when I was crumbling down, and becoming the epitome of self hate and negativity, convincing myself why it’s better if the person I like secretly deserves to be with someone else and not me, that I don’t deserve good grades, or that I will never have the personality and looks of the most beautiful lady of my class, you came and held my hand Rainy.
    You are an angel.

  • “everyone deserves to be treated with kindness, respect, compassion, and understanding <...> doesn’t matter how you grew up, what your parents told you.” just hits too close to home. thank you.

    listened till the end now, so here’s an edit:
    i started crying when you brought up talking to our past self and letting go of them. we subject ourselves to hate and criticize ourselves so much that at some point it becomes sort of a ‘required response’ to anything we’re doing, and it’s awful, because then we stop noticing it and as a result start doing it even more. and sometimes all you really need is to hear someone you trust remind you that your perception of yourself can be wrong and that you don’t deserve all the bad things you think you deserve, and that you need to change it in order to have a more fulfilled life and a better relationship with your own self. so once again, thank you. you’ve brought so much light into my life and i’m really glad i found you and your audios ❤️

  • I started purging at 10 years old. I remember it like yesterday. Gradually became anorexic, and then I found heroin. At 14 years old.. I haven’t been diagnosed with anything, I’ve never been to a therapist… ive never had the confidence to go and ask for help. I finally went to my doc and asked for help. Wish me luck. I dont know what’s wrong with me. But BPD has checked alotta the boxes for my issues:/

  • Is this not all normal? Or is it specific to BPD? It all sounds 100% normal to me. But I think I might have BPD.

    Also is the song “I am what I am”?

  • Discovered this channel a little over a week ago and I am beginning to understand BPD behaviours that made little to no sense before. You explain everything so comprehensively-I feel like I’m watching a more evolved version of myself. I was wondering whether you could do a video regarding BPD and lack of motivation (and how to help overcome it)

  • Great tips! Also, remember to think/look at yourself through the eyes of your parents, siblings, closest friends, niece/nephew, etc. In other words, people who care about you and love you or admire you. They obviously won’t be as hard on you as you are. We are our worst enemy. They see the value in us that we sometimes don’t see. People notice a lot more about you than you would think and sometimes they don’t tell you but you really do mean a lot and inspire others. Just smiling at people and genuinely asking about their day can really mean a lot to them.

  • My subconscious believes what it believes always bringing those underlying beliefs. Back but honestly im just bored with life work eat sleep repeat and this society is just boring its fucking mind numbing working out eating right all these things are just boring and drugs are the only way i feel like my lifes worth living and gives me a feeling like everything’s interesting and makes me feel like there’s a point

  • I notice a lot of people keep on talking about Rotogenflux Methods. But I’m uncertain if it’s good. Have you ever tried this intelligence boost system?

  • I was looking up BTS Love Yourself speech and performance and came across this. If you’re in the process of loving yourself and is into music, I would like to recommend listening to Love Yourself Album series Her, Tear, and Answer. Tho you would need to look up it’s translations coz it’s not in english. If you’re interested, that is. The tunes alone are great but the lyrics are even more so. This is a great TedTalk btw. Bless you all.

  • I love myself because I am unusually brave, and unusually good at being kind, and unusually rational. I love myself because I am autistic and extremely valuable in society because of this. So sue me.

  • Hey Lovely������,
    this is the most truest relatable bpd video I have with you. Everything you said about you, was me too. My body issues started younger, now that you said that, I remember when I was in Kindergarden it started I think on the school bus, sitting beside a friend that was tiny, I was comparing her thighs to mine and I got sad and hated it! lol. my dad always called me chubbs, overweight, thick, all my life..even when I was average weight. I always been a bit more bigger boned is all. I like how I look now mostly, and I know ill never be skinny but Im healthy and thats what matters. My dad was the culprit… he ruined my self esteem and usually put me, my mom and brother down. I used to dress n do hair like other girls, like I gotta change my hair like that to look good or accepted. I was VERY shy but turns out Im out going. ��❣ p.s My mom is BPD but unconsious of what she says n does esp when drinks. My dad I believe all criteria for covert narcissist, ugh he visisted me after surgery a week ago, and first thing he says is “this surgery could of been not needed but…..and…. “you better be working out all the time at the gym after u recover.” Thanks for this babe! Talk soon.

  • Yours are the best descriptions of BPD I have ever heard x I was diagnosed at 18…I am now 51. I am so grateful to you for making these.

  • wow you described so perfectly how I feel almost 100% of the time. Especially right now with my job, I feel like I am desperately trying so hard to be someone that I’m not so that I will be accepted, but it is so fake and so draining. I am so afraid of being rejected and not liked there and I’m even terrified of leaving evwn though I’m so miserable there because it’s like I’ll be exposed for not wanting to be there if that makes sense.

  • Hi Recovery Mum, just today I ended a romantic relationship that was just starting, because I need to really take care of myself, I’ve been denying my BPD and using this relationship as some sort of distraction to not look at my issues, and also my emotions were all over the place, I was starting to split a lot and to not respect the other person’s boundaries.. Could you make a video about how your romantic relationship is now? How you’ve changed and what is like to have a healthy bond? Thanks and sorry for my bad english, it’s not my first language. Love you!!!

  • I’m 12. I hate how I look. I hate how I talk. I hate me. every day I doubt myself. it hurts to look in the mirror. I even try to starve myself just because I want to fit into clothes

  • Thanks for all of these videos. I have diagnosis of bpd. Managing it better but occassional really terrifying dips in mood and angry outbursts. Just watching theses videos helps a lot. Mark

  • Hi sherhina I’m like that I’m always saying that I’m not going enough and calling myself nutty jokingly but really meant it.
    But it didn’t help getting bullied all through my school life.
    Loves you Celia.

  • I feel exactly like this, everything you describe is me. I haven’t been diagnosed bpd but from watching your video I’m going to speak to my doctor. thank you x

  • Hey Kati, so I have this friend who has been through so much and going for help is something that’s hard for her to do because a previous counsellor violated a rule where they were to keep the sessions confidential. So she knows she needs help but she can’t turn to a counsellor or a therapist because that trust was broken before. What could I tell her to encourage her to try again?

  • people put yourself first be treasured to your own beliefs stay happy stay healthy and stay secure in yourselves always love unselfishly those who value you and treasure you beacuse that’s the most important lessons in life..

  • I literally compare myself to other women CONSTANTLY. Some days I feel pretty, others grotesque. I would feel prettyuntil I see a girl who I thought was prettier. I’d instantly feel UGLY. My confidence is like a wet napkin carry a rock.

  • I felt like that for years when I was younger, trying to adapt and be accepted by the people I was hanging out with, even when it wasn’t who I wanted to be. I regret a lot of the shit I did back then trying to impress them or whatever, even if I was only a stupid kid, it was wrong and I just didn’t have the courage to split from it. It was so liberating when circumstances led me to parting from those guys and I just got to be on my own and finally genuinely become myself. I’m perfectly comfortable being by myself now and no longer feel like I need to “fit in”. I’d trade those shitty friends for this freedom any day.

  • I think you are so beautiful.. especially your personality, and your confidence make you a brave women and mother, to talk about your disorder.. I m jealous / and same time extremely happy for you, that you have recovered your BPD. I love your facial expressions. it remind me, of my boyfriend, everytime he comes back to reality, he makes these gorgeous facial expression and I fall in love all over again.

    you have no clue, you are a big support for me. you tell me to be happy of myself. I am very happy of myself, I am health, I have 4 beautiful and health children, that also drive me crazy. I live with my mom and she help me raise my children. I run my own business and I work part-time for Fedex. I put my children in private catholic school, so yes very expensive here in America, Dallas, TX. but it is worth it for my babies. AND I stand by my man, that I adore so much and believe in him with his journey of his recovery.. I love you recovery mommy!!

  • i just moved to university and had some of the worst weeks of my life beforehand, and it was your audios that have been getting me through it all. thank you so much x

  • https://www.customink.com/fundraising/i-see-you-movement4?utm_campaign=mobile-campaign-page-share&utm_content=i-see-you-movement4&utm_medium=social&utm_source=copy-link

  • An email exchange with Hayes
    Below is part of an email exchange with Dr. Steven Hayes, a creator and proponent of something called relational frame theory, a somewhat inexplicable (to me at least) psychological theory that attributes how we behave through a behavioristic analysis of language. It has even given birth to a therapeutic approach called ACT, which presumably will cure all that psychologically ails you. The problem is that modern neuroscience tells us that much of our behavior is caused by non-conscious and affective events that have little or nothing to do with language. Would it not be prudent, I asked, that your procedure be a little informed by the facts of how the human mind works from affective neuroscience? To which I got this paean to the pragmatism of prediction.
    “I understand behavior when I can predict and control behavior with precision, scope, and depth. That is behavior analysis as I understand it. You understand behavior when you’ve modeled the mechanical system. But why stop at those three? Why not say “to understand behavior you have to understand biochemistry?” Sure that underlies the brain systems you point to. But why stop there? Why not say “to understand behavior you have to understand subatomic particles?” Doesn’t that underlie the physical and chemical systems that underlie the biological systems you are speaking of? How can your understanding be firm if you do not know what underlies it? That is the import of your statement: “To understand behavior you have to understand all three.” OK so be consistent. Follow out the logic of what you believe.
    The key is this last sentence, whether one should follow the logic of what one believes, or (as I would have it) the logic of what one sees. If you have a broader vision of the very large to the very small, one’s logic would doubtless become a lot better, though the procedures it would support would likely, like understanding the processes of disease and the procedures it engenders (vaccinations, antibiotics), be a whole lot different. The true logic that Hayes was hinting about was a bit different, namely that different levels of perspective are really complex, and that they cause us to lose focus on the subject at hand. This is the time worn argument against reductionism, which is a philosophy of science that assumes that reducing the whole to its parts causes you lose perspective on what’s truly important (namely the prediction), and (shudder) will cause you to look up the world as a mere collection of atoms. This is a common logical scarecrow used to frighten those who care about explanations, and is nonsense.
    Every child in an elementary science class learns about things from the large to the small, but learns not the intractable minutiae of calculation, but rather metaphors that encapsulate the large and the small in a phrase. Called ‘level adequate’ concepts by the early neuroscientist Erich von Holst, it gives us a metaphorical perspective of the world that integrates many levels of observation. You don’t have to be a brain scientist to understand the mind, nor a rocket scientist to understand physics. Because neuroscience is a relatively young field, it has not yet formed the level adequate descriptions of how the brain works that can sweep away the postures of those who would figuratively shut us indoors without air. In time, I will be looking forward to finally breathing free.
    more level adequate thinking and its attendant ironies from Dr. Mezmer’s World of Bad Psychology, at doctormezmer.com

  • I think there is definitely truth in being realistic about yourself. But what if you really are skilled in a certain area? What if you are say the “Michael Jordan” of what you do and have been told that by many people. You may also have credentials to back up your accomplishments. While being humble is important, it is also important to acknowledge the truth where it exists (even if it means acknowledging that you have been very successful in your field). To not do so would be to deny the truth in some sense. You needn’t be cocky, but you also needn’t play down your abilities to such a degree that you can’t function. I think it is very important to have faith in your strengths, accept your weaknesses and then if you choose to, go about enhancing them with appropriate action. I would argue that it is not so much about getting RID of self-esteem as it is about keeping it in check. Sort of a yin-yang scenario. If you feel yourself becoming too big for your boots, reel yourself back in. If you are being overly critical of yourself and want to feel good by giving your best at an exam or presentation, then go for it. I’m a firm believer that life is about opposing forces and we are at constant play with them. While I feel ACT is very useful for a lot of issues, especially social anxiety, I also feel that a lot the principles it propagates can be turned on themselves. The title of this podcast, “Self-esteem is bullshit” is an absolutist statement, something that I feel ACT discourages. So Dr. Hayes’ individual experience may have taught him that self-compassion is more important than self-esteem but other folks run the risk of blindly believing someone else’s story and the lessons it taught that person. Just as artificially blowing up your self-esteem can be detrimental, it can be equally detrimental to go on a “self-compassion” high and try to artificially cultivate self-compassion. So we must be MINDFUL of this contradiction. We can easily swing both ways. We want to believe one extreme because it gives us comfort. The truth however, lies somewhere in the middle. People should learn about life by living it, not trying to conceptualize it. When the time comes, you will learn to make adjustments as and when needed. As long as you’re not an asshole to the people around you, I think there is no harm in being confident in your abilities. This doesn’t mean that you’re a perfect person. Quite the opposite. It means that you are, like everyone else, imperfect but still willing to learn from your mistakes and the lessons life teaches you.

  • I think YouTube knows that I’m starting to have very bad thoughts again because I haven’t been able to take my medicine, so this is like the 3rd audio I got a notification for. Thank you guys so much..

  • This is incredible and so important. Thinking you need to approve of yourself completely just makes you approve of yourself less! Being a healthy human is about making peace with all of yourself, but knowing you can act in the way you want because you have proved you are able to, not relying on pumping your emotions and views to make yourself feel good.