Body Dysmorphia – When Changes In Lifestyle Get Carried Away


Body dysmorphic disorder: When our eyes tell lies

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Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)

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What Body Dysmorphic Disorder Feels Like | Body Language

Video taken from the channel: BBC Three

Body Dysmorphia When Lifestyle Changes Go Too Far Close your eyes and think of your ideal physique. Chances are your mind went to a professional bodybuilder, elite powerlifter, Olympic athlete, or. “Period-related body dysmorphia may not be a recognized medical condition, but it is a real phenomenon,” says Cynthia Wesley, MD, a board certified OB-GYN in Charlotte, North Carolina. In men, body dysmorphia often takes the form of muscle dysmorphia or what is commonly referred to as “bigorexia.” Common signs and symptoms of muscle dysmorphia go beyond normal body building efforts to include a preoccupation with muscle building, overtraining with weights, overuse of protein supplements and, sometimes, steroid abuse. The first feeling I ever had about my appearance was panic.

For as long as I can remember, I have thought that my ears stick out too far from my head. As an anxious and underweight 7-year-old, I. Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), also called body dysmorphia, is a mental health condition that involves an unhealthy and excessive preoccupation with one’s physical appearance. Body dysmorphic disorder may also manifest in your social life. Because of your preoccupation with your appearance, it may cause you a lot of stress.

This will then lead to problems in your work, social interactions, and other aspects of your life. Your condition may even push you to miss school, work or other social situations. Body dysmorphia is classified as a long-term disorder of focused anxiety, where significant attention over a considerable period of time is paid to the perceived imperfection or physical flaw, and. I know that others see this reality differently than I do, but I still just see that flesh, those curves.

Our culture has had to create words for people like me: Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). But it’s impossible to believe that that’s real and what I see when I look in the mirror isn’t. My body. How many times I have tried to leave it.

Body dysmorphic disorder (known as BDD) is a mental health disorder in which the sufferer deals with unending, intrusive fears about a bodily flaw in their appearance. People with body dysmorphia would go as far as cosmetic surgery to fix what they think is wrong with them. They have this skewed view that if they were to change that one thing, they’d be happy.

List of related literature:

This must be countered at the beginning by stressing that the problem is how a person views herself from the inside, and that therapy is designed to change body image, not appearance.

“Handbook of Treatment for Eating Disorders” by David M. Garner, Paul E. Garfinkel
from Handbook of Treatment for Eating Disorders
by David M. Garner, Paul E. Garfinkel
Guilford Publications, 1997

Other authors have emphasized the dynamic and ever-changing nature of body image and the external changes that can alter perceptions of body image (Hobza et al, 2007; Janelli, 1986; Price, 1990b; Salter, 1997).

“Nursing the Surgical Patient” by Rosie Pudner
from Nursing the Surgical Patient
by Rosie Pudner
Elsevier Health Sciences UK, 2010

Adapting to changes in body image resulting from chronic illness is a dynamic process.

“Chronic Illness in Canada: Impact and Intervention” by Marnie Kramer-Kile, Joseph Osuji
from Chronic Illness in Canada: Impact and Intervention
by Marnie Kramer-Kile, Joseph Osuji
Jones & Bartlett Learning, 2012

Recovery necessitates major changes in selfesteem and body image, which require therapy over a long time.

“Mosby's Review Questions for the NCLEX-RN Exam E-Book” by Patricia M. Nugent, Judith S. Green, Barbara A. Vitale, Phyllis K. Pelikan
from Mosby’s Review Questions for the NCLEX-RN Exam E-Book
by Patricia M. Nugent, Judith S. Green, et. al.
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2010

To counter the insult to body image and functionality, and knowing likely prognoses, the healthcare professional must reassure the client and family about their perceptions of body image and help them reconcile to the present and future realities ofthe situation.

“Chronic Illness: Impact and Intervention” by Ilene Morof Lubkin, Pamala D. Larsen
from Chronic Illness: Impact and Intervention
by Ilene Morof Lubkin, Pamala D. Larsen
Jones & Bartlett Learning, 2013

What is muscle dysmorphia and what are some of its warning signs?

“Practical Applications In Sports Nutrition BOOK ALONE” by Heather Fink, Alan Mikesky, Lisa Burgoon
from Practical Applications In Sports Nutrition BOOK ALONE
by Heather Fink, Alan Mikesky, Lisa Burgoon
Jones & Bartlett Learning, 2011

We discuss muscle dysmorphia in more detail below (see “Body Image Disorders Associated With AAS Use”).

“The American Psychiatric Publishing Textbook of Substance Abuse Treatment” by Marc Galanter, Herbert D. Kleber, Kathleen T. Brady
from The American Psychiatric Publishing Textbook of Substance Abuse Treatment
by Marc Galanter, Herbert D. Kleber, Kathleen T. Brady
American Psychiatric Publishing, 2015

Supportive counseling that partializes and prioritizes the individual’s concerns about body image and addresses them sequentially can help the individual feel safer and more secure (Nugent et al., 1999).

“Medical Aspects of Disability: A Handbook for the Rehabilitation Professional” by Herbert H. Zaretsky, Edwin F. Richter, Myron G. Eisenberg
from Medical Aspects of Disability: A Handbook for the Rehabilitation Professional
by Herbert H. Zaretsky, Edwin F. Richter, Myron G. Eisenberg
Springer Publishing Company, 2005

But the inspiring fact is that many of these people come to accept such drastic changes, incorporate them into a healthy body image, and move forward in their lives (Rumsey 2002; Rumsey and Harcourt 2004, 2005).

“The Body Image Workbook: An Eight-step Program for Learning to Like Your Looks” by Thomas F. Cash
from The Body Image Workbook: An Eight-step Program for Learning to Like Your Looks
by Thomas F. Cash
New Harbinger Publications, 2008

Change in body image is an important feature of this disorder.

“Alexander's Nursing Practice E-Book: Hospital and Home The Adult” by Chris Brooker, Maggie Nicol, Margaret F. Alexander
from Alexander’s Nursing Practice E-Book: Hospital and Home The Adult
by Chris Brooker, Maggie Nicol, Margaret F. Alexander
Elsevier Health Sciences, 2011

Alexia Lewis RD

Registered Dietitian Nutritionist and Certified Heath Coach who believes life is better with science, humor, and beautiful, delicious, healthy food.

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  • Everything changed in February I woke up one day and I felt all these things since then I’ve tryed to commit suicide 3 times and I’ve been suspected of having bdd i need more testing first and school is in 20 days and i still dont look how i need to and I’m panicking and everybody asking to meet with me and I’m freaking out cus i dont wanna tell them i dont want them to think I’m vain

  • Loving the interview but the chat is so distracting, and it’s annoying to see people be like:
    Dr K: it doesnt help to tell you things contrary to your belief that you’re ugly
    Her: yes it doesnt help me
    Chat x10000000: she looks normal!!!

  • The fact about any mental illness is that people do not always understand how deep ur emotions are, like yes sometimes you can see some flaws in you but BDD is DIFFERENT

  • one of the things I find hardest is when my friends are looking through photos for memories and even though I was present, I refused to be in photos or videos etc because I was convinced I looked TOO bad to the point they’d get angry when I asked them to retake the photos. it’s sad because I feel left out but it’s my own fault

  • There is a clear and urgent need for people and families trapped in this position, and where there ultimately is no recourse for guaranteed public help without the fear, or the stigma, of rejection.

    Not nearly enough studies have been done, regarding BDD, to show that cosmetic surgery with a prior evaluation and realistic expectational outcomes, and which there is anecdotal evidence to suggest can be a very effective solution to those who suffer from this crippling disorder, and where previous therapeutic strategies have failed.

    Governmental bodies, including Social services, are inadequately equipped to help, understand, or to cope with people and families trapped under these devastating circumstances. And yet there appears to be no way, or authority for them to either emphasize this urgency, nor to communicate it to the proper facilities, or any other branch of public sector services which could and can help people, trapped in the financial and the psychological deadlock of this position and who cannot afford to help themselves.

    The burden of fault here does not lie with the individual, but rather with the state too broken and inadequate to help those who are unable to find the aid or compassion necessary to amend these struggles anywhere else.

    Yet, despite current psychological strategies, and the discouragement of cosmetic surgery for those suffering from this disorder, it continues to have the highest suicide rate of any other mental illness in the world, underrecognised and misunderstood.

    Perhaps it is time to rethink and to re-evaluate our approach, and our way of thinking towards this, and so that people might be given the chance to not only live, but to ultimately find happiness and acceptance in their own bodies.

  • Im fighting not to feel ugly. I do yoga. Im go on diet but at i can’t sleep cause im scared
    I used to starved my self to have a right weight until my period did’nt come for 6months i relived that something wrong
    Right now im still fighting evryday to think positive but sometime i fail

  • I don’t know if this counts. But, more extremely during early highschool, I’d avoid looking at mirrors, and I had a mental version of myself in my head, and I’d imagined myself looking like that all the time, and when I come across a mirror in public and see what I really look like, my mind just,,,shatters.

  • It’s funny how much I can relate to this, but from the other side. I’m a guy and most of my best friends are girls since I could always have MUCH deeper conversations with girls, while most guys I met were like “BRO HUHUH DUDEE I GeT SO MuCH PuSsY YO HAHEUEH”

  • I basicly stayed up all night cause I didnt wanted to sleep in and have to wake up and have to go to scool. It was cinda unreal to me

  • I hate having BDD,, It’s led me to hate my body and everything about it. I constantly check myself in the mirror and has led me to starving myself for long periods of time. as someone who wants to look like a boy looking at myself and telling myself I’ll never look like one has been killing me and killing me.

  • One thing that I’ve noticed is the interchangeability of the bdd feelings. One day you can like yourself a little, on occasion, and then the next days afterwards you are back to the “reality” or a more fitting description would be delusions of bdd.

  • I have a lot of this symptoms and also do a lot of the things ppl mention in the comments but I’m not sure if I have this or I am just unhappy with my body?(i don’t wanna seem dramatic but i can’t go to a doctor to be sure so idk..) but honestly it’s starting to change the way I live and what I do and it’s literally a battle every fucking day:/

  • I have been denying and trying to avoid this harsh reality for so long but even watching this video and the truth thrown on my face makes me cry… why does it have to be soo hard?

  • i dont trust the ppl who tell me im pretty and skinny i always push them away cause i know they are lying i always see myself as fat and ugly in mirror in pictures everywhere i thought maybe i had body dysmorphia but i can see how ugly and fat i am it cant be a delusion it feels so real to be fake

  • Thankyou so much for making this, Ive been struggling with social anxiety and attributed my fear of social situations to that but learning about this made me realise it was BDD which makes a lot more sense for me. Your video was very informative and brought me to tears after hearing how much of this rang true for me. Lots of love to anyone struggling with this too ❤️

  • I’m flat chested and I’m super skinny but I have a wide ride cage and it sticks out I try gaining weight but I have a fast metabolism.
    nothing looks good on me and wearing bathing suits makes me cry idk what to do I feel so trapped in this and I can’t escape what do i do?

  • Can BDD be caused by sexual assault trauma? I ask because it happened to me and I hate my body. I’m not diagnosing myself but I’ve had these issues for a long time and I don’t if counseling is going to work. My chest is slightly bigger than most girls and going out in public with a tight blouse or just anything that isn’t a baggy t shirt always gives me a super un easy feeling. I am not happy with my body and I haven’t been since I can remember. My earliest memory is the third grade.

  • i take so many photos of my face to see if something has changed on my face and if it looks like that i start crying and freaking out. i don’t even think my mom understands the extremity of it, all of the thoughts of it hit at night, it sucks��

  • im so skinny and ugly. I look like a disgusting skeleton. I hate myself, I hate the way I look no matter how hard I try I can’t change how I look.

  • This poor woman…. to have all that boiling inside you…. to share what she shared…. I really hope she can learn to love herself.

  • I feel like the worst part about body dysmorphia is how it makes me so self conscious around my friends, I’m always comparing myself to them and thinking they’re better than me. Or sometimes when I’m hanging out with them, I start to feel super self conscious (not by them necessarily but often because of pretty people I see while we’re out) and it makes me totally unable to focus on our conversation. It’s like I shut down and get really quiet, and just want to leave or disappear. I hate it cuz it makes me a shitty friend and I don’t want my friends to think I’m not interested in what they’re saying. It’s just that when I’m triggered, I can’t keep my full attention on them and all I can feel is self-hatred and depression.

  • OMG she is so fucking adorable when she laughs and smiles ands nervous. Its so attractive and beautiful. It kills me she cant see it. Im a guy who also struggles with body image but ingrid, if you ever read this, i want you to know that you can overcome this. Your feelings come from not truly feeling loved when you were younger or feeling worthy or valued. This manifests into the external as you want to be accepted and loved so desperatley that you focus everything on your appearance.

  • Omg what she says at 0:54 is exactly what I think and now has me thinking I probably have bdd, only I don’t think I had it as a child, but so many people told me I was ugly that I developed it? Is that possible?

  • I genuinely have no idea what she is talking about. I cannot relate to this line of thinking whatsoever. So she acted boyish, ok gotcha. Did she like it? Yes? Cool. Now she wants to act feminine, ok. Why not just do it? Whatever that might mean for her. To be clear I say this as a person who doesn’t really care for what other people think of me. I always did my thing and I never really cared for what others think about that. Is it a confidence issue?

  • My family tells me I’m skinny, but everytime I look in the mirror, I look fat. I am obsessed with looking in mirrors, everytime I pass one, I have to look at myself. I always compare myself to my skinny sister and feel I look so ugly compared to her. I take ages getting changed because I feel like everything looks bad on me. Does this sound like BDD?

  • The only thing I think about constantly is my body. I’m really tall so I do look a little different from my friends but everything I try doesn’t work. I started to get in this bad habit where I would count every single gram or ounce to know the calories and every single chance I had I would look in the mirror and stare at everything bad about my body. What do I do

  • Apparently I have BDD. I don’t think so. I know what I am seeing is real, even if people say it isn’t.
    Everyone else is prettier than me. My face changes constantly. I despise mirrors.
    I don’t know what to do.

  • This is so fun, you can see her sort of seething but not saying anything. Hmm, and then we have a twist. I’m going back to watch it again to see the reveal.

  • Whenever I look at myself in the mirror I burst into tears as how ugly I look, it sucks. I feel like my nose is too big, my face is too fat, I have ugly scars over my face…I look terrible even in pictures and selfies, do I have BDD or am I really ugly, please tell me!

  • I’m 26 now this has affected my life in every way. I dont go out unless I feel my shirts fit around my back and shoulders “correctly” I know I dont look bad but all these thoughts cross my mind its torture. I’m trying to figure out how to deal with it still because I need to move along with my life I’m 6’3 it messes with me in the sense that I need to feel full to the point where I can feel my arms bigger and my body fill into my clothes better and unless my clothes fit right I dont go out or I’ll wear long sleeve shirts in the summer, lately the covid 19 thing has made it slightly easier for me to go to the grocery because I can cover my face.

  • I dont think I have BDD but im really insecure. Right now I’m facing the worst insecurity I’ve ever felt in my life. Almost all day today all I thought about was how my stomach isn’t flat. I’ve always looked for a miracle cure but nothing ever works. I’ve been working out twice a day for almost a month with no result. Today I must’ve weighed myself 15 times and checked the mirror or at least an hour. I don’t want to eat that much but I’m starving and water and gum isn’t enough. I feel bad for eating dinner. I hate how my stomach rolls when I sit and how it hangs over the waistband of my pants. It’s not flat and you can’t see my abs. I feel like all of my friends have flat stomachs and they can wear crop tops and tight shirts. I hate how my face is so red and uneven. I hate how I have acne that won’t go away. I hate how my face has the weirdest shape and my ears are huge. I hate how my chin has so much fat. I hate how freaking skinny my best friend is. She gets all the guys. I hate how this gum and water won’t make me full like it supposed to. I’m just really upset and I needed something to vent to. I hope no one sees this

  • body dysmorphia is so debilitating. it can be feeling like you’re not worthy of anything because of the way you look. it feels like you’re clawing out of your skin at times. nothing feels right or good. all you can think about is how you look and how other people think you look. it makes you want to curl up and go outside.

  • I can relate to Ingrid a lot. I was in a mental hospital for a few months and constantly had the feeling that people were just telling me things that I already knew and I didnt know what to do with that. I also had (and still have) a hard time feeling something or allowing emotion.
    I came to the conclusion that I don’t need to do anything with it, I just needed to get more aware of it and realize that I don’t have to adhere to a standard of anyone (not even myself). I just need to be me. And if being be includes something thats not normal that is not bad. Actually being not completely normal is normal.

  • Am I the only one that doesn’t want help? Because if I get help that means I accept my body the way it is but I just want to be skinnier not stay the same

  • I haven’t left the house in a month because of this and my family don’t help calling me narcissistic and saying I’m doing it for attention. I just want them to leave me alone

  • I dont wanna sound rude and I know its a disorder we are talking about but take it as a way to calm down: you’re not the center of the universe, nobody cares what you look like, not the clerk who is gonna take your order or the guy you’ll exchange looks at the street.

  • I’m so amazed that other people think like me. I am questioning if I should tell my mother about these thoughts, although, when I told her about my suicidal ones, she brushed it off. As in; “You are being dramatic.” I don’t know what to do. Anyway, I’m 13 years old and I first noticed my flaws when my cousin called me fat. The weird part is, I wouldn’t exactly call myself fat, definitely not skinny or thin though. But ever since she called me that, I have not stopped looking in the mirror. When I’m looking for something and stumble into the bathroom, I lift up my shirt and stare at my stomach. Then turn. Look at my body from all angles. Social media has also ruined my mental health in a way. You see all these pretty and lean girls, and everybody complimenting them non-stop in the comment section. I think that everybody is better looking than me. I don’t really know how to describe it. I feel…different? And not in a good way. I wonder that, with all my flaws, will anyone ever love me? I’d think it’s impossible. And every single one of my friends is thin. Every. Single. One. When I say; “I’m so fat.” I have to be joking. Otherwise, I feel regret, like I’m wasting their time and asking for attention. Even if I play it off as a joke, they’ll still say the usual. “No you’re not.” I’m constantly thinking about my appearance. If I am with all of my friends I can’t help but think; “I am the heaviest person in this room, and it is obvious.” And I hate it. I hate my life. I hate me. When my friends compliment me I automatically think they are lying or kidding. My family is the only contribution to the fat shaming. I saw my uncle in Target the other day, he said; “Wow. Looks like she’s been eating quite a bit.” And I know this isn’t a really big deal but, my mom, she didn’t deny it. And I think about that all the time. She’s always putting off things, things that have to do with my health, mental and physical. For example, every time I get up, I get dizzy, can’t see, and hear ringing. She said we would go to the doctor for it, that was a year ago. She is also the first person to notice my behavior and connect it to BDD. Of course, she hasn’t done anything about it. Maybe when she brought it up she was joking. Either way, I am not joking. And in conclusion, your mind plays tricks on you. If anyone wants to talk my snap is: izzyblue111017
    Goodnight friends

  • There is a clear and urgent need for people and families trapped in this position, and where there ultimately is no recourse for guaranteed public help without the fear, or the stigma, of rejection.

    Not nearly enough studies have been done, regarding BDD, to show that cosmetic surgery with a prior evaluation and realistic expectational outcomes, and which there is anecdotal evidence to suggest can be a very effective solution to those who suffer from this crippling disorder, and where previous therapeutic strategies have failed.

    Governmental bodies, including Social services, are inadequately equipped to help, understand, or to cope with people and families trapped under these devastating circumstances. And yet there appears to be no way, or authority for them to either emphasize this urgency, nor to communicate it to the proper facilities, or any other branch of public sector services which could and can help people, trapped in the financial and the psychological deadlock of this position and who cannot afford to help themselves.

    The burden of fault here does not lie with the individual, but rather with the state too broken and inadequate to help those who are unable to find the aid or compassion necessary to amend these struggles anywhere else.

    Yet, despite current psychological strategies, and the discouragement of cosmetic surgery for those suffering from this disorder, it continues to have the highest suicide rate of any other mental illness in the world, underrecognised and misunderstood.

    Perhaps it is time to rethink and to re-evaluate our approach, and our way of thinking towards this, and so that people might be given the chance to not only live, but to ultimately find happiness and acceptance in their own bodies.

  • For me it’s my acne. I have acne all over my arms, my whole back, my legs, and my butt. I can’t wear tanks tops, shorts, swimsuits, or anything that exposes my skin too much because my acne is visible. It makes me feel disgusted with myself. I just want my skin to be soft and smooth, I have tried everything but nothing works. I eat healthy, I exercise, I have tried many creams. At this point I just want to hide my body as much as possible.

  • Dr K, when you talk about ‘feeding the beast’ do you believe that this is similar to an addiction and that if you avoid feeding the addiction (i.e. not taking pictures of yourself for a long amount of time) then your brain’s chemistry will sort itself out and you will be normal (similar to how you get off hard drugs) or do you think that it is inherently different from an addiction. There is hardly any good information about how to treat this disorder and I have been suffering from body dysmorphia for many years now.


  • My face is extremely asymmetrical. I think I have plagiocephaly and that contributes to the asymmetry. My nose is crooked, my left cheek is significantly larger than my right. I constantly compare my face to people who have symmetrical faces. The left side of my face is drastically different from my left. I know its there.

  • Does anyone else get that feeling where you see other people and think “yes that is a human, their face is a pattern that by brain recognizes because they are humans” but when you look at yourself in the mirror its like looking at a plastic spoon or a some drywall. Theres just.. No stimulation in the brain. You dont see a human face or the facial pattern of a human, you just see.. A face. You feel like you know its supposed to be you but it doesn’t feel like thats really you staring back at you or that the face is even human or alive

  • I think I have this but I don’t wanna self diagnose. I wish I could talk to my psychiatrist and psychologist but I’m kinda scared to do so:(

  • Most ppl think that the disorder just causes you to be insecure about your weight, but it’s so much more than that. It’s everything that has to do with your own body, the body you don’t want to be in, because you feel like it’s hideousness is beyond repair.

  • The last third or so of this was like when my favourite villager in animal crossing came up to me and showed me how to have emotions

  • oof i remember at 8, and still now, id spend hours just staring the mirror. looking at my gross face, and especially my fat stomach. i never felt like i belonged what i would give to look normal like my friends. maybe it’s bc im a halfie with the worst traits of both races, maybe it’s just bc im fat but i used to think about just taking a knife and just… cutting it all off. all the fat off my stomach, my thighs anywhere i didn’t feel good about. I spend too much time in the mirror but avoid selfies. snapchat makes me feel disgusting, and i only ever feel comfortable with makeup on and then, i still feel like it’s too much makeup.

    i used to feel so different as a kid. like an abomination. i used to think i looked too much like a boy and then i thought i didn’t look like anything. being half doesn’t help, especially half chinese. there are so many combinations nobody seems to look like me.

    i play sports, i go to the gym, and while I try to wear form-fitting clothes bc otherwise ill look fatter, you won’t catch me dead in a crop top or showing off my stomach. i never understood why people wore baggy clothes it’s always made me feel so much larger. i also have very big thighs and calves which make me seem much larger whenever i wear a hoodie. sometimes i look at my tagged photos on Instagram and wonder why i can’t look like everybody else, why im so ugly. i don’t participate in anything that could make me look uglier, and i often opt out of fun activities because of it. because im not pretty not average i don’t deserve to be with everybody else, y’know?

    i don’t think i have a disorder. i think that ive just gotten so used to not being used to my face and body so much that ive conditioned myself to think this way. conditioned myself to call myself ugly every time I pass a mirror, and when I feel pretty, to tear myself down. maybe it’s a defence mechanism to prevent my pride from going out of control, i dont know. but it hurts. it sucks so bad. ive never felt pretty, even when i was five. ive always freaked out at the possibility of changing in front of another person, ive always hated my skin. i don’t cry often, not anymore, but i do feel such a disgust and hatred for my body so often, but I think im learning to live with it. “you’re ugly, it’s fine, you’ll never find love, that’s fine, you’ll never be pretty, that’s fine.” y’know? but, i mean, it’s a start.

  • I just hate it because I look at myself and it’s like

    oh god
    But people always tell me otherwise. ‘You’re so pretty’ ‘You’re not fat’ and I always feel like they’re lying to me simply because I’m not seeing what they do.

  • I just wish I knew how to help myself… I’ve fixated on my stomach since I was a child. At 5 years old, girls were already calling me fat and telling me I looked pregnant. Now no matter what, constantly, I’m always thinking about what people are thinking of me and my stomach. I’m always comparing my face to other women as well. When me and my ex broke up and he started seeing someone else for a while I just kept looking at pictures of her and being like “oh yeah I get why he’s with her, she’s way prettier, shorter and skinnier than me” like I’m 6 ft tall woman with curves so I feel like there’s always attention on me anyway. And I feel like people only compliment me because they’re fetishizing me or because they think I need to be complimented. It just sucks. I’ve definitely had episodes where reality loses form and I’m panicking, hysterically crying with suicidal thoughts. It’s the absolute worst struggle of my whole life and I just wish it would go away because all I want is to be able to take cute pictures of myself and not just get disgusted when I look at them. I wish I was comfortable posting in social media too. I feel alienated from my peers in a way because of this.

  • People might assume that I am a very confident person, but boy are they wrong. There’s not a day that goes by without me constantly looking in the mirrors to see my flaws and idc if I’m at the grocery store..I will find a mirror wherever I’m at. I wish i believed the compliments that people give me about my appearance, but it’s just so hard to. I hope i don’t have to live with this way of thinking for the rest of my life. ��

  • I thank my brother for helping me out in my teenagerhood, realizing I was having panick attacks and helping me recognize it, telling me it’s ok to take a break to deal with the anxiety. Thank you.

  • Okay I know I’m only 13 and I have a lot of Time ahead of me to figure out my self worth and realise “how beautiful I really am” but my issue is that being bullied at this age affects the future and how you feel about yourself, everyday people point out flaws about me that are easily noticeable, which makes me wonder if there are any more that they notice and I just feel exposed, that every bad thing about me is out for everyone to see, it makes me feel embarrassed and ashamed to be me, and I know there are people that have it worse than me, I do know that but if this carries on the way it does I could end up like them. Everyday now I never want to go to school or leave my house. I have panick attacks. Whenever I’m in class and someone looks at me I start picking the skin off my finger or my lip to make me feel better. It doesn’t help but I have to get through it somehow. I hate my nose, waist, shoulders, legs and most other things about me that I genuinely can’t help. It’s just genetics but I’m not happy with them. I compare myself to other girls in my school and wish I was them or wish I had their figure.

  • Sometimes I wonder if I have this or am I just ugly……it’s gotten to the point where I carry a mirror in my bag everywhere I go to check I look alright, I feel insecure in makeup but ugly without it. my face looks wonky and puffy and ugly to me and I feel like people are talking about how ugly I am… I check my appearance all day…

  • Its so painful to deal with. Its just, suffering. You can be the prettiest girl in the world, and truly believe you are the ugliest person to have ever lived. Its awful. The depression, anxiety, the self hate, its awful. Its been a struggle to deal with it. Ive skipped school because my aunt sent me a picture of me. Of course she sees a normal girl, i see an ugly, hideous, almost ogre. I plan to get some type of teeth straightener, eyebrows to be small, a perm for curly hair, lip fillers, and possibly a jaw symmetry surgery if the teeth straightener doesnt work. I plan to absolutely kill myself with workouts to be skinny and have a small waist, small arms (even though i have very smalls arms) big legs even though they’re already big. Just, a lot.

  • The thing about this is so many of people go through this on a daily basis. It’s hard. The world is actually just a better place for attractive people in general. Growing up unattractive will scar you forever, you can say stuff like “I have a great personality, I’m funny, etc” but the cold truth is that people like us just have to accept reality and find other ways to be happy/fulfilled instead of constantly trying to appease the people who make us feel pain in the first place. Sorry, this video is great and I have nothing against it… I just related and thought I should add my thoughts.

  • These are amazing! You should do one on bipolar disorder. I wish more people understood it better and not this rubbish sensationalised version we currently have in the media.

  • Living with body dysmorphia is extremely difficult and has a major impact on the way we live our daily life. Do you have body dysmorphia (BDD)? How does it affect your life? How does it make you feel?

  • I suffer with BDD basically because I am surrounded with some people who are so successful at mocking, and super creative in choosing bad words to describe your shape

    Let alone provoking others to laugh and share them the same interest of joking about how you look

    They are also amazing at managing their looks to be so cruel and jundjmental about your physical appearance

    I cannot believe how down I was percieved by them because of How I Looked


  • I check my body constantly at mirror….and stare my body parts how imperfection it is…I feel disgusted whenever I look at myself in the mirror…whenever someone’s around me I feel like they are laughing at me and I just want to hide myself at home..BBD is taking my life and I need help…I think some people are always meant to be depressed and sad and I’m one of them

  • I don’t even want to get better because the only way that would happen is if I lie to myself. I don’t want to get better unless it’s actually fixed.

  • wow she wasted so much of his time. The only useful conversation was in the last 30 minutes. Its like she knew the answers to his questions but just refused to answer them properly.

  • So I haven’t finished the video yet, and many have mentioned her intelligence and how great she is for coming on, but as long as we’re all here and she’s not looking (as probably she doesn’t like hearing this all that much from people), can I just point out that oml is she pretty!!? Like I guess she looks sort of average but also there’s something about her eyes and she looks kinda squishy in an adorable way?? Lucky bf

  • It may be an overstatement that I wholeheartedly agree with how Ingrid feels, but I have the same mindset that I am not worthy of positive emotion, my existence is pointless. And to deal with that I have suppress every emotion, both negative and positive. I was emotionally numb for many years since high school too. I’m still working on getting over this ‘coping mechanism’ by remembering to be honest to myself emotionally. Currently I still have problem allowing myself being happy sometimes, but it’s been a lot better than before.

  • I always struggle with certain aspects of my face or my body. Including my legs, knees, cheekbones, skin, I always think my shoulders are to wide and I often feel like my stomach isn’t flat enough. I always compare myself to almost every other girl I see and notice all the things they have that I don’t. I sometimes spent hours and hours getting ready to go somewhere and end up not going if I even planned on going at all bc of the way I look. I almost feel like it’s better to stay away than someone have to look at me. I look at my reflection repeatedly and I hate it people have called me “vain” and “selfish” but I just honestly want to fix me. I’ve always thought it was just me being self conscious and my social anxiety but I think I might have BDD and I don’t know what to do

  • i dont believe i have bdd but i am quite worried about myself. There are so many parts of myself that i cant stand and that i want to change. I spend hours looking at myself in the mirror just starring at the parts i dont like. I hate my skin tone, my eyes, my nose, my broad shoulders, my fat arms, my waist (love handles), my back, my flat ass, my skinny thighs, my fat claves, my big ugly hands, the fact the hands are always red, my wide feet, the fact that my feet are also always red, my wide ankles, and my eyebrows. This doesn’t prevent me from going out which is how ik that i dont have bdd but i still really hate these things n they just take over my mind. i know fs that my mental health is ok n that these are just common problems i have to work through but idk how. I spend sm time thinkinh about these awful parts of myself that i had to cover all the mirrors in my room so that i wouldnt look at my self and go down the road of it taking over my mind. I dont how i can forget about these things but if anyone has any ideas id love to know��

  • Last year I got bullied a lot for my body being called, whale,fat, huge and I tried not to cry every time I it happened to another girl who sat with me these to boys wouldn’t stop I went home crying ever single day I just wanted to die I keep getting more insecure I tried to stop eating I tried exercises nothing worked I still hate my body I want to wear cropped tops but then I realize my stomach is to big I have to much fat in my inner thighs to much double chin I went home crying a lot my mom didn’t know until I told her which was about a month later I told her a lot some I couldn’t say because I’d cry. I still hate my body

  • i hate myself, i bought cute clothes from fashions nova and shein and they came today and i tried them on and i hate my body! i can’t gain weight i look long and so ugly i hate myself

  • I have a friend who is exactly like her, down to even playing football (soccer) and feeling like she can’t wear makeup. Dresses are a bit extreme but just feminine t shirt cuts, feminine blouses, yoga pants, etc can all be used to transition into the feminine realm of clothing without feeling too much of a cold water shock of wearing a dress.

  • I have severe BDD so seeing this really comforts me in a strange way. Even though I wouldn’t wish this on anyone else, knowing that I’m not alone makes me feel at ease. I think a lot of people don’t comprehend just how debilitating, stressful and harsh body dysmorphia actually is. I hope there will be future videos on BDD and body image as a whole.

  • i am a pretty lean person. i am 5’3.5 and i weight 50kgs/110kgs. My bmi is in the 19-19.5 ranking. But my face tends to hold weight. I get so many people telling me how is my jawline so sharp and i am like “wait i have one?”. My insecurity started when one day an uncle of mine came over and said “you seem to have gained a lot of weight” infront of my grandma who is an old lady. So, i went back into my room, took of all my clothes infront of the mirror and couldn’t understand what was wrong i was 10 at that time. I put back my clothes and changed into something baggier which caused me to look bigger. i went outta my room and my grandma just shoot me the most disgusted face looking at my belly. Yes, i was probably a little big at that time. That’s the day my obession with weight started. Still to this date, i have lost weight, gotten taller but my body is too matured for my age; i am 14 and in my country at this age girls are just sticks. So my family is so used to seeing such thin girls and now my perspective on my body is totally different. I loved the girl i was, she was real, but she was disgusting; i am disgusting.

  • My oven in my kitchen is like a mirror so you can see yourself in it. I always lift up my t shirt to look at my stomach in the oven for some reason. Every time I walk past it. If I have my dinner I chose when to stop eating. If I feel like I’m going to gain weight from a spoon full of food I will spit it out. Every morning if my stomach looks bigger than usual, I will eat less during the day. I dony tell people this. I don’t feel like it’s important enough to tell people.

    It’s like there are so many things wrong with me that it makes me feel overwhelmed which leads to panic attacks. It scares me.

  • (i’m not self-diagnosing, i’m just speaking about my difficulties with appearance)
    i can’t get over the shape of my hips and the way they dipit’s not a complete curve. i never wear clothing that accentuates them, and i try to look at others happy with hip dips but it does nothing. sometimes i don’t go out because i feel too self conscious about how my body looks and how disgusting i feel. hopefully somebody could relate?

  • I love how he has to stop and think. His brain scanning through all he’s learnt, putting it all together and finding out what to ask next, all in a few seconds. This shows that he’s not just spouting the first thing that comes into his mind. But just watching him search through his knowledge is amazing.

  • 1:17:10 that’s exactly why i don’t want to go to a professional atm… i am also going into that blocking state and i don’t understand yet, where it’s coming from / it’s a very mad feeling =/ it is like your mind wants to block the information that lets you enter the zone, where the issue is coming from

  • I’m alright taking selfies because I feel in control but when other people take pictures of me I feel out of control seeing how I look in the photo about every aspect of my face/body

  • Sadly the first ones who do this to us are our parents. I have a deviated septum, thinning hair, skinny hands and a frizzy wavy curly textured hair. I hate being photographed and all I see in a picture is my crooked nose. My mother and my friends keep saying that my hair never looks neat. And skinny shaming is terribly underrated because that’s something I experience constantly.

  • i absolutely hate myself. Every moment of my life is ruined by pain when i remember what i look like. I want to rip my stomach out or cut it off i hate it so much

  • I realized it yesterday I always drew how I really looked in the mirror. Now I’ve dropped 4 kilos and my mom said that my upper body and legs look very skinny. I was so excited to go to try new clothes and look myself in the mirror. As soon as I looked at the mirror I bursted into tears. I did everything to achieve skinny body. But still I look STOCKY and FAT! Again I drew how I looked in the mirror and my mom said that I’m NOT like this and that I’m skinnier.

  • I don’t understand why was he amazed that she was okay appearing on stream?!
    Her whole problem is about attention, she needs it, she has always needed it since she was the little girl doing boys stuff. she almost plugged her Instagram ffs.

  • I dint believe that I think I am ugly, I know I am ugly, the reason why is because in my first year in high school I was very confident when talking to gilrs and I always was getting rejected by every one of them and I wondered why until I saw my self in the mirror for what I had truly looked like and I realised how ugly I was, BTW if your wondering why I am ugly and I know its the reason why, its because of my freckles

  • I consistently stare at how skinny I am because people can see my ribs and my spine and I won’t leave my house because people comment on it

  • This discussion is spot on. I’ve been working from home, and these days it’s just me and the mirror. And I have a Zoom interview today. Even though I’ve been told that I’ll probably get the job, all I can think of is how ugly I’ll look in the screen.

  • I think the fact that I’m 18 and never had a girlfriend was due to my body dysmorphia
    Skinny arms
    Pale skin
    Shitty thick blonde hair
    Even after a girl chatting to me for a year, us sending nudes and even having sex I didn’t get any signals
    The idea of anyone being remotely attracted to me was completely unfathomable for me

  • Sometimes I just sit in my cold basement, wishing I could just be happy with myself instead of consumed with looking in the mirror

  • I don’t know if I have low self esteem or bdd. I know that I should seek professional help but I can’t right now, due to the pandemic. I avoid watching some parts of my body. I have many stretch marks and I hide my arms and the rest of my body at home because I don’t want anyone to see them. Now with the quarantine I feel a bit reveled that I dont have to go outside or out with my friends( I know that I shouldn’t because people are sick and they are dying and I fell bad for that)

  • Most of the time I pass by a mirror I look at my reflection and always forget what my face looked like because of how much i disassociate myself from it. Most of the time, I see my reflection I look at my clothes first to fix them and try to hide my body more. Most of the time, I feel like crying because I remember what I look like. And the hardest part is that it kind of became a routine and I just feel numb. I only wish that someday I’ll get treatment if I’ll ever reach that day.

  • I’m only 14 years old and I was diagnosed with bdd, it affects me so much, I developed an eating disorder and when people tell me “I’m getting too skinny” i can’t see that, I have fat everywhere I am so discusting to look at, it’s stops me from going out to socialise with friends and family, I’m so ashamed of what I look at. I’m so glad your spreading awareness to bdd!

  • i have been obsessed with my looks for years. I can´t stop looking in the mirror, i get mad at myself after i eat something sweet or not too healthy and try to avoid eating, its all i think about. although i dont avoid taking photos of myself, i try so hard to take a nice one to post it because i need people to tell me that i look good, even though i dont believe them, and get more insecure everytime i post something because i feel like nobody tells me i look good and then cant stop crying. i keep telling myself how fat i am, meanwhile ive always been told how and skinny i am, and i used to think that i was meanwhile now all i see is how fat im getting. people tell me im ‘fishing’ meanwhile i genuinly hate my looks, so i dont tell anyone anymore how i feel. i havent been diagnosed or anything but its taking over all my time and thoughts.

  • Wait.. If there r days where I can’t start to even look at myself in the mirror cause I feel so ugly would that be depression of BDD??

  • My friends never understand or believe me when i say i’m ugly. there are so many things. i try to avoid mirrors but i cant because i need to check on certain things about my appearance. literally constantly. every chance i get im looking in my phone camera or a mirror and every time im disappointed. its like im trying to do damage control and end up feeling worse just by looking at myself. i hate when people stare at me i can Feel them picking apart my appearance and seeing what i see every moment. when i dont wear makeup i look like a monster and i cant handle looking at myself. photos people take of me start up panic attacks when i see them. i have been in tears trying to get people to delete photos of me. relationships scare me because i will never believe someone enjoys my appearance. i will never subject anyone to being seen with me. i can hear the “you can do better”’s aimed at them before anything has even happened. i hate living like this but unless i get to become a whole different person i will never be happy

  • i actually think i have this, but i hate diagnoses.
    i just want to feel free and unlabled, i feel likev lables like i have bdd or i have anorexia and and.. just make it worse bc it feels like a box.

    but (sorry if this gets long maby someone can relate)
    im constantly in confusion with the way i look.
    im somewhat self-obsessed you could say, i often get told i come across as stuck up or even nacissistic, but that actually makes me happy even though its negative bc it shows that i do a good job at hiding how toxic i am to myself deep down and how insecure i really am.
    i used to be chubby as a kid, but it didn’t bother me, now i just changed conpletely. im thin, tall and always get told im beautiful. its such a consistant lable that i would never even think i was ugly or fat. but i am OBSESSED with the way i look and expecially with the way my body feels
    its on my mind all the time even when i lay in bed i wonder how i look sleeping, it alctually dirives me crazy sometimes but to me its normal.
    it just consumes me, ive been asked to model ect. and that just made it worse bc i never feel like i think those effortless lretty models feel, i always feel tense and nervous.
    i don’t even go out anymore if i don’t have to, or when i do i don’t make myself look as good as possibke bc im too scared that if i do and i still don’t feel good theres no hope if that makes sense.
    i try to manifest my ideal form woth the loa but i think im too obsessive for it to work fast so i get discouraged.
    idk its really hard to explain, i just have a weird relationship with myself, i always think, well i am so beautiful i have so much potential thats why i expect so much of myself but idk. i know im tall for example but sometimes i just feel short idk or i know im thin but i just feel,, big” i obsess over how i look and feel compared to others, its like i sit next to someone and i wonder does my head look smaller next to hers? do i look daintier next to others
    its so bad that i can’ t even sit somewhere without a pillow or a bag or smt over my thigs bc im afraid of them looking big when i sit down. i only wear chlothes that don’t really show the exact proportions of my body, i don’t dress baggy bc ill feel like shit then but i dress myself that noone can see any skin apart from my chest
    my perception of myself is so fragile, ill feel good 1 second and the next i feel like exploding bc of my dissatisfaction.
    i can’t take pictures not even for fun on sc filters, i can’t look at myself in any mirror exept one and then only in a certain angle, i can’t be with people who i feel look similar to me or have a similar body type bc then the conparing just kills me.
    i nees to feel my bones 24/7 ill even suck in my stomach as much as i can and feel all my ribs popping out bc then ill feel better, i try to be positive nad loving to myself, i never talk negativeky about myself but i just feel this constant unsureness and delusion all the time it makes me so sad bc i miss out on so much opportunities, so much fun, i isolate myself as much as possible bc im too scared of not looking good one day and loosing my image of,, the pretty girl” i can’ t talk about it either bc i seem ungreatful or attention hungry or like im fishing for compliments. its so so so hard. honestly idk how i do it everyday.
    i always think,, loosinh some weight” is gonna fix everything, but im to scared to actually do it out of the fear that those feelings will still be there and ill go insane.
    i don’t even really know how i look i don’ t look at myself for days sometimes ill use a tiny mirror to do my makeup that doesn’t show my whole face at a time.
    i survive by the compliments i get and the assurance of people that i look a certain way.
    just for once i would like to expiriance mental freedome, to feel happy with myself, to just wear what i think is cute and dance around bare foot at a festival or something, i always need to wear heels, nomatter where i go, it makes life so difficukt and its not as easy as just put on sneakers for me, i actually fear having to wear flat shoes bc they make me feel so,, unsegnificant” one day ill be free i hope, if you read til here, i really wish that we can beat this shit together and just glow from within one day without the need for constant reassurance. you are not alone, i promise.

  • I only recently realised I suffer from this and how much it effects my life the amount of experiences I have and will miss out on because of it i fantasise about this perfect social life but when it comes to doing the things I want to do I back out bc I can’t find the right outfit that I feel confident enough in and Ik I’ll be overthinking about how my body looks. I literally have no idea how to deal with this bc if I speak to any friends or family they’re just like “ what are you saying, you are gorgeous “ but it doesn’t do anything for me I literally just have to keep this to myself while I’m literally starving myself. I know I’ll never be satisfied with myself

  • BDD has not only robbed me of going out, but also watching TV. I can’t stop comparing myself to every single girl I see. I wish I can look in the mirror one day and not physically feel my heart sink:/

  • Idk but sometimes i feel that being skinny is the perfect body idk why im not fat or something but im strong and i carry a lot of weight but sometimes when i look in the mirror i feel disgusted of my body shape im in my puberty period but I cannot control my hormones what can do and I weigh myself every second on the scale it became an obsession please help me what shall I do??

  • Well I don’t like anything about me so… I hate the way I look, my body, that I’m not smart or funny,strong, that my skin isn’t clear… everything and there is literally nothing good about me at all ��������

  • I’m not going to self diagnose myself but I’m really disgusted and fixated on my weight. I always check out everyone I see and they’re always more skinnier, prettier. I always cross my arms to push my belly in, or rest my arms on my lap to hide my thighs. My friends always wear Brandy Melville or forever 21 and I stick with jeans and a hoodie. Im scared of people saying ‘you wore that last time’ or ‘isn’t that from primark??’ because it’s the only thing I feel comfortable in. If we go shopping they always visit the shops you must have a small waist for, so I just let them shop while I look around. To see them laughing, trying on clothes together and looking amazing is good for them, but it makes me even more insecure. I’ve joined the gym and hoping to see results, but at the moment I’m not feeling motivated.

  • The delusional version of BDD is worse. Its a more extreme form. Where your obsessed to the point of paranoia. This is almost the same as OCD perfectionism. People ask me why do you wear dark glasses all the time? Uh ah…

  • I obsess over my body but mainly my stomach, thighs and calves.
    I yo-yo between wanting to tone up then freak out and stop all exercise when the scales start saying that I’m heavier (from muscle gain).
    I weigh myself at least twice a day, constantly obsessing over the numbers shown.
    I hate looking in the mirror when I’m naked.
    I want to be allowed ‘naughty but nice’ food but then hate that I weigh more afterwards… Or I don’t allow myself naughty but nice food and end up miserable anyway.
    CBT has pushed me back to self harm and more frequent suicidal thoughts.
    I just don’t know what to do.

  • The thing is I can’t get rid of my body dysmorphia I just can’t and it takes turns for the worse and I just can’t breathe sometimes because I feel trapped but I’m the one trapping myself and it confuses me and I start feeling sick and dizzy and just sad and depressed and I’ve even done self harm before because I couldn’t bring myself to ending my life.

  • I was hesitant of watching this video cuz this is my biggest insecurity but I did and I’m kinda bummed that I can’t relate to much of what she’s saying:c I dunno how to fix the way I view myself n counselling hasn’t done much for me about that yet:cccc

  • I don’t have friends anymore because of this, I get so obsessed and I even went as far as starving myself in which only made the problem worse. I’m still struggling and sometimes cry looking in the mirror for hours.

  • Is it possible to treat BDD without medication? I refuse to be put back on any anti depressant for many reasons…. I am however willing to do any other treatment. I’m scared to get help for this again because I really don’t want to be put back on those meds.. I have really good reasons not wanting to be on them. Don’t want to get into it right now…

  • BBD ruined my life. Because of my body i lost all of my friends. People don’t understand it… i would like to go to parties or be more fun, but my body prevents me from doing all this.

  • I hate my tights so MUCH they are huge!
    Although people say that I’m not fat and that I’m just “thick” I know deep down that I have a disgusting body. There is days where I starve my self to impress my mother, and there is days where I feel like I will never lose weight and I will forever be huge, so i just say fuck it and pig out everything I see in tears. 10 minutes later I just want to chop off my thighs and regret everything I have eaten. Sometimes I don’t mind my body but people just throw my flaws in my face like if I didn’t know. Having BBD is the worst it’s the only thing I think about!!!

  • I suffer with BDD almost everyday of my life. It affected my eating habits and excessively excersing. Although I am under weight I can’t see that and it sucks. Not being able to see my worth and other positives. Only being able to focus on that one thing. It makes me not enjoy life. And I’m ready to let go from that, and enjoy life. Recovery is going to be worth it.❤️

  • you know what the worst thing about having bdd is? the fact that no one truly understands it and they think we’re just self centred

  • I hate that i keep comparing myself to others, i hate how my waist isnt the size i want it to be,i hate my hip dips,i hate how i get called skinny and pretty yet i cant seem to believe these words, sometimes i just hate myself generally,but i wont give up,ill learn to accept my imperfections ans potentially change the things i dislike about myself

  • I was never given the chance to feel beautiful. As a young girl, adults would stare me down and make their eyes go wide like mine. They also told me to go in the sun because I was too white and to eat because I have a small frame. I genuinely thought I was the only ugly person in the world and every person I saw was beautiful. I was bullied from people of all ages until I was 22. I still feel people’s judgement in their stares everywhere I go. The only time I think I’m remotely beautiful is when I completely dissociate after an anxiety attack. I don’t think I’ll ever see myself in a healthy way, not after all the years of judgement. Now I walk around with a genuine smile, hoping to bring comfort and confidence to at least one person, even if it’s just for a minute. I know how much those brief moments matter.

  • It‘s constantly thinking abt the way you look and either not being able to stop looking into the mirror or avoid them at all costs. It‘s not meeting up with people because you feel so disgusted abt yourself. It‘s constantly trying to change these flaws and only talking about the way you look. It‘s needing reassurance over and over again. It‘s crying and not knowing how to finally like yourself. And if you do not feel disgusted by your looks one day, it comes back the next day. It takes over every single thought in my head and it‘s all I can think of when being outside or just living life.

  • I got misdiagnosed with anorexia, and was (mentally) painfully treated and my life was ruined in so many ways. I dropped several subjects and am now currently failing school because of this misdiagnosis. But it wasn’t anorexia, it’s body dysmorphia.

  • I hate everything about me I hate bein skinney,bein darkskin,having short hair, have no talent,so stupid,ugly, have small ears, ugly feet,just hate everything and my life can anyone give me tips pls

  • God this has ruined my life. I never go to parties and i broke up with my first boyfriend even though he was awesome just because i was seeking approval of my looks (which he gave me ) but i just couldn’t believe him and i thought he said it to be nice. I wanted to lose weight for as long as i can remember, but it wasn’t anything crazy. Once i hit puberty, i noticed my nose is HUGE, which caused me to hate my lips cause they are thin next to my nose, i have hooded dark eyes and thin brows, literally the opposite of anything pretty in todays standards. At first i accepted it i wasn’t the pretty kid and i was kind of ignorant of it. At age of 12 i moved to a new country and there it escalated. I kept comparing myself to these gorgeous girls and i was so ugly. A year ago i gained weight and i decided to really commit to become healthier and lose weight. I lost 6 kgs even though i was never overweight. I skipped meals and starved myself, this caused me to faint twice. I thought a nice body would “distract” from my ugly face. Well surprisingly, of course i wasn’t satisfied with my body now. My boobs became a bit saggy and small which is all i think about right now and my hipdips (which are also a huge insecurity of mine, cause huge hips are so gorgeous these days) became more apparent. I stopped my diet even though i was DESPERATE to be anorexic, i wanted it, it made me feel archived and good at something. Now im binging since two weeks and im afraid to see if i gained weight. Im sick of it. The constant bullying in my head. I wish i was pretty. Its all i ever wanted. Im sorry i cant talk about this with anyone and needed it to get out.

  • This was a great video! I been suffering from BDD for most of my life since I been maybe 8 or 10…im glad to fully have recognized it and I’m working towards being fully cured for this seriously debilitating disorder

  • Hey I just want you to know. I’ve been seeing a therapist for a year. It’s the longest I’ve ever seen a therapist. I had kind of become disillusioned with this therapist because nothing was really happening. But watching you in this video inspired me so today I went and was bold! I said what I thought. And it was one of the best sessions we’ve had. So thank you for inspiring me. I have social anxiety disorder and some other stuff and could see a lot of similarities between us. All the best:)

  • Sometimes I just stay in my room all day and dont let anyone see me and it sucks I’m only 14 I shouldn’t have to deal with this and I’ve dealt with it since I was 12

  • I used to be a heavy kid with BED who used to get teased a LOT.
    my aunt always called me fat and lazy right in front of everyone.
    I remember how hard i used to try to impress her but it never happened!
    I would always end up humiliating myself even more and get insulted by her further.
    It stuck with me because I had this cousin who was thin and exactly what everyone wanted me to be.
    She was my friend, a child who didn’t care about anything and anyone
    But there i was, watching her from the shadow and wondering why nobody likes me as much as they liked her.
    Growing up she turned into a beautiful girl with a confidence nothing and nobody can shatter. I turned into a fatter version of myself.
    With no confidence. Someone who thinks she isn’t worthy of anything. Even the guy I liked ended up to like her…
    My father used to tell me how fat I looked.
    It shattered me and stuck with me.
    Today here I am, 23 years old, looking at myself in the mirror and seeing the same kid I hated to be.
    I have social anxiety now because I don’t want to go out and get judged. Because I think nobody approves of who I am
    I hit the gym, dyed my hair a pretty color, got my eyebrows and nails done just so for once
    I could be seen “pretty”
    Today when I post about my diet the same aunt praises me, but my dad who used to tell me I wasn’t doing anything for my weight tells me I put “too much energy and time” On going to the gym. He says if I put the same energy on something else I would get so far in life.

    None of them know how bad I’m still trying to not be that fat kid who was their favorite punching bag
    But they just wonder why I hate my body so much
    Some people just never realize how badly they shatter a child from the inside


  • How does a person distinguish between a real “defect” and BDD? For example, is someone’s chin really receding in an extreme manner or is it that no one really notices because it really doesn’t recede very much and one has blown it way out of proportion?

  • Hi guys…

    This lockdown has brought the worst BDD in over 12 years…

    Glad you guys could recognise the timing.

    Also have hectic OCD, sensory processing issues especially with clothing, emotional sensitivity…

    Does any other BDD sufferers also relate to other issues with Sensory Processing issues…

    Please email me on [email protected]

    I’m 35 from South Africa. Regards

  • 17:39 “i was into, like, more boy stuff.” “sure, like what?” “gaming” “right onnnn����”

    lmao this clip is so wholesome and happy, i’m beaming over here. on REPEAT


  • This is why school for a lot of people will be the most fucked environment they’ll ever live in. So many people leave with permanent damage they carry their entire lives.

  • It is ok if you actually look good but what if you are actually ugly…my nose is ugliest nose…and I am a woman… our society is more judgement about beauty of a woman…it was From school time…I can’t see my face it’s just horrible… you can’t share your problem with anyone they can’t understand how ugly feeling this is…

  • I have a thing where I hate how skinny my whole body is besides my stomach. I only eat 1 meal a day because I am trying to make it look smaller. I have a thing where I absolutely will NOT look at my stomach after I eat. I either won’t look at it or I cant stop looking at it.

  • So I’m not fat but I’m certainly not skinny. As much as I say I’m confident in myself I hate my appearance. The funny thing is, when I picture myself in my mind, I see myself as a lot skinner than I actually am. EVERY time I see my self in the mirror or in photos, I don’t like what I see amd I’m reminded I dont look as good as I feel in the clothes I’m wearing. I feel beautiful and confident until I see my self. Usually people think of themselves as fatter than they are, but I think of my self as skinner than I am. So BDD never crossed my mind until a non binary friend of mine was explaining how they felt about their body and I thought hey I feel that sometimes about my chest and and stomach. I picture my self with C cups but I have DDDs! Is this BDD?? I’m not trying to self diagnose but if it is, I’d like to get help with it amd going in with a bit of a clue can help. If it is just me being insecure than I can work on that too

  • I’m not diagnosed with this, I dont want to self diagnose myself but idk how to ask for help. I’m 13 and one day I feel amazing and confident and other days I feel like shit. I dont know what to do. This lockdown I think has made it worse but being home is the best thing for me. I make up scenarios in my head like having to go to a wedding and eat or going to a relatives house and eating. I try to think of what I would do in these situations to avoid food. I’m absolutely broken. Idk what to do. It has become such a huge problem now. In zoom classes, I feel so uncomfortable with my video on. We have some contests during the lockdown in our school, we’ve to Make presentations and show our face too so that’s why I dont want to participate in that also

  • I think I have this, I had it to the point where I carried a flip mirror around with me to check if my face was looking fat or round.

  • HOLY SHIT! I thought the session was going nowhere, I remained loyal and stayed prepared to acknowledge the whole thing, and then at 1:47:00, something genius happened: NEXT LEVEL analysis took place right at that time and man did that feel satisfying!

  • i feel like i don’t deserve to be alive becsuse i look like this, i wear baggy clothes to cover myself and that just makes me look even fatter I rarely eat anymore

  • I used to obsess over my weight but now I have moved on to my face and I feel like I look so machine and I shouldn’t consider myself a woman since I’m so ugly and masculine. I want to be a pretty girl so badly. But my face shape just doesn’t look of one. I also got a bad hair cut recently and it’s masking me so insanely insecure because my hair was my confidence but now it looks bad.

  • I know this is a very long shot but she mentioned playing D&D and i know this stuff can be tremendously helpful in regards to processing your feelings.
    I have a roll20 campaign I’ve been GMing for a few years now and i’m more than happy to have new players in my setting so if you want to join-in and play feel free to message me.
    And if you just wanna watch that’s fine too, one of my players asked if she could watch one of our sessions and she enjoyed very much she’s been playing with us ever since.

  • It seems to me like he keeps getting people that are completely misdiagnose instead of telling them that he just talks to them I mean hey talking helps but this girl doesn’t have body dysmorphia dyslexia whatever it is she just has a low self-esteem an extreme need to fit in and feel socially accepted that’s why all of her problems are there to begin with she wants to be like a normal girl but she doesn’t feel comfortable because nobody taught her how to be a normal girl nobody taught her how to put on makeup nobody taught her three delicate things that bring out the feminine nature

  • Hoo boy so much of this resonates with my life experiences too. I hope she can chew on this and make some progress towards feeling better about herself. Self hate is a fucking hard thing to fight. Lots of respect, for both of them!

  • i cannot leave the house without covering up my body, even in the summer. my family calls me crazy. i complain sometimes and just continue to hate my self and my sister says “your not great full, there are people that don’t have legs” i want to agree with her and just shut up and visit my family or friends but its hard, i stare at every reflection in my house and keep discovering things i hate about myself… she says she understands, but i don’t know. every wish I’ve had on my birthday since i was eight is”i wish to be skinny” “i wish to lose 50 pounds” u know maybe it’ll finally happen? today She told me “then go exercise! stop complaining” I’ve lost weight before and I’ve gained weight i’m never satisfied. I will continue to compliment other people and express how beautiful they are but I cant STAND complements when they come to me… i’m not deserving of them… i haven’t told anyone this so i’m venting here, in the comments section. i don’t even know if i have body dysmorphia but it peaked my curiosity and i cant help but cry when i here these types of stories, i relate too much to them.

  • For me she seems more like a sociopath trying to confuse the doctor and keep her camouflage, than an actual person with body dysmorphia, I’m not a doctor, but just her facial expressions and attitude seem to me mocking and trying really hard to hide something, her ego actually seems enormous…

  • Anyone else bang thier head against the wall and cut themselves because they’re mad at themselves for being so ugly. I spend hours in the mirror playing with my hair in Hope’s of it fixing. In vain. Everyday I cut myself and harm myself i cannot live anymore

  • Seeing people rate her looks on any level, positive or negative, totally missed the point of this episode and didn’t even pay attention to the first ten minutes. Most of chat seemed understanding though.

  • I suffer from the same! But i do have some skin problems and shit that REALLY REALLY gives me a horrible feeling in my gut and i hate seeing myself in the mirror! But even without skins problems i would find something else about my face i dont like! Im probably ugly.. But i really really hope im not as ugly as i see myself…
    But i have to say, Ingrind is very attractive in my eyes atleast! She is way out of my league.. But like i know she will not belive that even if she was told it.. So its tricky!

    I wish her luck in dealing with this and hope she gets confident in her own skin! And i hope i can do the same!

  • I’m thinking about the way I look 24/7
    It sucks because I have to think about he fact that I will look like this for the rest of my life. I have Anxiety just being outside


  • Sorry for the wall of text, don’t want to steal the spotlight from her, just need to get off this of my chest since I can relate to her so much, whoever reads it anyway. Hope you’re doing better since, Ingrid. If you ever read this please share if you progressed with it, I want to get out of it too.

    I’m skinny, scoliosis bent neck, walking funny. People everywhere, even on the street making comments, mocking me. Never been seen like a “real man”, never felt like one, even to the point I started trying out women’s clothes just for the sake of it (and I always though they have so many nice options in clothing). Then I realized even if I “went to the other side” it wouldn’t have changed anything but then open up another door for attacks. Long story short I came to the conclusion I’m just a feminine-feeling but masculine-looking (other than body shape) guy, and the problem still lies at my spine/posture problems mainly.

    I’ve never seen anyone in life with similar problems as myself until one time I was waiting in line and a “jackass” came in and tried to cut line at least that’s what I thought at first but then I realized I immediately judged him by his posture too. I never felt so ashamed ever. The experience somewhat helped to understand why people might think things about me too when I walk into a shop or whatever, but the everyday comments on the street, I just don’t know how to deal with those…

    When I first put on my new fancy winter coat and new shoes and went to work limping halfway because the shoes just scraped off all the skin from my heels/ankles one girl commented “look, he looks like a well-groomed hobo limpin there haha!”. All these make me a target for beggars/shady-people as well, and I’m not well suited to deal with them for sure. Tried working out, whatever, but as a developer I always drop it after a few days since I just don’t really require spending time to develop my muscles for my work you know, but on the other hand…

  • i hate what i look like. ill see pictures of my friends in swim suits and they look beautiful. and then ill look at my body in the mirror and i dont like what i see. i just want to look at myself one day and see something beautiful looking back at me.

  • I look at myself in the mirror so much but it disgusts me to do so. I just can’t stop looking at my flaws. I feel disgusting, my face is so asymmetrical to the point where I feel deformed. I over analyze every comment I get, every single situation. I went to a party yesterday. I was with my cousin who’s absolutely gorgeous. I felt prettyat first. Comparing myself to her was my biggest downfall. Every compliment she got, and every time I was ignored made me feel worse and worse. I got asked by three different guys, but all I can think about is that these guys just want a girl, doesn’t matter who, because that’s what guys here do. I hate it. I hate that I feel so ugly I want to die. To the point where I don’t want anyone to see my face. I never met anyone take a picture of me. My nose is crooked and has a bump on it from bad genetics and breaking it. I feel like it’s not proportional to my face since it’s so big to me. People say it looks small, I don’t believe them. My eyes are too tiny for my face, unsymmetrical. A brow is raised higher, my face looks lopsided and my lips are small and I feel like my face is too big for my features. My hair? Horrible, frizzy mess. My body is gross. I’m so so so fat in my eyes. I’m short, 5’2 (158 cm) and everyone around me is growing taller but I’m stuck. My thighs are huge, hip dips, my waist isn’t too bad but it’s definitely not small in my eyes. I hate my arms so so so much. I went through periods where I would eat no more than 500 calories, would walk till my feet bled, exercise till I cried. I’ve had so many panic attacks because of the stress I’m putting on myself. I binge later and purge it all out because I can’t handle how I’m useless. I can’t get anything right. I can’t even cry anymore because I’ve cried so much. I’m so annoying too, I hate everything about myself and I’m so sick of living like this. I literally think about saving up money to get a nose job, a boob job, fillersANYTHING. I’m using this comment as an outlet, a way to rant.

  • My BDD is baced of my acne scars on my face. I wear glasses so alot of sweat and oil gathers above my nose so I got alot of acne, now that im passed puberty im left with the scars, I can’t even go outside to take out the trash without putting on alot of foundation. If considered surgery but I dont have enough money, and I dont want to ask family Because theyre not well of either.

    I hate when people say “stop looking at it” or “youre beautiful don’t worry” like WOW thanks Susan why don’t I think of that ����‍♀️

  • Body Dysmorphia is so fucking weird. like how do you know you have it? sometimes i feel like i do have it, and other times i’m just convinced i genuinely am ugly in many ways and that if someone says otherwise they’re just saying it to be a good person to help my self esteem. like, this may sound harsh, but there are undeniably unattractive people out there in the world. not saying they cant have great personalities, and i realize personalities can change the way you see people, cuz i’ve experienced it myself plenty, but it’s hard to imagine people overcoming my looks from my personality. it’s like i give others the benefit of the doubt but never myself. we also need to stop acting like it’s just a woman problem. i get that there’s more pressure for women to look good, but it’s ultimately a mental illness that affects anyone. given that i do probably have Body Dysmorphia, i’d imagine that means that even though im a guy i struggle way more than women who dont have Body Dysmorphia, even if they do have some insecurities. im technically an incel because of it. i mean i dont identify as one and am not apart of that culture cuz misogyny is fucked and none of my problems are at the fault of women. it’s simply just a mental health problem that i need to work through. but i am involuntary celibate i guess. maybe it’s better to just call myself a loner or something, cuz the stigma from the incel community is just too much.

  • I really hate when chat tries to diagnose things like aspergers on a guest out of nowhere. Even mild aspergers is a severe disorder when contrasted to a normal person, it is more than just a personality type. Just thinking that people are having shallow conversations in a party does not make you have aspergers FFS. And no, just saying: “not diagnosing just ringing a bell” does not excuse you.

  • User in chat when she says she can’t wear feminine clothes: “Girl, mix it up. Wear a tee with a cute skirt! Rock some sweet kicks with a dress.”
    Ah thanks, I’m cured! I just had to do it instead of not doing it!

  • I’m 11 Years old and i suffer from (BDD) and it makes me depressed constantly, it’s almost ruinded my whole childhood.. i check my body contently, I’ve starved myself I’ve worked out, and went on a diet nothing helped it just got worse. I’ve had this disorder for about almost my whole life now.. my obsession is my stomach and my legs, i hate being “the bigger” kid.. it makes me cry all the time I’ve had suicide thoughts but promised myself to never do those things. i always compaire myself to others and always think I’m “Fat.” i would always ask my parents sister, and my friend they say I’m not fat you beautiful and i don’t belive anything i get anxity and depression. Please help me..

  • this may be controversial, but I personally don’t think she actually has body dysmorphia (not a psychiatrist, so I could be wrong). I have it, and I felt like I couldn’t relate to her issues at all. I know mental illnesses look different for every person, but to me it just seems like she aligns more with general body image issues. Body image issues are just as serious, so I don’t mean to devalue her and her feelings at all, I hope that’s not how that’s coming across as.

  • I think if I went and did something like trying on a dress when ppl know me as a tomboy and they then make fun of me for it saying it doesnt fit me.. I’d feel soo much pain and hurt opposed to “i didn’t care”

  • While wearing a dress she is probably thinking that others guys think ” why would she wear a dress hahahaha” because stupid highschoolers told her this. She says she didn’t care but I think thats where it flipped.

  • I can slightly understand her feelings and i relate on many things she said
    For example “girly talk” i couldnt care less about that but i came to accept the fact that everyone and even girls have different interest.
    I used to feel akward dressing “feminine” or doing makeup in puberty even tho i love femine clothes/makeup but once i came to accept the fact that my personality and interest has nothing to do with the way i want to dress i started feeling more comfortable wearing femine clothes without having the “traditional femine interests” for example like idk gettin their nails done

  • The way she talked, and struggled with words and emotion is exactly how I feel when I am dissociated. The PTSD hypo numbness stops me processing thoughts and finding my words. Then when the numbness goes the feelings come back and then I got all these rules to avoid it. She was really brave! I just got to the trigger bit, now I think she is even braver and understand even more why I identified with her. I’m so sorry to her for what that guy did. The only thing that helped me was a bible verse about it’s not what goes into a man that defiles him, but what comes out of his heart. I know it’s a ‘religious’ thing, but it helped me see that what someone else does to me isn’t a reflection on me but it came from their heart. Helped me put down the shame, but I’m still working on the disgust of having a body.

  • In my wildest dreams, I sometimes think how amazing it would be to have Doc K do a therapy session:( Unfortunately I’m a really poor person lmao.

  • i would love to come on the show to talk about general anxiety and performance anxiety but than again i could never because of anxiety

  • OMG I GOT MY MOLES REMOVED ON MY FACE WHEN I WAS 15. It was two and they weren’t big at all. They never used to bother me until I had lost weight and then started picking out other imperfections

  • I have body dysmorphia and I work out a lot but I’m ending up getting injured cuz I push too hard and overdo it and then I can’t work out which is so much worse and end up hating my body more and myself for ending up in this situation.

  • I am a gender questioning girl who is clumsy. I have many many scars from being so clumsy. I suffer from bulima nervosa and anorexia nervosa. I hate every last bit of my body. And in my eyes, what ever i wear…. makes me look like slut unless the clothes is really baggy. I sometimes wear way too much makeup to hide my imperfections. Sometimes i get so disgusted by my own existence, i use bad coping methods. I have really bad depression and severe anxiety.

  • I live in the middle of nowhere and there is about 12 houses in total on our block. The houses all have long driveways and no one can see the road. When I walk around the block on the road, I freak out because I’m afraid people will see me and my body and be disgusted. I can’t even wear a t-shirt in front of my family without feeling disgusting. I always have to cover up but at the same time I am convinced that if I don’t show my figure then people will think I’m fat or something. It’s a constant battle but I’ve told no one and I just want to get help. BDD is AWFUL

  • Sorry for my bad writing but I don’t know if I have this or not because I hate how my hair looks and my face or even my body everyday at school I would always ask every class if I could go to the bathroom just to see if my hair is messed up or if I look good or not and I’m always thinking if I look bad or not and then I start to think to much and about my body I would always have to feel it or check in the mirror all the time or everyday I even try to record myself because I don’t have a large mirror and I feel really bad about myself because when I look back at the video I still feel fat and ugly I always compare my body to other people and wish I had their body and I would usually never eat in the mornings I would always skip meals and every day I wake up and check if I lost any fat and I don’t see any changes in the mirror all I see is fat and about my hair it often gets oily and I get really mad when it gets messed up that I even want to pull it out so I honestly don’t know if I have body dysmorphia but I should maybe ask a doctor or let me know ����‍♀️��

  • I am a male and can relate to this strongly and there are 3 things that significantly helped me overcome this.

    1. exercerise seems to regulate my emotions and im to physically exhausted to think about my looks, the increased physical activty slows down my thinking to the point where i dont care. This is more prominent with cardio as opposed to lifting weights which can sometimes have the reverse affect.

    2. Meditation and wim hoff breathing helps me disidentify from my thoughts about myself and watch them from a different persepctive, the breathing also connects me to my body more.

    3. The most important, Psilocybin mushrooms. They have helped me look at myself objectively without egoic bias and past perceptions blocking the way, mdma has also been extremely beneficial for this. Books such as “How to change your mind” by Michael Pollen goes into more detail about the science of this!

  • If I won the lottery:

    1. Buy a house in another country fear, paranoia, safety
    2. Get small plastic surgery I work with kids, they always ask why I wear makeup, even when I have hardly any on. They tell me I look older, but perhaps it’s bc I’m tall.
    3. Save because I’m afraid I won’t earn enough money for a family in the future, I want a house in a location where I feel safe.
    4. Get a makeover, find out which makeup and skincare, is best for me I can’t ever find what I’m looking for, my hair is a mess, I just want to feel comfortable having a photograph

    5. Go to the gym I’m so weak, it’s bad, please are shocked and laugh at my inability to do stuff, I just want to feel comfortable with my posture and how I stand and walk
    6. Get speech help held back my voice for years, even had a stutter for one year, I hate my voice
    7. Get singing and dancing lessons because of my past regrets
    8. Go shopping because alot of what I bought feels like I wasted my time and money

    9. Give to helping the world there’s so much help needed, I would focus on climate change (e.g. tree growth, green transport and eco kiosks) and overpopulation (birth control + education)
    10. Give to family Sometimes you’ve got to give back, sometimes you also want to give

    11. The ability to travel green transport + getting to places so I can actually have a chance at forfilling my dreams. Freedom.

    I would say, only one of these is completley healthy, and that’s just horrible.

  • Sounds like she got together with her boyfriend not too long ago.. Maybe a year? something like that. And what she said is the Dysmorphia peaked like the last year or two. She probably has started with some sort of birth control the last couple of years because of this. I think this should be taken into account considering it can do all sorts of thing to the way you feel. If she already had these repressed emotions, birth control may make it worse. I think it is important that she looks into that. Also i think ALOT of women that have used different types of birth control, know how unstable the wrong type of birth control can make you.

  • From my personal experience, mine revolves around thinking I am way thinner that I actually am. I see myself as basically a stick figure and i have spent hours a day staring at my reflection just having a breakdown. Because I think I have so thin, I try to gorge myself with food, I eat until I physically cannot every meal time. Pictures of myself of any kind make me want to cry on spot and the very thought that other people see me like this is super disturbing; to the point where I refuse to go out and see friends and other people.

  • I never understood why I hated going outside in the day time and avoid mirrors I just thought I was weird and insecure but I truly believe I have this

  • Thanks a lot but how i can manage this disorder. I take treatment and it help me a lot. But sometimes i am not on track but whay to do!!! I am confused on many thing

  • I really hate my face shape, they used to called me a knife, and whenever i see myself in a mirror I really feel down all day. and one time, we had to take our class picture and I just covered myself with my hand hahah. I HATE TAKING PICTURES I HATE MYSELF.
    *grammar tho

  • ///TW: self harm and ED!!!! My BDD is so bad Last year I considered killing myself over it. I usually obsess over my whole body but my biggest problem is my side profile I HATE my chin and my nose. Last year I used to slam my face onto a table to get my chin and nose “smaller” but I always just ended up with a bloody nose. I have also considered to get a knife and cut off my chin. I developed BDD because of bullying…my classmates would call me “witch” or “moon face “ My side profile is the only thing I think about, I’m constantly checking my face,my body, even my hands everyday. I have begged my mom for surgery, my BDD has gotten to a point were killing myself was the best option to stop the cycle of worrying about going outside. it doesn’t help that I also have social anxiety. I also don’t recognize myself when I get my pictures taken I don’t know what I actually look like and it’s driving me insane. I didn’t even know what BDD was until like a few months ago. And I have also developed an ED because of my BDD I starve myself because I feel fat. BDD has ruined my life I feel like I’m going insane idk what to do anymore. My family doesn’t understand my condition they just think I’m over reacting or a freak.

  • That thing about “That doesn’t apply to me, because i’m an outsider” like… that seems backwards. People who don’t struggle with alienation should be much less likely to develop this kind of self image.

  • I don’t have bdd because I dont think I am ugly at all, I know I am ugly, Ill start a load of freckles, pale skin, ginger dark and baggy eyes, gosh I would love to end it all

  • I relate to everything, and I mean everything in this video. My therapist cancelled my first appointment because of covid. It was the one thing I was looking farward to because I don’t really speak up about that sort of thing.